BlueEternity Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 (Not sure which forum to put this in) I have a very dear friend that I have known since we were small children. We've gone through periods of being more distant, either emotionally or geographically, but our friendship has remained very strong through high school, through college, and the years since. Her family members are like relatives to me, and vice versa. Right now, however, we live several hours apart, and usually see each other a couple times a year. Her boyfriend of four years just broke up with her. She is understandably devastated, and I am at a loss to know how to help her. Neither of us has ever gone through a big break-up before, just short-lived casual relationships fizzling out. She had expected to marry this guy, and in fact, we all had expected a proposal by Christmas. The break-up wasn't due to anything dramatic like cheating or something, but rather personality/communication conflicts that had been a pattern throughout their relationship. Personally, I think the pressure of realizing it was time for a lifetime commitment is what made him re-think things. Honestly, I never liked him all that much and I think she can do a lot better, but I am smart enough not to say that to her right now! She is still very much hoping that she can fix herself and get him back. They both told each other that they still loved the other, but he's been maintaining no contact for about two weeks (I think she's attempting NC, but hasn't been entirely successful). If I lived closer, I would be trying to be physically present for her, going out, keeping her too busy to sit and stew about things, hoping to help her recognize that she is an awesome person that doesn't need to be fixed. But I can't do that. I've seen her once since the break-up, at her brother's wedding (Her gem of an ex broke things off the week of - he was supposed to be a groomsman, too), where we could only talk for a little. We've texted and called a little, and I sent her a handwritten letter, but any contact seems to prompt a flood of emotions and explanations. I don't mind listening, but she finds it exhausting, and it makes her sad, and so then she wants space. I know I can't make everything better for her, and she has to walk this road by herself, but what can I do to be a supportive friend when I can't physically be there for her? Are there any pitfalls to avoid? I have literally never known her to be so unhappy in her life, and my heart is just aching for her. Link to comment
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