Abusive Ex Contacting Me

[TheWonderer]

My mentally, verbally and physically abusive ex has been out of the picture for something like a year and a half; it was a terrible breakup after a terrible relationship (the worst of many things was when she pulled a gun on me one night when I attempted to leave her). She was very jealous and manipulative, and I never want anything to do with her again; I've moved on with someone who is truly amazing and I'm thankful for that. The problem is that the ex tried calling me in January, which I attributed to an accidental dial on her cell phone. I blocked her number and check it now and again to see if she's tried calling...and two weeks ago she apparently tried to call me twice on the same day. This is no accidental dial; it worries me because I know what she's like. I was literally afraid to leave her for four months because I felt like she would retaliate violently. My GF and I have a new address, I can't change my number (work phone), but any advice from anyone with similar experience would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

The Wonderer

[Seraphim]

Wow. I am sorry to hear that. I am glad you got away. Document document document. If it keeps happening check with the police.

[melancholy123]

Is there any way you can change your phone # even tho it's a work phone? Is there no higher up at your job who can help you with this?

[glitterfingers]

I'd probably personally report it to police so they can contact her and give her a scare. That way she knows if she keeps trying to contact you, there will be consequences

 

Just be aware that if she knows where you bank/work/get your electricity or internet provided, unstable and abusive people can fairly easily dupe customer service representatives into revealing your address by pretending to be you/your partner. Most organisations will offer to put added security on your accounts if requested, like a password that's required which alerts employees to the possibility of a safety threat. You might want to do that for added peace of mind

[TheWonderer]

Thank you all for the advice. The more I read about abusive/manipulative people, it seems like they want the attention or some reaction from the person that they "control". I will go to the police if it happens again, but it's almost satisfying to go the way of no contact. Taking proactive steps like passwords with utility companies, etc..seems like great advice as well, I'll be looking into that. My fear with going to the police is that it might trigger some sort of bad response on her part, when maybe just ignoring her will frustrate her and hopefully move her down the road (hopefully she won't find another target). Thanks again.

[abitbroken]

My mentally, verbally and physically abusive ex has been out of the picture for something like a year and a half; it was a terrible breakup after a terrible relationship (the worst of many things was when she pulled a gun on me one night when I attempted to leave her). She was very jealous and manipulative, and I never want anything to do with her again; I've moved on with someone who is truly amazing and I'm thankful for that. The problem is that the ex tried calling me in January, which I attributed to an accidental dial on her cell phone. I blocked her number and check it now and again to see if she's tried calling...and two weeks ago she apparently tried to call me twice on the same day. This is no accidental dial; it worries me because I know what she's like. I was literally afraid to leave her for four months because I felt like she would retaliate violently. My GF and I have a new address, I can't change my number (work phone), but any advice from anyone with similar experience would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

The Wonderer

 

My concern is how long between the breakup and moving in with your girlfirend. Were you healed enough to recognize early behaviors that signal later abuse -- the relationship moving very quickly in the beginning, codependency, etc?

[TheWonderer]

I've had a lot of therapy to deal with job-related PTSD and this was actually something that was discussed. I am definitely able to (now) recognize behaviors that signal abuse, thanks to my experience with an abuser. My girlfriend now is the exact opposite of the abuser...kind, compassionate, and very genuine. It was an easy decision for us to make, to start living together. If there's a silver lining to the past bad relationship, it's that I was given an education in how bad people can be, but it also made me seek help in dealing with some of the issues that made me allow myself to be treated like crap.