Oh boy this hurts...

[wgmitch]

The worst part is that I was ready to date again and now I'm not. I'm trying to heal myself all over again. I feel like I need companionship to feel lovable again, but don't trust anyone. What the hell?!

[insideoutch]

The worst part is that I was ready to date again and now I'm not. I'm trying to heal myself all over again. I feel like I need companionship to feel lovable again, but don't trust anyone. What the hell?!

wgmitch: Sorry that your ex caused you to relive the heartache again. I can relate to what you're feeling right now. The only difference is that I am the one causing myself to relive the pain every week for the past 3 weeks. I do NC for a week and then my feelings get the best of me and I would text my ex. Family and friends kept telling me to take it day by day and it will get better, but I feel it gets tougher by the day. I guess each day that I survived without hearing from my ex is my confirmation that there is no more hope between us. And by thinking that, I panic and end up reaching out to him. Then I realized I am back into my hole again but BIGGER...smh.

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. There are people out there including myself fighting this fight with you. Keep up the fight! We can do this!

[wgmitch]

wgmitch: Sorry that your ex caused you to relive the heartache again. I can relate to what you're feeling right now. The only difference is that I am the one causing myself to relive the pain every week for the past 3 weeks. I do NC for a week and then my feelings get the best of me and I would text my ex. Family and friends kept telling me to take it day by day and it will get better, but I feel it gets tougher by the day. I guess each day that I survived without hearing from my ex is my confirmation that there is no more hope between us. And by thinking that, I panic and end up reaching out to him. Then I realized I am back into my hole again but BIGGER...smh.

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. There are people out there including myself fighting this fight with you. Keep up the fight! We can do this!

 

Thank you! I'm sorry you are going through this too. The reason I post here mainly is the comfort of others like me.

 

I truly believe in the no contact rule or as my other posts states, "Never Contact" rule. If it is meant to be it will be.

 

I am not going to let this define me though I am doing things to improve myself. In the last 4 months I have lost weight, tightened and toned and changed my body for the better. A co-worker commented when they saw me in the gym (we have a gym at work) that I look like a "Men's Health" model so it is all working. This has helped my mind and boosted my spirit.

 

Insideoutch, If you are not going to a gym at least a few times a week, do it! The gym has become a sanctuary for me. I also belong to the YMCA and have met some really good people.

 

Lastly, I joined a new church and have renewed my faith. I'm changing how I think for the better. I was discarding faith as a waste, but it is not a waste. There is nothing wrong with a belief in a higher power. There is nothing to lose by having a spiritual side.

[wgmitch]

Feeling very weak lately. I want to reach out to my ex and ask to talk and find out what the hell happened.

 

I need to some words of encouragement to help me be strong. Please.

[SweetGirl28]

Feeling very weak lately. I want to reach out to my ex and ask to talk and find out what the hell happened.

 

I need to some words of encouragement to help me be strong. Please.

 

I encourage you to not reach out!

I read thru your comments, remind yourself of the issues that made you unhappy.

Her drinking is a big one. The second being not having healed from her divorce.

She can't be a good partner to you, nor even a friend.

 

What stands out the most to me about you, is that you feel lonely.

That's one of the top reason ex partners reach out. Something familiar is comfortable.

Except in reality, it doesn't work out long term. It's a temporary fill for a very large void.

 

It's normal to think back, so many unanswered questions, what if's, if only's, but it is not useful

and won't change anything. You've been broken up for a few months, time to let this pass by and

do all in your power to resist the urge.

 

She broke up with you, and in a very cowardly way. She wanted to date again, yet date others.

You stood your ground and refused that. And rightfully so. Do not feel guilty, do not feel like you

lost her by not agreeing, do not cave to that demand. You'd be cheating yourself.

 

Post here to vent. Write letters but do not send them. It's the best way to release those feelings.

[wgmitch]

I encourage you to not reach out!

I read thru your comments, remind yourself of the issues that made you unhappy.

Her drinking is a big one. The second being not having healed from her divorce.

She can't be a good partner to you, nor even a friend.

 

What stands out the most to me about you, is that you feel lonely.

That's one of the top reason ex partners reach out. Something familiar is comfortable.

Except in reality, it doesn't work out long term. It's a temporary fill for a very large void.

 

It's normal to think back, so many unanswered questions, what if's, if only's, but it is not useful

and won't change anything. You've been broken up for a few months, time to let this pass by and

do all in your power to resist the urge.

 

She broke up with you, and in a very cowardly way. She wanted to date again, yet date others.

You stood your ground and refused that. And rightfully so. Do not feel guilty, do not feel like you

lost her by not agreeing, do not cave to that demand. You'd be cheating yourself.

