I really like her

[thejazzynator]

 

 

For those that want to stay up to date please check out link above. This as a continuation.

 

So I like a girl who is going through a tough time. She was raped a little over a year ago and then got into a polyamorous relationship with her best friend and her best friends husband where she was used for sex and devoid of affection. My ex was pretty abusive as well so we both saw that we could give each other the affection and love we both desire and hit if off quickly. I talked to her like she was my best friend. Told her everything. However, she decided not to meet up for the first time stating she was going through a lot emotionally. At first like many others I thought she was just bluffing and didn't like me. Until something told me to just hit her up and check on her. Things have gotten bad enough that she had to have a friend come stay with her because she was so messed up emotionally and was incredibly grateful that someone she had yet to meet in person off okcupid cared about what she was going through. I told her that it didn't change how much i liked her because she couldn't help what happened to her and she thanked me. Told her she was beautiful this morning and to have a good day and she thanked me. My friend told me it's cool to be nice but not to pity her which I agree. I don't wanna seem like she needs pity when I just want to make her smile. She has been pretty proactive about refocusing on her life. I told her I didn't wanna text her everyday because I didn't wanna put pressure on her and wanted to be respectful. She said she was judt coping and seems appreciative that I care so much. Now, it's hard for me to focus on any other girl. I feel like I'm betraying my feelings by doing so. I don't know why, people say move on because she may be too damaged to withstand anything right now. Which is true and I'm not looking for right now. I just, I want her to be happy. I like bringing her comfort, she makes me feel appreciated. That means more to me than anything even if we never get together. There's a kind and considerate vibe between us. She's really a sweet girl. Like I don't feel like a fool for holding back on other girls and before this happened I was telling chics who asked to talk to me I was talking to someone I really like. I haven't told her this because I don't wanna put pressure on her this is just me and what I don't mind doing. If we don't end up together girls will be there you know? Not to sound egocentric but as I've gotten older I realize they'll be there. I used to go from relationship to relationship thinking if I didn't I would never find anybody. Now looking back, it's like I was worried but kept getting what I was worried about not getting and didn't realize it. If that makes any sense. I guess I feel like she's worth it... idk. Have any of you been in similar situations? I wanna hit her up and tell her I can't stop thinking about her. Not because I feel sorry for her but because I like her but again zi don't wanna be selfish and let my feelings supersede her turmoil right now. Or maybe she'll appreciate it? Idk.

[Dahl]

Please clarify - have you two met in person, yet?

 

My apologies if this answer is clear - I did look at the other thread, as well, but may be exceptionally fuzzy-brained at the moment.

[thejazzynator]

Please clarify - have you two met in person, yet?

 

My apologies if this answer is clear - I did look at the other thread, as well, but may be exceptionally fuzzy-brained at the moment.

 

No not yet. We were going to and pretty excited about it until she had her break down.

[figureitout23]

No not yet. We were going to and pretty excited about it until she had her break down.

 

Sounds like you've got a savior complex...

[thejazzynator]

Sounds like you've got a savior complex...

 

Or maybe I just like her? I liked her before this happened. I thought I emphasized that. Am I being judged for being supportive?

[shellyf62]

She needs to sort her life out.

It would be best for everyone if you left her alone to do this.

She shouldnt be putting profiles on dating sites til she is well

[figureitout23]

Or maybe I just like her? I liked her before this happened. I thought I emphasized that. Am I being judged for being supportive?

 

I just reread. From my understanding the drama caused the connection.

 

I'm not judging you for being supportive, in fact, I'm not judging you at all, go read my threads, I've got my own issues to be judged for, so it's kinda hard to throw the first stone.

 

I didn't elaborate and maybe that made it seem like a judgement but there really wasn't anything else to say. Reread your post and act as though you're reading someone else's story. This girl has been drama from the start and you two haven't even met yet. Why be intrigued by this? Why didn't you step away? You're running into the fire instead of away from it. Something is drawing her to you and concidering you two haven't even met yet... it seems to me you're falling for the idea of her and want to 'save' her.

 

Of all the people I've met online, whether it was after a day or a year they have never ever turned out to be exactly as I imagined. Some were better, some were worse, but the idea I had of them in my head was never accurate.

 

You said she made you feel appreciated. I can't say that's how one describes a budding romance. I don't know,I'm not a guy, maybe it is, but what else does she make you feel besides 'needed'?

[thejazzynator]

I just reread. From my understanding the drama caused the connection.

 

I'm not judging you for being supportive, in fact, I'm not judging you at all, go read my threads, I've got my own issues to be judged for, so it's kinda hard to throw the first stone.

 

I didn't elaborate and maybe that made it seem like a judgement but there really wasn't anything else to say. Reread your post and act as though you're reading someone else's story. This girl has been drama from the start and you two haven't even met yet. Why be intrigued by this? Why didn't you step away? You're running into the fire instead of away from it. Something is drawing her to you and concidering you two haven't even met yet... it seems to me you're falling for the idea of her and want to 'save' her.

 

Of all the people I've met online, whether it was after a day or a year they have never ever turned out to be exactly as I imagined. Some were better, some were worse, but the idea I had of them in my head was never accurate.

 

You said she made you feel appreciated. I can't say that's how one describes a budding romance. I don't know,I'm not a guy, maybe it is, but what else does she make you feel besides 'needed'?

 

I'm a girl lol but I get it. And you're not the first person to say i may like the idea of her... but right now I think we are a no go. Like I'm already making plans with other girls on the weekend we are supposed to meet because she hasn't returned my last texts and I don't know what's going on with her. Like before this happened I was telling girls that hit on me that I was talking to someone I really liked and even after I'm trying to be nice but for what? I don't know what she's doing. And I do like to cater to my lady and make her feel happy and comfortable. I like to spoil and be spoiled. Idk if i would say i like to feel needed.... But when I do kind things just be appreciative and receptive. Just don't take and take and use and misuse me. Like now idk.... you're right is going through too much.

[SoulTaker]

Have any of you been in similar situations? I wanna hit her up and tell her I can't stop thinking about her. Not because I feel sorry for her but because I like her but again zi don't wanna be selfish and let my feelings supersede her turmoil right now. Or maybe she'll appreciate it? Idk.

 

You don't go after someone who was lately, or currently in severe emotional distress. If you really want to do the right thing, then just be a friend and convince her to get professional help (which you're not).

 

If she refuses to do this, then at the very least, she needs a lot of time to herself to heal.

[thejazzynator]

You don't go after someone who was lately, or currently in severe emotional distress. If you really want to do the right thing, then just be a friend and convince her to get professional help (which you're not).

 

If she refuses to do this, then at the very least, she needs a lot of time to herself to heal.

 

I ultimately just decided to part ways with her. I don't think I was helping her much as you stated. And I felt like I was putting pressure on her. Hopefully she heals and finds someone when she is ready. I just, I feel led on and I was nothing but nice. But I don't know what she was or wasn't doing. So I just parted ways.