Starting to hate husband. Feel so alone..

[Laney16]

ok.. so I'm pretty sure I'm starting to hate my husband. it is starting to eat away at me and lately, all I can think about is how unhappy I am.

 

let's just say.. yes. he works so hard at his job. I always tell him I appreciate that. as a business owner, he's exhausted. that is why I decided to quit my job and pretty much look after everything at home. I raise the kids (baby and toddler), I do all the cooking. most of the shopping. coordinate all the kids activities. I breastfeed, I feed them. make the decisions.. do dishes.. laundry.. take care of all the night wakings. I bathe them.. plus I work from home and keep the business we run afloat by looking after the accounting side.. let's just say I'm bloody exhausted. me time?? haha yeah right.

 

again, like a said, I recognize he works hard. but it seems like every time he does anything family related, it's like it's not his job. it's over and above what he's required to do and falls under my list of responsibilities. like I should kiss his feet every single time he does something as a "dad". he has this idea in his head that all aspects of parenting land under my list of duties and that he does "way more than other dads". he's gotten really good at criticizing my parenting techniques though. because I'm the primary raiser, he assumes all bad behaviour should be blamed on me. Oh the blame..

 

this includes housework. does he clean? yes sometimes. does he make it sound like it's the most irritating thing that he's the one doing it and imply that I somehow missed it and am failing at life? you betcha. he will actually comment on a slightly messy entrance when I didn't have time to clean it up. or ask me why there are a few dishes in the sink.. not realizing I did dishes about 5 times already that day, with a screaming baby and a hungry toddler, while trying to work and breastfeed.. not only is he absent, but when he is around, he nitpicks and implies that I can't handle my responsibilities. like other moms are so cool and I'm struggling with the one thing I need to do. he's actually said that. "you just have one thing to do!!"

 

I could count the number of diapers he's changed on one hand. i could probably count the minutes he's held our baby. I'm literally alone in this parenting thing because we never do anything as a family because he always has other more important things to do that don't involve us. it seems like he never wants to spend time with the kids. I need to ask him to hold our baby. I need to ask him if I can shower and everytime I get told to hurry up. I always need to scarf down my supper because I'm feeding my baby too, even though he's finished already and decided to plop in front of the TV and watch his show, even after being away from us all day.

 

I've talked to him about it. and it's a very touchy subject for him. he gets seriously defensive. says I have no idea. I'm so lucky. bla bla.. it leads no where.. all I can say is I was in disbelief when my brother in law asked to hold my baby when he noticed I was struggling with holding him while trying to dish out my dinner the other day.. while my hubby was just standing there. lol.

 

I'm pretty much fed up. The most he's been with both kids at once was 4 hours, and my phone was flooded with angry messages telling me to hurry the eff up. and that i shouldn't even be getting my hair done, I should be a mom and be there for our kids. yup. that was a 4 hour hair appt. I go twice a year. and that's literally all I do for me.. let's see.. he works, yes. but he also goes on trips when he wants. goes to concerts.. does wing nights with friends.

 

And it's not just the parenting. It's how quick he is to blame me for everything. To try and make me feel bad. He never boosts me up.. he treats me like I'm a child. Everything has to be his way or it just doesn't happen.

 

.

[Unreasonable]

I'm literally alone in this parenting thing because we never do anything as a family because he always has other more important things to do that don't involve us.

Like what, exactly?