 

Post here to vent. Write letters but do not send them. It's the best way to release those feelings.

 

Thank you very much! I will remain strong. Your words are very encouraging. I have been very lonely and it is making me think crazy thoughts. I know this will pass, but I feel like I am back at the beginning again. Mitch

[lark265]

I'm 52 and going through another break up. It seems a lot harder now that I'm older, if that's possible. I remember breaking up with my high school sweetheart at 19 and at the time that seemed like it would kill me. It didn't. This is worse. Just can't get the thought of not being able to make it with anyone out of my head. This one is especially hard though. She is beautiful, smart and very successful.

 

Dumped via text, for the most part, after two and a half years. That one slaps me where it hurts. No real closure and now it's been 28 days of NC. I am strong when it comes to no contact and it has worked tremendously for me in the past. Not for the relationship to get back together, but for me to feel better about myself. I feel now as I did then that disrespect is the worst feeling, aside from loneliness, and I deserve better. I feel my words during the relationship meant nothing then I will say no more.

 

We still have quite a bit of belongings at each other's houses, not sure what to do there. I have resolved to just forget my stuff, even though I would like a couple of the things.

 

I've been hanging around the site for weeks, just thought I would dump this out of my head. Thanks for reading.

 

Hope you're feeling somewhat better now.......thanks for your post - your tales of NC were inspiring.

[wgmitch]

Hope you're feeling somewhat better now.......thanks for your post - your tales of NC were inspiring.

 

You're welcome and thanks for reading. I struggle everyday with the unknowns and the fact that someone that made me feel so lovable can also be so cold. But! I will not break no contact.

 

That being said, you should not break NC and if your ex contacts you at some point, get some professional advice before you make a move to answer or meet up. I think "Dating Guy" on YouTube has very good advice about "your ex contacting you after no contact." Do not go it alone. You are not an expert and you don't have to do this by yourself.

[wgmitch]

I have to share this because it moved me to tears. This is a PM I received from a fellow forum user...

 

"Hello

 

Hi WGmitch,

 

I have read your thread and I just wanted to say that I, amongst others here, are truly with you.

 

What your ex put you through and then what she did after reaching out to you after NC was harsh and unforgivable.

 

The NC journey you went on is an inspiration and I encourage you now, to move forward and never look back.

 

In solidarity.

 

Take care of yourself mate."

 

 

It is amazing how perfect strangers can be so nice, but people we loved can be so harsh.

 

Thank you all!

Mitch

[wgmitch]

I thought I would add the actual text I received from my ex after nearly 4 months of NC. This came Monday morning, Nov 20. two days before Thanksgiving. I hope this helps someone. If you get a text after a considerable amount of NC do not answer without seeking help. Get on this forum and ask someone for help before responding. Go to YouTube and look up Dating Guy. He has good advice on this subject.

 

I've changed our names, but the rest is actual...

 

"Hi William, it's Mary. I don't want to cause you any trouble, but I can't stop thinking about you. Is there anyway we can talk? I certainly understand if you don't want to talk to me. I miss you. I'm on my way to work, but let me know if you have time to talk tonight."

 

(You can read what happened in this post to get more details.)

 

Here is the text I received after she told me on the phone Thanksgiving night that she couldn't talk right now, but, the short version, I asked if she wanted to date other men and she said, Yes....

 

"I missed you William. I just want to take it slow and not jump back into a relationship. I'm just not ready to jump back into it with you or anyone else. I'm sorry if that hurts you. If you don't want to see me because of that I understand. I didn't lie to you the other night. (We laid in her bed and I asked point blank , "Do you want to see other people?" She said no. How is that not lying?) I just didn't think expect you to want to just jump in where we left off. You were so excited and happy, and I was happy to see you. I would love to keep seeing you, go to church with you and see where it goes without any pressure."

 

After I told her she used me, she is a liar and how can she tell me after our 2 1/2 year history that she would ask me to share her with other men until she made up her mind. Here was her response...

 

"I have been pressured my whole life, and I'm not going to be pressured anymore."

 

I have been NC since.

[DaisyMayPorter]

Mitch, sorry for your pain. Definitely if she has been drinking alot, then she is probably unhappy. Not with you, but just in general, and she needs to work on herself to get better.

 

I just approached my early 40s, and I was with my daughter's father for a long time, then I left because he was very unkind and did not treat me well. It's been hard for me to get in a relationship since because I'm always afraid that person will be mean like him. But I think with some more time, I'll be able to give it a go soon. I hope you do too! Good luck! I know it's tougher as you get older! :-)

[wgmitch]

Mitch, sorry for your pain. Definitely if she has been drinking alot, then she is probably unhappy. Not with you, but just in general, and she needs to work on herself to get better.

