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Too funny for the bedroom... and other problems.


KathrynLyn

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I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year and a half. We moved very fast from the moment we met, practically living together. He is my best friend and for the most part has been a wonderful partner.

 

For the last two months or so, I have not wanted to be active with him. He tends to do things (like make jokes and be super silly) when trying to initiate sex that really turn me off. I have told him about these things and he has made some small changes. But these changes are not at all enough to make me want to be with him.

 

More recently all the little things he does really irritate me. And I constantly feel so annoyed when I'm with him. I have told him about these things that annoy me, and again small changes for a while but still the same.

 

I also have found myself being really attracted to other guys I see. I've never acted on these feelings but they are so strong and I find myself recalling wishing I was single. I just would never want to hurt him because he's such a great guy.

 

I'm also worried because he wants to live with me when I get done with college (two years form now). And this worries me because I will never get a change just to be on my own and experience life as a young adult out of my own. I would be going from living with my Dad to living with my boyfriend. I feel like I need to try life alone.

 

I do feel a strong connection for him, but I feel like it is turning into a friendship love, instead of romantic. He is such a nice, caring and funny guy, and I don't want to hurt him. Should I tell him more about the things that bother me? Should I just straight up end it? I'm not sure, but I would love some input from anyone! Thank you so much guys!

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Honestly, nearly your entire post sounds like you're actually pleading your case in front of a jury to dump your guy. Constantly being irritated is one of the surest signs of the relationship having run its course. Once you're essentially looking for dudes to imagine jumping on and wishing you were single to do so, that's pretty much all the confirmation you need.

 

And I am a firm believer in getting independent on your own before jumping straight into cohabiting with a partner. You'll bring a much more verbose toolkit to work with.

 

No, don't henpeck and nag him about all the little things that bother you. Listen to what your feelings are strongly telling you to do.

 

ETA: And just my own anecdote to throw in if you are insisting on isolating the whole jokes / laughing and sex matter, I once had a roommate who would bring his girlfriend and they both would literally laugh out loud pretty much between every other moan. Good for them but unfortunate for me, they bumped uglies preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty regularly and loudly. I have no idea how or why they giggled and banged like that, but 5 years later, they're married and seemingly still infatuated with one-another. Apparently it factored into their sexual chemistry, so fair enough.

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It seems obvious to me that the right thing to do is just end it.

 

It doesn't appear you like much about him at all, the opposite, he irritates and annoys you.

 

No amount of asking him to "change" to be who you want him to be will change anything.

 

He is who he is, you are who you are.

 

Not ending it is more cruel than ending it, imo.

 

Breakups are hard, no matter what the circumstances so best of luck.

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