Betinav Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 My man broke up with me 8 weeks after he starts a new Job in DC for a 2 years contract. He told me he is under lots of pressure and can no longer commit. How could he turn his back on us so suddently. We agreed together that he should take the job back in London. I stand by him in his worst time support him motivated him when he had no Job in the UK. We made future plans together. Now I feel betrayed and let down. Help me understand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thealchemist Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 My man broke up with me 8 weeks after he starts a new Job in DC for a 2 years contract. He told me he is under lots of pressure and can no longer commit. How could he turn his back on us so suddently. We agreed together that he should take the job back in London. I stand by him in his worst time support him motivated him when he had no Job in the UK. We made future plans together. Now I feel betrayed and let down. Help me understand? Two years is a long time for LDR. He had a choice, you or his job. He picked his job. That really sucks. How long were you together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Sorry, nothing to understand. It seems that his feelings have changed. How long were you together? How long did you financially support him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betinav Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 1 year and 4 months. I stand by this man in worst moment even when he had no job in London. We wanted to be best we could for each other considering we both got divorced a few months earlier. I motivated him to rake this Job in DC knowing our relation was strong enough to face the 2 years long distance with me travelling every couple of months there to be with him. Then 8 weeks after he got in the job he starts stressing out about being in a new contry with lots of responsabilities and just out of the blu he told me I cannot commit now. I feel betrayed cause commitment was what we both wanted. Future plans were done together. We clicked and were really good together he was my friend my lover. Each day he would tell me" I love you Baby" . Even the day before He told I do not want to let u go but I fear I will disapoint you. I need to achieved what needs to be done here and deal with what in front of me. As though you are 100% with me but you are not here " . I feel so disapointed first by avoinding calling me and by saying all this on a whatssap text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 How long did you support him financially? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 He ended it over What's App? Good heavens, I'm sorry, girl. How had things been in the 8 weeks since his departure? Had there been any upsets, frustrations, arguing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betinav Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 Yes over the past 4 weeks I have contacted him Twice. I hate sending texts in situation like this cause for me 2 adults who are so open to each other and so close should be mature enough to voice their feelings by calling each other and discussed and take a decision together but I did not get that chance. I was only reduced to mere WhatsApp text. A 43 years old man with no guts. This made me feel so upset and disappointed cause I AM 100% PRO COMMUNICATION. But he obviously took the easy way out, a text instead of a phone call. Anyway to resumed I swallowed my proud and texted him to tell him I need an explanation, that he had no right to end our promises our relationship on a whim, we do not go from a loving relationship to cold strangers the next day. But I got more winging about his stressed new job and more coldness about how he cannot commit now. Anyway I tried to lift him morally telling him he needs to be strong and found this man I loved and knew this fighter and this resilient man I have always loved cause life is a fight everyday when you have the chance to meet someone you love you don't let go of them each time you feel stress about life cause at the end of the day there is nothing extra out there. When you are lucky enough to meet someone you are connected with and click with, you hold on that person I was the best version of me for this man without of course compromised my integrity as for me a perfect relationship is give and take, I have experience and I cannot settle for less . And my ex ticked all the boxes and I ticked his box as well. As thought he broke my heart to pieces in my last text I tried to give him courage AS THOUGHT I HAD NONE LEFT FOR ME and told him Happy life and to hold on that job cause otherwise he will regret for it for letting me go. And at end I wish him "WELCOME TO AMERICA THE LAND WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE " . He is Irish and I am British with Latina Background. Being 3 weeks now I don't text and I am doing all I can to forget him and cope with me being the dumpee. Cause this is really hard on me. But well hope he will make contact one day . He needs to come back here end September in the UK to renew his working visa in the USA. But IF HE make contact I am hoping I can be strong enough and mentally ready to tell him to go F"" c himself. By the way 7 months ago when he lost his last job in London he shut me out from WhatsApp and all communications for 4 weeks cause he felt too down I get dump when he loose his job I get dump when he get one. And talking about stress the man has a Board Directive Job