JohnDaredevil Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 Hi all, First off thank you in advance for your support and interest! I will try to be concise. I am a 30-year old man, working in France. A female colleague from another office in Austria has been showing interest in me, at a few events, and then through chat. She is 31, very pretty, funny, sweet, quite direct. I didn't take the first step but always responded warmly, and we've had a good "virtual" dialogue for 2-3 months. Over chat she told me she was feeling low. Eventually the opportunity presented itself for her to travel to Paris, where I work. She had to spend a couple of days here so we agreed that we'd meet up one evening. I took her out of town for a picnic. During the picnic she explained to me that she has a 42-year old boyfriend, who already has a daughter and an ex-wife. This situation is heavy on her, she is annoyed of having to deal with the ex-wfe, and it doesn't feel special because her man tells her he doesn't have an urge to have a family with her, since he already has a daughter. Hence, she is questioning her relationship. During the picnic she also mentioned, a few times, that her age demands her to be with a man which wants children. While talking to her, i started falling for her, which made me shy and tense. Also, her commitment talk added to my general nervousness. I have been in a relationship before which ended for that same reason (the girl was a few years older than i was and had the same concerns, so rather than postponing the discussion i felt it would be best not to take her time), and getting over it isn't by far one of the easiest things i've had to do. As the evening progressed i was always warm and friendly but maybe sometimes wasn't as delicate and "wooing" as she maybe would have liked me to be. I told her quite directly that i thought she should end her current relationship, and made fun a few times (in a teasing way, not malicious) of her current boyfriend. I also didn't overly empathise when she complained about, e.g., having to catch an early flight or having to work when she got back to Austria... This is not the first time I seem to attract a girl in a relationship, which is something i don't like because i find it unhealthy, it makes me feel like a fall-down option. I am looking for a girl that wants to be my friend and who doesn't see me as a transition or generally a means to an end. After the picnic we went at my apartment, where we stayed for a couple of hours talking. I got a little drunk, and at one point, also knowing that she was leaving the next day and thinking that that's what she maybe expected me to do, while we were both laughing i asked her if i could kiss her. She replied "of course not", and I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek while she was slightly pushing me away with her arm. This happened again 1 more time roughly 15' later. I was generally joking and laughing, but couldn't help feeling a bit dumb... and i don't think she appreciated me "making a move", or at least the way in which i did it. After that we chatted a bit more, at which point we started getting tired. After another 30' i accompanied her back to her hotel, close to where i live. She gave me a strong hug as a way of goodbye. The next day she went home, i texted her to thank her for a great evening. She replied saying that it was very nice, even though, in her words, i was quite "difficult". I found that cute and replied jokingly that i didn't think i was the difficult one, and a few other light-toned sentences wishing her a good end of the week. I do realise that this joking light-hearted tone isn't maybe what a woman who'd like to be seduced is expecting. In any case, no reply and no more communication since then, it's been 5 days now. At this point I am a little confused: I like her, even more after this evening. But my head tells me that i am not the guy for her, as i need something easy and fun, before thinking about commitment (I realise this is selfish and convenient for me, but i do have my reasons... and i don't mean ages, just a year or so to get to know each other and see if it works). And anyway, I think i blew it, by being too direct, trying to kiss her too early or in a clumsy way, and too little wooing. I know how i am when i am truly wooing, and even wonder if, by being afraid of commitment-talk, i unconsciously sabotaged it. What are your thoughts, in general? Did I blow my chances? Should I anyway just move on and forget about her, or should I hope to have more contact with her? Thank you very much in advance! Hope this can also be of help to someone else! Link to comment
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