How do you really get over an ex for good?

[mandeelove]

Hello everyone. Ive been going through a tough time. Almost 2 years ago I had a bad breakup with a guy I deeply loved and saw marriage with. I knew the second I met him I was going to marry him..which never happened before to me or him. We had a bad break up though. I got very depressed/sick. We kept contact every few weeks ...it only got worse. We went nc 6 months and he returned after that. It never really worked bcuz he was scared to rekindle and it held him back. Everytime we hit a longer nc , someone would break it...( i def did more than him. I wont lie. ) Now we are nc for 3 months and he has a gf who i think hes very serious about. She met his family and all. This is his first serious gf since our breakup so he def means business.

Even though its been 2 years almost, I cant get over him. I try positivity, new hobbies, focuding on me, dating, a full blown relationship, but still in the back of my mind hoped it would of worked out. Despite having my own new bf, i still got so devestated that he got a new gf and i was mad bcuz she was not attractive. Idk why it got me angry but it did. Then this anger turned to saddness . Idk if its bcuz I want him back OR i never gave myself a chance to mourn. I never did a full nc where i stopped texting him or vice versa so the breakup was almost 2 yrs ago but feels like yesterday.... does that make sense?

 

When i do NC I count the weeks its been since our last text. I dont want to do this though bcuz its like Im counting my life away. I feel like Im in recovery when I count. I want to live life where I dont remember how long its been since we spoke. I want to forget him. I check his social media non stop . It gives me less anxiety but long term it gave me more. How do i stop checking??? He blocked me but i then let my friends check him. Its bad, i admit it. Its clear we are never getting back together and friendship doesnt work, so how can i get over him? I want to rid my mind of him . The bf I recently have is not good for me. Ive posted about him several times....so when I had issues ,I would tell my ex and he gave advice. He saw me in a bad state of mind but he was there for me so that set me back. It hurt more that I had a lousy bf and my ex was nicer than even him at times...remembering special days or asking me how my dog was after surgery. He stuck with me.

 

The reason we broke up was lying on his end. He sexted with a woman, ended it, but she texted me the details. I never forgave him but when i finally did, it was too late. He didnt want to try again.

 

Besides NC, blocking him....how on earth do I get over him? By the way he lives 3 blocks away. The torture of that really hurts sometimes seeing his car etc. And we have all mutual friends. Can anyone tell me how they got over their ex who they deeply loved? What steps did you take? At this point I keep wishing it was the next season, the next holiday, the next year, just to say a whole chunk of time has passed but that causes me to not really be living.

 

I was always a strong person. Ive been through tough losses in life and always bounced back very quickly. This one sent me so downhill, it even shocks me.

[Jibralta]

Time should do it. But for you, it's been two years, which is a very long time. You need to get on this. Focus on taking good care of yourself physically and mentally.

 

I have a friend who caught her ex cheating on her. It was a nine-year relationship. It happened over 15 years ago and she's never gotten past it. She's 45 now. She's allowed herself to gain a lot of weight. Career-wise has become completely unrealistic and unmotivated. These things have snowballed and compounded over the years, and now she feels terrible about herself, and has completely given up on dating. It's a shame, because she is a wonderful, intelligent person and a lot of fun to hang out with.

 

So, get your willpower together and start moving forward.

[DancingFool]

You have got to quit contact with your ex. Just have to. Every bit of contact is ripping the wound open over and over again, so even though it's been two years, you literally haven't allowed yourself to even start healing. You have to block, delete, get rid of all means of contact, get rid of things that remind you of him. Literally purge everything. At this point, you have to take that kind of drastic action for your own sanity's sake. Only then will time start doing its thing.

 

As for the current bf, just do yourself a favor and put him out to the curb already. Don't compound your problems by being with some jerk.

 

Your life literally needs a spring cleaning.

[DanZee]

Living so close to your old boyfriend and seeing him so frequently with your mutual friends is not going to let you forget him. I had something similar in college where the office where my ex worked was right next to the office where I worked. That did not help things one bit.

 

You've got to uproot your life, maybe move to another town. You can't forget him until you can get away from him.