in DC living in a 5 star hotels yes lots of responsibilities I get it but at least it comes with all the extra that many people don't get. So after the first dump 7 months ago he had to put good actions and argument to come back into my life which he swore that he would never walk on me again and was 100% certain I was the one he wanted to be with and move forward to the future. He met my daughter I met his sister etc.... Bloody man he broke all his promises and now make me feel like crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 1 year and 4 months. I stand by this man in worst moment even when he had no job in London. We wanted to be best we could for each other considering we both got divorced a few months earlier. I motivated him to rake this Job in DC knowing our relation was strong enough to face the 2 years long distance with me travelling every couple of months there to be with him. Then 8 weeks after he got in the job he starts stressing out about being in a new contry with lots of responsabilities and just out of the blu he told me I cannot commit now. I feel betrayed cause commitment was what we both wanted. Future plans were done together. We clicked and were really good together he was my friend my lover. Each day he would tell me" I love you Baby" . Even the day before He told I do not want to let u go but I fear I will disapoint you. I need to achieved what needs to be done here and deal with what in front of me. As though you are 100% with me but you are not here " . I feel so disapointed first by avoinding calling me and by saying all this on a whatssap text. If he jumped from his marriage to you, he had no time to breathe. And also the underlined line -- you encouraged him to take a job that would be long distance for you rather than just being supportive of whatever he chose. You just got yourself way too involved and unwittingly brought the long distance on yourself. I would let him go. it doesn't matter how "good you were together" -- you take a man who recently got a divorce and you who has recently got a divorce -- he may talk about wanting commitment but pillow talk is different than "i want to a commitment NOW and with YOU". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betinav Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 Yes which other choice did I have? By not supporting him with this new job offer I would be in a situation where I would make him choose either a new job or me? He would resent me for this also I would not be proud of myself to put myself on his career progress which he hold so dear. Also can you really tell a man who was out of job out the time to decline a superb job offer? Knowing how expensive living is in the UK and how long would he survived without one? I do not want to come across as the victim here as though I am. But it kills me when I had to let him go to DC I felt like dying inside but he had a plan and so do I calls visit skype Whatssap name it...all technology help and occasional travels . Yes divorced happened unfortunately him after 12 years marriage me after 8 years but hey.!!..Life is short if we are both lucky to have met each other and got so connected are we too say? "" No too soon I need to suffer and cry more over my past life "" !!No not at all.. I was not looking for any man honestly as I wanted to focus on me but hey MR LOVELY and MR STRESS NO GUTS shows up and bang we are both on the boat to LOVE AND SUFFERING" . Yes you right I have no choice than to let him go but pillow talk was not one of them. We spoke and analysed our relationship as we would have analysed a business deal with objectivity and weighting the Pro and Con. It's killing me from inside to know someone else will laugh with him and laugh at his jokes that someone else will feel his touch and not me. I lost my friend and confident my man and my lover. It hurts!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Yes which other choice did I have? By not supporting him with this new job offer I would be in a situation where I would make him choose either a new job or me? He would resent me for this also I would not be proud of myself to put myself on his career progress which he hold so dear. Also can you really tell a man who was out of job out the time to decline a superb job offer? Knowing how expensive living is in the UK and how long would he survived without one? I do not want to come across as the victim here as though I am. But it kills me when I had to let him go to DC I felt like dying inside but he had a plan and so do I calls visit skype Whatssap name it...all technology help and occasional travels . Yes divorced happened unfortunately him after 12 years marriage me after 8 years but hey.!!..Life is short if we are both lucky to have met each other and got so connected are we too say? "" No too soon I need to suffer and cry more over my past life "" !!No not at all.. I was not looking for any man honestly as I wanted to focus on me but hey MR LOVELY and MR STRESS NO GUTS shows up and bang we are both on the boat to LOVE AND SUFFERING" . Yes you right I have no choice than to let him go but pillow talk was not one of them. We spoke and analysed our relationship as we would have analysed a business deal with objectivity and weighting the Pro and Con. It's killing me from inside to know someone else will laugh with him and laugh at his jokes that someone else will feel his touch and not me. I lost my friend and confident my man and my lover. It hurts!! what i man is -- you can't be upset that he broke up with you over a long