afraid I won't find anyone

[esm12]

I've been healing from a breakup, and I realize my biggest concern is never finding anyone just because I am so shy. This "relationship" honestly wasn't even was one as there was constant cheating and him pressuring for sex at all times. It was toxic, but I realize I wanted in one because I was 19 and had never been in one. I spent 3 years on this, so now I'm 21 and honestly haven't had much relationship experience, except for the occasional guys wanting to hook up. I also have low self esteem, but I know part of the reason I stayed in such a toxic situation is because I was worried I would never find someone. How do I get over this fear so I can stop myself from settling?

[Coolstorybro]

You're 21. After 10-15 years you can start worrying.

[Missing them]

I hear ya. I am 34 and after my last relationship feel I won't meet anyone either. I also work all the time so have no opportunity to meet people. You are young and will find someone. Just work on some of those insecurities. All the best.

[pippy longstocking]

Darling I am 50 and on my own ...don't worry ..life falls together in the end ...

[Snny]

Wow, you are more resilient than you believe! I mean it

 

There are so many posts on this forum from people who have been played, are "unable" to break away and move on. You already took the biggest, most challenging step by ending a horrible relationship, but it takes even more strength to realize that it was the right decision for yourself. This shows higher self respect for yourself, and it will draw more people to you.

 

I spent 3 years on this, so now I'm 21 and honestly haven't had much relationship experience, except for the occasional guys wanting to hook up

I strongly disagree. Your three years taught you what you want AND what you don't want in a relationship. Despite of having "low self-esteem, you mustered up the courage to say NO and took the brave step of leaving to reclaim your inner peace. There are people out in the world who are in marriages and are bullied by their spouses, and they haven't found their voice to say ENOUGH. This courage and previous experience has shown you signs of disrespect and bullying from a partner. And despite of all the BS he has put you through, you survived by walking out.

 

You are capable of standing up for yourself. Good for you.

 

I realize my biggest concern is never finding anyone just because I am so shy.

This is a very natural fear for anyone who is out of a relationship. Please don't beat yourself up on this or think it's the end of the world. Like CoolStoryBro (haha) mentioned, you're 21 and have plenty of time to figure out yourself and potential suitors.

 

The best relationships are those that happen unexpectedly. I married my best friend from college (carrying our child now), and we were close friends for a year before we started dating. I walked out of an abusive relationship and was a mental/physical mess while we were friends- never in my life would I expect him to be the guy I ended up with in the future.

 

Don't look for love; let it find you.

[esm12]

Thank you so much. I am proud of myself for making the decision, and like I said have been feeling really good. I think last night I just realized how truly awful he was. I wanted to text him so badly and get answers about why he played me and had to lie to me but I realize I really don't need those answers. That's just who he is.

[boltnrun]

Thank you so much. I am proud of myself for making the decision, and like I said have been feeling really good. I think last night I just realized how truly awful he was. I wanted to text him so badly and get answers about why he played me and had to lie to me but I realize I really don't need those answers. That's just who he is.

 

He's a liar, so even if he did respond he would just tell you more lies.

 

Good for you for not sticking around.