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Can't drive ? Deal breaker


Stef91

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My current bf doesnt even drive 15 miles to me (20 minutes away) . Smh

 

So what do you do when you want to see each other? You drive to him every time?

 

If so, that's doesn't sound fair.

 

How long have you been dating him? How often do you see each other?

 

Was he always like this?

 

Apologies for the hijack and all the questions, but something sounds off mandee.

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So what do you do when you want to see each other? You drive to him? If so, that's doesn't sound fair.

 

How long have you been dating him? How often do you see each other?

 

Was he always like this?

 

Apologies for the hijack and all the questions, but something sounds off mandee. this is my issue with him amongst others. I've posted about it alot on my thread. Yeah I drive to him but I cut it out until I see effort. That usually doesnt work, so taking a break now from it all. I want a relationship with equal effort

Yeah I mostly drove to him. Maybe he'd drive here once a month so it was extremely unfair which is why I am off with him right now. We dont hang out much anymore because I pulled back and dont want to give in. But originally I was going there quite a few times a week and wasnt getting anything back.

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We dated 15 months so far and yes! Except for 2 months in the very beginning, he has always been like this.

Okay so this really is about him putting in an effort to learn to drive. If he wanted to, like at the beginning, he would make an effort. You should probably say something about it to him though rather than just pull away. He may respond if you ask, and you have every right to ask for your needs to be met, which is for him to come to you half the time. Pulling away without requesting first isn't giving him the chance to step it up so to speak, and it's also not pointing out something that could hinder him from future relationships working out.

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It takes me around half an hour to drive to work, and an average of 45-55 minutes to drive home. Where I am, that's standard and normal. Generally it's best to meet half way because a woman picking up a man and driving them around a lot feels strange. My ex was 27 and didn't know how to drive...So we walked around a ton.

I'd want the guy I date to drive and own a car, it's really inconvenient otherwise. Our transport system isn't the best.

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I had a friend who can afford a car, but refuses to get a license. She has a fear of driving. It really ruins her chances at dating because men wont put up with it after a while. Men want her to drive but at this point she doesnt even have a license. She is 33 years old. She gets anxiety around it. The men get turned off to her fear, not so much the fact she doesnt have a car. They dont want a woman with issues , which I think isnt fair. If you really like a person, and they dont drive due to an anxiety disorder, I think you can work with them and push them to get over their issue. Maybe they need therapy etc. But we do live in a judgemental world and people do look at why the person wont drive.

Unfortanetly she doesn't get past a few dates because they want her drive and she cant.

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I had a friend who can afford a car, but refuses to get a license. She has a fear of driving. It really ruins her chances at dating because men wont put up with it after a while. Men want her to drive but at this point she doesnt even have a license. She is 33 years old. She gets anxiety around it. The men get turned off to her fear, not so much the fact she doesnt have a car. They dont want a woman with issues , which I think isnt fair. If you really like a person, and they dont drive due to an anxiety disorder, I think you can work with them and push them to get over their issue. Maybe they need therapy etc. But we do live in a judgemental world and people do look at why the person wont drive.

Unfortanetly she doesn't get past a few dates because they want her drive and she cant.

 

mandee, these men didn't drop your friend because she didn't have a license. That was an excuse they gave her to lighten the blow. And told themselves to alleviate guilt for dumping her.

 

I mean, they knew from the get-go she didn't have a license, right?

 

If it had been such an "issue" for them, they wouldn't have started dating her in the first place.

 

I knew a man (friend of my ex) who met this women and fell hard for her.

 

He's an avid scuba diver and she wasn't, which of course he knew going in.

 

Six months later he broke up with her.

 

Reason?

 

She didn't know how to scuba dive!

 

Never-mind that she kept telling him she would learn, nope that was it.

 

He needed a woman who was an avid scuba diver like himself.

 

LOL, that these guys thought your friend had "issues."

 

Me thinks "they" were the ones with 'issues'.

 

Actually we all have issues in one form or another.

 

When you care you work through them together.

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mandee, these men didn't drop your friend because she didn't have a license. That was an excuse they gave her to lighten the blow. And told themselves to alleviate guilt for dumping her.

 

I mean, they knew from the get-go she didn't have a license, right?

 

If it had been such an "issue" for them, they wouldn't have started dating her in the first place.

 

I knew a man (friend of my ex) who met this women and fell hard for her.

 

He's an avid scuba diver and she wasn't, which of course he knew going in.

 

Six months later he broke up with her.

 

Reason?

 

She didn't know how to scuba dive!

 

Never-mind that she kept telling him she would learn, nope that was it.

 

He needed a woman who was an avid scuba diver like himself.

 

LOL, that these guys thought your friend had "issues."

 

Me thinks "they" were the ones with 'issues'.

 

Actually we all have issues in one form or another.

 

When you care you work through them together.

Lol true they def had the issues ! Im sure its an excuse also. She just hasnt found the right man for her to take her as she is.
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I had a friend who can afford a car, but refuses to get a license. She has a fear of driving. It really ruins her chances at dating because men wont put up with it after a while. Men want her to drive but at this point she doesnt even have a license. She is 33 years old. She gets anxiety around it. The men get turned off to her fear, not so much the fact she doesnt have a car. They dont want a woman with issues , which I think isnt fair. If you really like a person, and they dont drive due to an anxiety disorder, I think you can work with them and push them to get over their issue. Maybe they need therapy etc. But we do live in a judgemental world and people do look at why the person wont drive.

