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He's just not into me 😭


marshmallow107

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You didn't "ruin everything." Shame on him for putting any sort of guilt on you. What you did was a minor transgression at most, and he majorly overreacted. He could have said "well, I'm with someone different now. Friends?" or suggested not to talk about it. That he overreacted and blew up on you like that is immature and an indication that you probably dodged a bullet.

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It was weird. We were in our school building, milling around the hallway because we had various appointments/interviews and so they couldn't really walk far away from me -I heard her speaking to him -not loudly- but not happily. What probably happened is that I said hi to him and said something enthusiastic or high energy about what was going on with the job fair and my guess is he probably made some comment about how he would pick me/hire me if it were up to him - but it definitely was something forward and something about my looks (so long ago!) so I probably responded with a coy "any time -you pick the day" -nothing sexual -probably just telling him I would meet up with him for a date, etc. That's when he seemed taken aback and his girlfriend (who, again, I had no clue was his girlfriend) was close enough by to hear what was going on. But I always felt intimidated by her and just embarrassed that I read him wrong.

 

So one thing I learned over the years was to be far less chatty especially when nervous (I've never been drunk -but it's similar in that when I get that way I'm tempted to be too chatty/overshare so I learned to curb that but apparently not at that stage). Fortunately I married a man who is reserved/understated so we balance each other nicely and I'm inspired by his discretion lol.

 

I totally get this. I also know that one of my faults is that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I put too much energy into a guy because I 'think' they're interested. Which often means I tend to end up getting hurt because I've invested too much too soon - something I definitely need to work on.

 

I also think you shouldn't curb your enthusiasm though! Sometimes it's better to put yourself out there, even if that risks getting hurt. I have a friend who never ever puts herself out there but she has not dated anybody for years and years, because she is too scared of getting hurt. Getting hurt has to be part of the journey right? And it's the thing that helps you to learn and be one step closer to finding the right person?

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You didn't "ruin everything." Shame on him for putting any sort of guilt on you. What you did was a minor transgression at most, and he majorly overreacted. He could have said "well, I'm with someone different now. Friends?" or suggested not to talk about it. That he overreacted and blew up on you like that is immature and an indication that you probably dodged a bullet.

 

Thank you Pleasedonot. I actually spoke to my friend who's event it was this morning. He is incredibly angry with him. His response was that he knows me well enough to know I'm not the sort of person to ever interfere or upset anybody on purpose. In his view, I only spoke to him about something he knew already and the fact he lost his temper so badly means that I've dodged a huge bullet.

 

But then he's my friend so I guess he has to say that 🙈

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I agree with jman that confessions aren't appropriate. Those are for grade schoolers, while adults can simply ask one another for a date. If the other declines, then there's the answer. If the other accepts, you can explore the degree of interest on the date.

 

While the guy's reaction was rude, I think I understand what he meant by 'ruining everything.' Confessions change the nature and comfort of a friendship, which is why they don't make sense to pursue when simply asking for a date can be brushed off as bad timing and the friendship can resume.

 

I would not try to 'fix' this because we can't take back what we've said. Pursuing further conversation about it only raises the squirm factor, and it's not necessary. I'd just leave it alone--along with him. If your paths cross in public, I'd develop a convenient case of amnesia and greet him as kindly as I would a stranger as I pass him by. He'll either get past it on his own, or he won't. You can't influence that now.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

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I agree with jman that confessions aren't appropriate. Those are for grade schoolers, while adults can simply ask one another for a date. If the other declines, then there's the answer. If the other accepts, you can explore the degree of interest on the date.

 

While the guy's reaction was rude, I think I understand what he meant by 'ruining everything.' Confessions change the nature and comfort of a friendship, which is why they don't make sense to pursue when simply asking for a date can be brushed off as bad timing and the friendship can resume.

 

I would not try to 'fix' this because we can't take back what we've said. Pursuing further conversation about it only raises the squirm factor, and it's not necessary. I'd just leave it alone--along with him. If your paths cross in public, I'd develop a convenient case of amnesia and greet him as kindly as I would a stranger as I pass him by. He'll either get past it on his own, or he won't. You can't influence that now.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

 

I think I used the word 'confession' wrongly. It was more a confirmation that yes I do have some feelings for him. I did also explain to him that the reason I hadn't spoken to him or asked him out before now was because I didn't want to put him in a difficult position professionally. I have also enjoyed having him as a trainer (he is a very good one). Unfortunately this clearly means that over time my feelings have grown.

 

I guess my choices were to either learn to live with it and say nothing, or say something at some point. I chose to say something - but sadly at the wrong time.

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I think I used the word 'confession' wrongly. It was more a confirmation that yes I do have some feelings for him. I did also explain to him that the reason I hadn't spoken to him or asked him out before now was because I didn't want to put him in a difficult position professionally. I have also enjoyed having him as a trainer (he is a very good one). Unfortunately this clearly means that over time my feelings have grown.

 

I guess my choices were to either learn to live with it and say nothing, or say something at some point. I chose to say something - but sadly at the wrong time.

 

What has changed in positioning him badly earlier versus today? In what context will you need to deal with him going forward?

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Yes it does, forget about it.

 

His anger issues are his. Not your problem. Stop being so hard on yourself.

 

Thanks Sportster. The first sighting is over. It was incredibly awkward. He didn't speak to me so I just kept my head down and got on with my workout. But it's not only me he's being awkward with, but also other people who were at the event too. He's avoiding speaking to everybody - including people who were there but don't know either of us all that well 😔

 

I've also been told by various people that were there but hardly know me that from what they saw, I did nothing wrong. Except for being honest and his rage was over the top.

 

Anyway... the worst bits over I guess. I just hope it's not awkward like this forever

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Finally plucked up the courage to confess my feelings to my crush. Something that's taken me far too long to do, and well it looks like I've totally misread all of the signals.

 

Turns out he's very very recently started dating somebody. He brought her to the gathering we were at so I wasn't going to say anything, but we got talking and I guess I thought it's now or never. Stupid maybe - and yes I feel terrible for doing it whilst she was at the same event - but I knew I would never tell him otherwise.

 

We chatted for a bit and then he went off to find her. I let him go, but saw him again later on his own and he got really angry with me - very extreme reaction. Told me I'd messed everything up. I had no idea what he was talking about and he ran off and went home (on his own), told me to leave him alone. So now not only do I feel gutted but I also feel guilty about apparently messing something up for him?!

 

Hey ho....life moves forward right?

 

What a

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