 

I just approached my early 40s, and I was with my daughter's father for a long time, then I left because he was very unkind and did not treat me well. It's been hard for me to get in a relationship since because I'm always afraid that person will be mean like him. But I think with some more time, I'll be able to give it a go soon. I hope you do too! Good luck! I know it's tougher as you get older! :-)

 

Daisy,

 

Thank you! What she did after NC is harsh and unforgivable, drinking or not she needs help and I hope she gets it. I am sooo scared of trusting anyone.

 

I'm sorry to hear you were treated badly, but good for you for not accepting that behavior.

 

Best of luck to you and if you ever want to just chat or vent you can PM me.

 

Mitch

[lark265]

Family and friends kept telling me to take it day by day and it will get better, but I feel it gets tougher by the day. I guess each day that I survived without hearing from my ex is my confirmation that there is no more hope between us. And by thinking that, I panic and end up reaching out to him. Then I realized I am back into my hole again but BIGGER...smh.

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. There are people out there including myself fighting this fight with you. Keep up the fight! We can do this!

 

*****************************************

 

I am thinking that if a bunch of us (w/heartbreak) got together at a Starbucks we could cry it out together. I wish I COULD cry....its right there but not quite ready to come out I guess.......the tears would be for lost dreams, lost moments of togetherness.......and I often now ask myself, "Why did I get into this thing in the first place? Didn't I see the warning signs (eg, Falling Rocks)?" And I am beginning to see, finally, that I made mistakes in this thing - I can blame her all day but that's just not reality.

[wgmitch]

Family and friends kept telling me to take it day by day and it will get better, but I feel it gets tougher by the day. I guess each day that I survived without hearing from my ex is my confirmation that there is no more hope between us. And by thinking that, I panic and end up reaching out to him. Then I realized I am back into my hole again but BIGGER...smh.

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. There are people out there including myself fighting this fight with you. Keep up the fight! We can do this!

 

*****************************************

 

I am thinking that if a bunch of us (w/heartbreak) got together at a Starbucks we could cry it out together. I wish I COULD cry....its right there but not quite ready to come out I guess.......the tears would be for lost dreams, lost moments of togetherness.......and I often now ask myself, "Why did I get into this thing in the first place? Didn't I see the warning signs (eg, Falling Rocks)?" And I am beginning to see, finally, that I made mistakes in this thing - I can blame her all day but that's just not reality.

 

I have mastered the art of crying. I don't think anything makes me feel better than a good cry.

 

BUT, remember the ex's do not cry for us so this must stop too! They are living their lives without us. We are doing no contact and it is our choice to not contact them. We are strong and resilient. Life goes on.

[wgmitch]

Well! I met someone wonderful and I'm sacred to death! No1 was right I have attracted another beautiful, smart and successful woman. She is a doctor has two children and has been divorced for almost 1 year. She has only had a handful of dates in that time, but nothing moved past a 1st date. We have been communicating for a little over 4 weeks and it's going very well, but I'm terrified of being hurt or being wrong again. We have been communicating everyday and she is wanting to get together more and more. She is saying all the right things and makes me feel good again. I'm loving the attention, but so weary that I am going to end up hurt again.

 

My ex broke up with me back on Aug 1st. It crushed me and then after nearly 4 months of NC came back saying all the right things, only to turn around two days later and break my heart again. The incident after NC at Thanksgiving is fresh in my mind and the original heart ache still exists.

 

So, am I pushing it with a new woman? I feel it's time to move on, but can't stop thinking about the hurt. Is it too soon?

[sputnik123]

Hey Mitch,

 

I am very pleased for you. Proud of your progress

 

My advice; go for it, but take it slow. Be honest with her and if it is meant to be, she will understand.

 

The hurt will stay with you.. it doesn't just disappear, but you are more than entitled to be happy!

 

I wish you every all the very best mate. Keep us posted!

[SweetGirl28]

Well! I met someone wonderful and I'm sacred to death! No1 was right I have attracted another beautiful, smart and successful woman. She is a doctor has two children and has been divorced for almost 1 year. She has only had a handful of dates in that time, but nothing moved past a 1st date. We have been communicating for a little over 4 weeks and it's going very well, but I'm terrified of being hurt or being wrong again. We have been communicating everyday and she is wanting to get together more and more. She is saying all the right things and makes me feel good again. I'm loving the attention, but so weary that I am going to end up hurt again.