Unfortanetly she doesn't get past a few dates because they want her drive and she cant.

 

I think it's fine not to want to date someone who has an anxiety disorder - that's not being judgmental in the least -that's being selective about who you date - now if they would not work with a person with an anxiety disorder just because that person had a disability, or similar, that would likely be judgmental. I don't think we live in a "judgmental world" -look at what's going on in Houston right now - all the human compassion and actions to support strangers and help them - judgmental??

 

I don't think it's a romantic partner's job to "push" their partner to get over anxiety. Certainly, if she chooses to be with someone with a disorder she can help him find a therapist, even go to sessions if that would help, help with choice of meds, etc but why should someone be attacked for being "judgmental" because she chooses not to date someone with mental or emotional issues? I stopped dating someone years ago when I learned he had an anger disorder and had stopped getting therapy, didn't go on a second date with a guy who had ADD (because of how he described what he did during those times it was in full swing, including sexual assault), and declined to meet someone who used a wheelchair because when it comes to relationships, I wanted someone who'd be able to walk places and hike, etc. I'd be happy to be friends with that person all else equal.

 

For some, not driving means that the person will not be able to get around on his/her own unless that person already has strategies in place to do so. Today I met a friend for lunch. I took a train and bus there (took 45 minutes, drive would have been 15) and planned to walk back (almost 2 miles). She offered to drive me home even though it was out of her way -I questioned her and she said sure - no problem. But I was ready to walk (or get home on my own) -I wouldn't have asked. If a person who doesn't drive would be constantly asking for rides or feel entitled to transportation, that could be a whole different issue.

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Batya I agree with you, if one chooses to not date someone who doesn't have a license, doesn't have a car, has a fear of driving or anxiety about anything else, that is certainly their prerogative. No argument from me whatsoever.

 

However these men that mandee's friend dated knew from the very beginning that she didn't have a license, didn't drive, had fears about it, but proceeded to pursue her anyway, and apparently dated for awhile.

 

Then dropped her because she didn't have a license and didn't drive?

 

Which again they knew going in.

 

I'm calling bs on that.

 

And if you or anyone suggests that they didn't know how big an "issue" it would be until they dated her (and no doubt had sex with her), I call BS on that too.

 

That would be akin to the man I am currently dating telling me NOW (after six dates and lots of sex) that he doesn't wish to date me anymore because I don't have a car, and don't drive.

 

Total BS, which fortunately is not the case as we are heading out of town this weekend to celebrate the Labor Day Holiday!

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Batya I agree with you, if one chooses to not date someone who doesn't have a license, doesn't have a car, has a fear of driving or anxiety about anything else, that is certainly their prerogative. No argument from me whatsoever.

 

However these men that mandee's friend dated knew from the very beginning that she didn't have a license, didn't drive, had fears about it, but proceeded to pursue her anyway, and apparently dated for awhile.

 

Then dropped her because she didn't have a license and didn't drive?

 

Which again they knew going in.

 

I'm calling bs on that.

 

And if you or anyone suggests that they didn't know how big an "issue" it would be until they dated her (and no doubt had sex with her), I call BS on that too.

 

That would be akin to the man I am currently dating telling me NOW (after six dates and lots of sex) that he doesn't wish to date me anymore because I don't have a car.

 

Total BS, which fortunately is not the case as we are heading out of town for our first full weekend together to celebrate the Labor Day Holiday!

 

Yes and yes but it would depend on how much she disclosed about her anxiety disorder/why she didn't drive. Enjoy your weekend!

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Yes and yes but it would depend on how much she disclosed about her anxiety disorder/why she didn't drive. Enjoy your weekend!

 

Batya, fair enough I suppose, personally I don't think it matters a hill of beans how much she disclosed though, in this case, they knew she didn't have a license and didn't drive from the beginning, and it didn't matter.

 

Then later after dating (and having sex?), suddenly it did.

 

Anyway, I don't wish to argue, we can just agree to disagree as we often do.

 

Thank you for wishing me well on my first long weekend away with new man!

 

I am excited, but kind of nervous at the same time. It's a good nervous though, so it's all good.

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Before I sign off for the weekend, I would like to make another comment to mandee.

 

mandee, IF these men actually ended things with your friend due to a general anxiety disorder that manifested into other areas other than her fear of driving, then that is a completely separate issue altogether.

 

If that is actually the case, then it's not fair to say that they ended things because she didn't have a license and didn't drive.

 

They ended things because of a general anxiety that may have caused problems in rl later, and if that is the case, then if she were my friend I would advise her to seek help (internally and/or with the help of a qualified professional specializing in anxiety disorders), so this doesn't keep repeating. Seems strange that it would happen with every guy she dates.

 

Ciao everyone, good weekend to all!

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Batya, fair enough I suppose, personally I don't think it matters a hill of beans how much she disclosed though, in this case, they knew she didn't have a license and didn't drive from the beginning, and it didn't matter.

 

Then later after dating (and having sex?), suddenly it did.

 

Anyway, I don't wish to argue, we can just agree to disagree as we often do.

 

Thank you for wishing me well on my first long weekend away with new man!

 

I am excited, but kind of nervous at the same time. It's a good nervous though, so it's all good.

 

Oh I meant the dealbreaker could be the anxiety disorder, not the lack of a license. Have fun and "new man" -woo hoo!

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