distance relationship if you steered him towards that job. Its not about choosing you or choosing the job -- you have had to have known it was a possibility. No matter what - a recently divorced man can talk a good talk but if its too soon for him for a commitment, he will ultimately bail. He can talk the good talk -- he may like the idea of a commitment, but he may ultimately not be ready. Once he got to Washington - he may have had a change of heart about you - particularly if you had been broken up before. It may not have been the be all and end all relationship you thought it was --- but you didn't want to see anything but. You may think its cowardly to break up in writing - but its possible that he gave you signs of it -- and felt that the only way he could get his feelings out was in writing - no chance of you begging him or him mis-saying something. You seem to maybe be someone who can't take no for an answer and maybe that's why he did it that way. that he had no right to end our promises our relationship on a whim, we do not go from a loving relationship to cold strangers the next day. But I got more winging about his stressed new job and more coldness about how he cannot commit now. Anyway I tried to lift him morally telling him he needs to be strong and found this man I loved and knew this fighter and this resilient man I have always loved cause life is a fight everyday when you have the chance to meet someone you love you don't let go of them each time you feel stress about life cause at the end of the day there is nothing extra out there. This is why i think he did it -- you wouldn't have accepted it/taken no for an answer. He was telling you CLEARLY that he doesn't want to commit and yet you are telling him "he had no right" to break up with you or feel the way he does. I don't know the reason for your divorce, but maybe taking a minute to understand that everyone's feelings are their feelings and they are valid. It might not be what you want -- but not everything can be bulldozed over and be fine just because its what you want. So its not about how this man wronged you -- you also wronged yourself by making him your lover, friend and confidant so quickly when other people should have also filled the role of confidant, etc, and there should be other friends to lean on to not hinge all of that on him. It sounds like you felt he owed you to stay with you. No one owes us anything, nor can be all things to us at all times. So - let him go. When he comes back, don't see him - but don't curse him out either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betinav Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 you do make me feel as I am the one in fault here. And nothing to do with Buldldoze etc... we were treated as igual in the relationship and not sure why you are blaming me but no one no matter how bad you might feel in a relationship no one should ever end a relationship in a short text after you promises heaven. For me this says it all about your personality. Anyway as you said we are all free to decide our feelings and choose what we want. But hey.....I did not come here to get blame for a heartbroken etc...and more when the other party act so cowardly. Our relationship was never bout who had the upper hand it was equal cause if it was not I would not invest my time and feeling into it. But anyway can only let him go nothing else to do at this stage. And the first time he was the one who walk out on me cause he was too stressed for loosing his job not me and I did received him back into my life only to go through the shutting stage a second time months later cause he found a new job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Perhaps he has met someone else abroad. I know you don't want to consider that because it hurts, but I wouldn't rule it out either, unfortunately. But I'm still not clear - how often were you communicating after he moved? Were there any arguments or tension after he made the move to the US? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betinav Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 Yes maybe he did. We communicated daily since moved there. No arguments no tension other than his stress on the new job. Nothing really not a hint other than that that would make me think that something was wrong. In fact the day before he was saying I love you baby. Nothing to give me a sence of what has happened in 24 hours. Thank you for all the support but i guess this would be a mistery. As I am trying so hard to think what I may have done wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 I'll ask again, how long did you support him financially? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorough Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Breaks are absolute BS. Life doesn't get easier and if he truly cared for, he would at least wanna try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Yes maybe he did. We communicated daily since moved there. No arguments no tension other than his stress on the new job. Nothing really not a hint other than that that would make me think that something was wrong. In fact the day before he was saying I love you baby. Nothing to give me a sence of what has happened in 24 hours. Thank you for all the support but i guess this would be a mistery. As I am trying so hard to think what I may have done wrong. This is what makes me wonder if he has in fact met someone else. Seemingly sudden break-ups frequently involved a third party, in my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.