 

My ex broke up with me back on Aug 1st. It crushed me and then after nearly 4 months of NC came back saying all the right things, only to turn around two days later and break my heart again. The incident after NC at Thanksgiving is fresh in my mind and the original heart ache still exists.

 

So, am I pushing it with a new woman? I feel it's time to move on, but can't stop thinking about the hurt. Is it too soon?

 

 

You were doing great with NC, she reached out, you felt lonely, met up, and you set yourself back.

So now, it's really only a little over a month of NC. The process of healing restarts, because you

hadnt healed prior to letting her be in touch again.

 

So, remember this: she is an alcoholic, who absolutely cannot make her mind up and stick to it.

She is non trustworthy, flaky, played you, emotionally crippled you, had embarrassing

behavior witnessed by your son and his friend, so use those negative aspects

to remind yourself that you deserve a chance, as does this new woman, to explore a relationship.

 

As Sputnik says, go slow, very slowwwwww..........lol

No need to rush, get yo to know one another, enjoy one another's company, don't lay your feelings on

the line too soon, and try really hard to not bring your ex up, except to say it didn't work out.

 

Good luck :)

[wgmitch]

Hey Mitch,

 

I am very pleased for you. Proud of your progress

 

My advice; go for it, but take it slow. Be honest with her and if it is meant to be, she will understand.

 

The hurt will stay with you.. it doesn't just disappear, but you are more than entitled to be happy!

 

I wish you every all the very best mate. Keep us posted!

 

 

 

Thank you so much! I meant to add that my ex sent my sister a friend request on FB last week. So very bizarre the behavior of this woman in her mid 50s. I am the NC king though and I will never forget the harsh and unforgivable acts by her.

 

As far as my new friend goes, slow is all I know at this point. I have been very honest about my past relationship and she is still interested, but agrees that we need to go slow. We are about an hour away from each other we both have children so we are being cautious. We are enjoying each others company though and it feels nice.

 

Mitch

[wgmitch]

You were doing great with NC, she reached out, you felt lonely, met up, and you set yourself back.

So now, it's really only a little over a month of NC. The process of healing restarts, because you

hadnt healed prior to letting her be in touch again.

 

So, remember this: she is an alcoholic, who absolutely cannot make her mind up and stick to it.

She is non trustworthy, flaky, played you, emotionally crippled you, had embarrassing

behavior witnessed by your son and his friend, so use those negative aspects

to remind yourself that you deserve a chance, as does this new woman, to explore a relationship.

 

As Sputnik says, go slow, very slowwwwww..........lol

No need to rush, get yo to know one another, enjoy one another's company, don't lay your feelings on

the line too soon, and try really hard to not bring your ex up, except to say it didn't work out.

 

Good luck :)

 

Sweetgirl,

 

Thank you so much for your words, they truly mean so much to my beat up heart and brain. To have you take the time and read through and not only understand the situation, but truly dissect and give an honest straight forward opinion is more than I could ever ask for. This forum and you have helped more than I could ever repay.

 

My strongest resolve for all of this is my commitment to No Contact. I did not choose the break up, but I chose NC! I stated above to Sputnik that my ex sent my sister a friend request on Facebook. I will not fall for any kind of non-sense, again. Shame on her for whatever she is trying to do now. I am no bodies fool.

 

Thanks again and I will keep you up to date.

 

Mitch

[SweetGirl28]

Sweetgirl,

 

Thank you so much for your words, they truly mean so much to my beat up heart and brain. To have you take the time and read through and not only understand the situation, but truly dissect and give an honest straight forward opinion is more than I could ever ask for. This forum and you have helped more than I could ever repay.

 

My strongest resolve for all of this is my commitment to No Contact. I did not choose the break up, but I chose NC! I stated above to Sputnik that my ex sent my sister a friend request on Facebook. I will not fall for any kind of non-sense, again. Shame on her for whatever she is trying to do now. I am no bodies fool.

 

Thanks again and I will keep you up to date.

 

Mitch

 

(((Hugs)))) to you :)

Now the song "Nobody's Fool" by Cinderella is in my mind! Lol

 

I so agree, when we don't choose the break up, being able to choose NC is our little empowerment tool.

Unfortunately, we often let it be broken, but hey......what would we be without our life lessons and little

learning curves? We have to take each knock and let it strengthen us, and it teaches us behavior we

don't want to tolerate ever again, so while a relationship may be a loss, we still have valuable gains

[wgmitch]

(((Hugs)))) to you

Now the song "Nobody's Fool" by Cinderella is in my mind! Lol

 

I so agree, when we don't choose the break up, being able to choose NC is our little empowerment tool.