[zippitt]

In some ways I think the whole concept of truly getting over someone is complete BS, but only if you really loved that person, I guess it's probably different for everyone. However for me, I still love a few of my exes, they will forever be part of me as so much was shared, this is even with decades of NC with no plans on ever having contact. You learn that it's over, but you can still embrace the good memories you had of those people, just don't live in the past and learn to move beyond resentment and anger. I have learned that love is not enough, however just because it's not enough doesn't mean you ever stop loving, but you must love yourself more because unhappiness is horrible and it's not the same as not loving, so also remember how your felt with your ex in regard to the unhappiness.

 

Obviously NC can never be broken, as every time it does it will set you back, the other thing you must do though, is live in the present, as others have said do what makes you happy, take care of yourself, be selfish, spoil / pamper. For me working out was key, it eliminates so much anxiety and depression I couldn't imagine where I would be without it.

 

Appreciate all the things you have now and what new things the future can bring, because knowing my past loves, I know I can have more, potentially even better, it stops you from getting hung up on what you thing might have been the "one"...will you still occasionally think of your ex or exes, probably, but don't dwell there, smile and move on knowing you can have more of the same or even better with different people.

 

Sounds like you need to break up with your current BF BTW, he doesn't sound like more of the same or anywhere close to better.

[Thebighere]

Hello everyone. Ive been going through a tough time. Almost 2 years ago I had a bad breakup with a guy I deeply loved and saw marriage with. I knew the second I met him I was going to marry him..which never happened before to me or him. We had a bad break up though. I got very depressed/sick. We kept contact every few weeks ...it only got worse. We went nc 6 months and he returned after that. It never really worked bcuz he was scared to rekindle and it held him back. Everytime we hit a longer nc , someone would break it...( i def did more than him. I wont lie. ) Now we are nc for 3 months and he has a gf who i think hes very serious about. She met his family and all. This is his first serious gf since our breakup so he def means business.

Even though its been 2 years almost, I cant get over him. I try positivity, new hobbies, focuding on me, dating, a full blown relationship, but still in the back of my mind hoped it would of worked out. Despite having my own new bf, i still got so devestated that he got a new gf and i was mad bcuz she was not attractive. Idk why it got me angry but it did. Then this anger turned to saddness . Idk if its bcuz I want him back OR i never gave myself a chance to mourn. I never did a full nc where i stopped texting him or vice versa so the breakup was almost 2 yrs ago but feels like yesterday.... does that make sense?

 

When i do NC I count the weeks its been since our last text. I dont want to do this though bcuz its like Im counting my life away. I feel like Im in recovery when I count. I want to live life where I dont remember how long its been since we spoke. I want to forget him. I check his social media non stop . It gives me less anxiety but long term it gave me more. How do i stop checking??? He blocked me but i then let my friends check him. Its bad, i admit it. Its clear we are never getting back together and friendship doesnt work, so how can i get over him? I want to rid my mind of him . The bf I recently have is not good for me. Ive posted about him several times....so when I had issues ,I would tell my ex and he gave advice. He saw me in a bad state of mind but he was there for me so that set me back. It hurt more that I had a lousy bf and my ex was nicer than even him at times...remembering special days or asking me how my dog was after surgery. He stuck with me.

 

Firstly: You've got to stop checking his social media if you want to move on!! Your brain will think more about the things you choose to expose it to. You keep feeding your brain with more thoughts to think about him by continually checking information about him.

 

Honestly, i know how hard it is!!! I took two years to get over someone once before. (((hugs)))

[mandeelove]

Firstly: You've got to stop checking his social media if you want to move on!! Your brain will think more about the things you choose to expose it to. You keep feeding your brain with more thoughts to think about him by continually checking information about him.

 

Honestly, i know how hard it is!!! I took two years to get over someone once before. (((hugs)))

Thank you so much! It got to the point I deleted facebook 2 days ago to stop checking . He is blocked and he blocked me also but I have a personal fb I check so yeah I deleted them all for now... And instagram. Thats how Im starting to rid my mind of him.... And I deleted all texts and pictures. How did you get over it? Was it 2 years of NC or did you have contact in that time?

