Me and my insecure abused gf, what should I do with the future.

[splinter44]

K I apologize for how long this is,

 

I'm not sure where to start to really explain this story for everyone to understand, so I will start from the beginning. It's a bouncy story about a great girl I love who has issues that I just don't know if I can deal with but I'v never gotten the best advise..I love her and I want to have a family with her, but that may ruin my mind. Let's call her Nicole.

 

So I met Nicole through work, I was friends with 3 girls including her and Nicole had a boyfriend at the time and so I did like her but did not ever try anything due to her being with someone. So I was into this other girl who she was friends with Nicole and i did hook up with this other girl before Nicole but i never had sex with this other girl. One night i met up with Nicole after we were both drunk and we hooked up and went home and la la la. At the end of the night she asked me if i was into the other girl and I said yea ( At this point Nicole did not have a boyfriend anymore and I really dont know why i said i was into the other girl.. ) Eventually the other girl rejected me and I ended up going on a trip with Nicole and we hit it off and we have been dating ever since ( 3 years now ).

 

Now before I go on with the story keep in mind Nicoles ex boyfriend was a piece of who cheated all the time and always told her he wanted to her sisters and friends ( she has 4 sisters who are all good looking women including Nicole herself ) and she stayed with that guy for 3 years getting emotionally abused.

 

I can skip through all the bull and jealousy she had the first whole year about that girl i hooked up at work before her but it was intense ( But i stopped working there like 2 years ago anyways and I would never even speak to that girl ever ) . Through out the years Nicole has had really bad insecurities and jealousy and yes it has gotten better ( Its gone from letting it out to keeping it in ). I know she has abuse from the past guy but like this is the stuff that has really affected me in the past 3 years.

 

Anytime we visit her family she is super uncomfortable around me and she has told me it is because of her 19 year old sister who she says looks like a model and it makes me so uncomfortable too and she just gets in a mood.

 

She is a little bit of an alcoholic..at the beginning we both drank a lot and i smoke a lot of weed but im working on that...she has many instances in the past where she gets super drunk and is not herself and becomes a piece of when shes drunk and says really not nice things...but that hasnt happended in over a year because i got her to stop..but she has done some ed up ..I went to a wedding with her and she got drunk and was acting like an so I told her not to come to my bros wedding in a month bcuz she cant control her alcohol intake...eventually she ended up coming and getting super drunk and falling asleep on the toilet with a lit ciggarette with the door locked..at the end of the night we were 5 left and i was looking for her worried and realised the bathroom door is locked and shes def in there so my brother pryed open the door and i found her passed out on toilet and there was a smoked cigarrete on the floor ( could have caused a fire ). that was a year ago and she has since controlled her getting drunk intake and she still drinks most nights on her own like a beer or 3 a night and it sucks but atleast she doesnt get ed up drunk now and she knows around me i really dont like that and she doesnt like me being high so I try not to be high around her, but she def drinks in moderation now that I can tolerate... plus she used to smoke a pack a day since she was 18 and I got her to stop and its been 7 months now ( yay!)

 

Another thing is watching tv or movies with any concentration on a cute girl in a movie or sex scenes or even romantic scenes she gets super uncomfortable and just asks that we stop watching, she has told me she watches porn alone and is attracted to girls too and loves their bodies and would have lesbian love but when it comes to me being around she just feels like shes not enough and that i will leave her even if i reassurred her many times.

 

Now onto another ed up thing...at the beginning of our relationship,before we were even fully lovers she asked me what kind hair i liked on a girl and i told her i like short haired girls...the first whole year she was always asking me when we saw short haired girls if that was the kind i like ( which now i know was a ing setup lol ( like she didnt do it on purpose it was more of a self sabotage thing. Now she has a short haired best friend and like I can't even be around Nicole and her best friend without her being fkin uncomfortable and in a mood, like she keeps it in after iv confronted her about it atleast she doesnt do crazy and speak about it out loud and blame me out loud but its still there over the years and the mood is bad and were all uncomfortable. Like I called her on facetime and she was with her friend but she was acting weird and hiding herself and im like why does it look like ur hiding something ( like another guy ) but really she was hiding me from seeing her friend on facetime ( she also mentioned she felt ugly that day ) but you can see how this behaviour will cause other problems ( atleast she was honest after ). She is completly honest about her feelings and we both know she has an issue iv tried to get her to therapy but she doesnt want...weve been to couples therapy twice but shes so defensive it just sucks if we bring in a 3rd party and we never followed through.

 

Since my past of coworker hookups, she has been so jealous of my new job and my coworkers..girls would add me to facebook or text me to switch shfits or whatever i was invited to go drinking with co workers and she had this crazy jealous for like 2 months of this girl who i was working with and it was so bad...and she always wanted to know about who is sitting next to me at work and I told her I feel super uncomfortable talking about women to you as it never goes well and its implanted in my mind now.

We lived together after 1.5 years for 1 year and broke up 3x kind of during that time and then moved out this summer to our own places...we kept in contact after and I am so bad at meeting new people and dont have much friend support and we still love each other so were still doing everything relationship wise but obviously its ing with her emotions a bit.. Her personality is such a great match for me besides all this insecure irrational poisonous stuff that I just can't live with.... It hurts because I see myself with her and some little kids but if it stayed like how it is..well...how can anyone live like this?

 

I know she is like this because of her past boyfriends abuse of cheating and wanting to her sisters and friends....

There have been so many instances of this stuff throughout the years..she is very insecure about her body and honestly shes never showed me her bare breasts even tho iv tried plenty...

 

She also is my first real girlfriedn iv had this long ( before it was always monthly dating that never went anywhere ). But I can really be my complete self with this girl and its great and i fart 10x a day with her and she hugs me. aint that love?

I don't really know what to do anymore at this point, Im hoping she grows out of this stuff but will that actually happen? And what are the future issues that will affect my brain with this stuff in the futur?

 

sorry about all the swearing

[allinic01e]

I can kind of feel where she is coming from. I am currently in that kind of a situation, like her ex. Not as extreme but, I have major insecurities because of the emotional abuse I receive.

 

With that being said, I think as long as you love her, respect her, and make it a point that every day she knows she is loved in someway... she's going to have to trust in you.

 

No it must be difficult on your end to always have to put up with it. But sometimes the insecurities don't go away. And you don't want them to be the downfall of your relationship.

 

After three years of being together, and hopefully having your love and support and you not doing the same things as her ex... she should definitely be making strides to become healthier in this relationship. If you're not seeing much change then maybe something like this won't go away for a long time.

[abitbroken]

Wow what a prize of a girl -- passes out drunk in the bathroom? Is uncomfortable because her sister is very attractive and you happen to be in the same room with her? Confesses that she likes "lesbian love" when she is with you and then tells you "she is not good enough". I wouldn't "help her through this" -- i would get some help for my own alcohol and weed problems and i would leave her. Some of the things you describe are not because of her ex boyfriend.