Unfortunately, we often let it be broken, but hey......what would we be without our life lessons and little

learning curves? We have to take each knock and let it strengthen us, and it teaches us behavior we

don't want to tolerate ever again, so while a relationship may be a loss, we still have valuable gains

 

Ha! Funny you should mention the song. There is a new version out by Tom Keifer (Singer of Cinderella) and Izzy Hale I heard the other day. I found that I have Cinderella's greatest hits and I've been playing Nobodies Fool over and over and over again. I'm also a drummer so I decided to learn the song. If I record it I'll send you a link to my YouTube channel.

 

"I so agree, when we don't choose the break up, being able to choose NC is our little empowerment tool." This is exactly the way we all need to think. This is our tool to use to strengthen our selves and our resolve to the situation that seems to (and does, if we let it) take over our lives.

 

Mitch

[sputnik123]

Thank you so much! I meant to add that my ex sent my sister a friend request on FB last week. So very bizarre the behavior of this woman in her mid 50s. I am the NC king though and I will never forget the harsh and unforgivable acts by her.

 

As far as my new friend goes, slow is all I know at this point. I have been very honest about my past relationship and she is still interested, but agrees that we need to go slow. We are about an hour away from each other we both have children so we are being cautious. We are enjoying each others company though and it feels nice.

 

Mitch

 

Sounds very nice mate.

 

Wishing you every happiness! :)

[SweetGirl28]

Ha! Funny you should mention the song. There is a new version out by Tom Keifer (Singer of Cinderella) and Izzy Hale I heard the other day. I found that I have Cinderella's greatest hits and I've been playing Nobodies Fool over and over and over again. I'm also a drummer so I decided to learn the song. If I record it I'll send you a link to my YouTube channel.

 

"I so agree, when we don't choose the break up, being able to choose NC is our little empowerment tool." This is exactly the way we all need to think. This is our tool to use to strengthen our selves and our resolve to the situation that seems to (and does, if we let it) take over our lives.

 

Mitch

 

So cool! My replay song for a breakup is "Don't Know What You've Got Til It's Gone" by Cinderella.

 

I'm a die hard music fan, lots of the oldies are on my Spotify. Warrant, Poison, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard,

Whitesnake, lmaooooo that's just to name a few. My older sister turned me on to all that music

because she'd watch MTV for hours while she was supposed to be babysitting me, haha.

 

Every morning I blast the explicit version of "Signs" by Tesla. Gets me pumped up, not sure why!

 

Love the drums, I've dated guys that play guitar, any guy that can play an instrument is fun to date,

especially if they can sing too !

[wgmitch]

So cool! My replay song for a breakup is "Don't Know What You've Got Til It's Gone" by Cinderella.

 

I'm a die hard music fan, lots of the oldies are on my Spotify. Warrant, Poison, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard,

Whitesnake, lmaooooo that's just to name a few. My older sister turned me on to all that music

because she'd watch MTV for hours while she was supposed to be babysitting me, haha.

 

Every morning I blast the explicit version of "Signs" by Tesla. Gets me pumped up, not sure why!

 

Love the drums, I've dated guys that play guitar, any guy that can play an instrument is fun to date,

especially if they can sing too !

 

 

 

Did I mention I sing too!! I can't quite drum and sing, one always suffers.

 

I auditioned for America's Got Talent and the Voice a few years ago. I didn't make it past a first round, but I did it. Quite the experience.

 

I am an ex-hair band member from way back. I used to sing in a Queensryche cover band. Yep, I can scream like Jeff Tate, well not as much anymore.

 

I hope you are having a good night. It's cold and freezing rain here so just laying low tonight.

 

Mitch

[SweetGirl28]

Did I mention I sing too!! I can't quite drum and sing, one always suffers.

 

I auditioned for America's Got Talent and the Voice a few years ago. I didn't make it past a first round, but I did it. Quite the experience.

 

I am an ex-hair band member from way back. I used to sing in a Queensryche cover band. Yep, I can scream like Jeff Tate, well not as much anymore.

 

I hope you are having a good night. It's cold and freezing rain here so just laying low tonight.

 

Mitch

 

I looooooooove The Voice! Well, ya know, my Maroon Five man is where it's at!!!

The other show too, but haven't watched in a long time.

Howie Mandell and Sharrrrr-oooooon(Ozzy, I can hear him saying her name, lmao) were the best.

Did you meet them?

 

Amazing experiences, you can keep trying!

 

I never got the taste for Queensryche, lol. But yeah.....I know that....screeching.........haha

 

Same weather here. I was just saying in another thread how I'm done with this!

Snow, ice, no sun.....not for me! Looking forward to spring when everything's not so....dead and cold, Lol

 

Stay warm