[Thebighere]

Thank you so much! It got to the point I deleted facebook 2 days ago to stop checking . He is blocked and he blocked me also but I have a personal fb I check so yeah I deleted them all for now... And instagram. Thats how Im starting to rid my mind of him.... And I deleted all texts and pictures. How did you get over it? Was it 2 years of NC or did you have contact in that time?

 

I've learnt from my experience, but what prolonged my healing was i stayed friends with him on social media and i kept up to date with all of his updates. We messaged from time to time but what usually would happen is, i would message him, he would respond, i would respond back, and then he would *never* respond a second time. He was always super friendly but he didn't want to continue contact, that was clear.

 

Truthfully, i got over it when i watched the process of him falling in love with another girl through facebook. It was heartbreaking to watch (i couldn't believe i was still hanging on). It forced me to just stop! Wake up and move on with my life. I actually met my BIG love weeks later. After i had accepted i had no chance.

 

The guy i took 2 years to get over is actually married to that girl now, and they seem so happy. I am happy for him.

 

I actually saw him this year at a wedding, and it was truly wonderful as i could see the qualities in him that caused me to like him in the first place, but i had no romantic feelings. No sting of the heart. Nothing. But it has been yeeeaaaaars now.

[mandeelove]

I've learnt from my experience, but what prolonged my healing was i stayed friends with him on social media and i kept up to date with all of his updates. We messaged from time to time but what usually would happen is, i would message him, he would respond, i would respond back, and then he would *never* respond a second time. He was always super friendly but he didn't want to continue contact, that was clear.

 

Truthfully, i got over it when i watched the process of him falling in love with another girl through facebook. It was heartbreaking to watch (i couldn't believe i was still hanging on). It forced me to just stop! Wake up and move on with my life. I actually met my BIG love weeks later. After i had accepted i had no chance.

 

The guy i took 2 years to get over is actually married to that girl now, and they seem so happy. I am happy for him.

 

I actually saw him this year at a wedding, and it was truly wonderful as i could see the qualities in him that caused me to like him in the first place, but i had no romantic feelings. No sting of the heart. Nothing. But it has been yeeeaaaaars now.

That is where Im at. He got a new gf. I think he loves her . And that is when it hit me that I really let 2 years of my life go and he wound up with a new girl anyway. He got stronger in that time but I got weaker. So Im in a bad spot now but like you, this female was my wake up call that its really over now and I refuse to waste my good years crying, living my life by checking his. I hope one day I can hear his name or see a picture and it wouldnt affect me. I want to say Im happy for him like I say about other exes. Right now Im bitter and not happy for him so its a bad place to be. Thanks for sharing with me!

[Thebighere]

That is where Im at. He got a new gf. I think he loves her . And that is when it hit me that I really let 2 years of my life go and he wound up with a new girl anyway. He got stronger in that time but I got weaker. So Im in a bad spot now but like you, this female was my wake up call that its really over now and I refuse to waste my good years crying, living my life by checking his. I hope one day I can hear his name or see a picture and it wouldnt affect me. I want to say Im happy for him like I say about other exes. Right now Im bitter and not happy for him so its a bad place to be. Thanks for sharing with me!

 

You'll get there!!!

 

I thought i would NEVER be able to say that about the ex in my story, but i did.

Sometimes the hard wakeup call is what you need. You will have learnt so much from this experience. I certainly did. My life totally changed..i became such a strong person afterwards.

 

Hang in there. Your healing process will speed up now that you've had the cold bucket of reality poured over you.

You can overcome this, You WILL overcome this. I promise

[mandeelove]

You'll get there!!!

 

I thought i would NEVER be able to say that about the ex in my story, but i did.

Sometimes the hard wakeup call is what you need. You will have learnt so much from this experience. I certainly did. My life totally changed..i became such a strong person afterwards.

 

Hang in there. Your healing process will speed up now that you've had the cold bucket of reality poured over you.

You can overcome this, You WILL overcome this. I promise you

[catfeeder]

One of the best tricks I've learned is to stop suggesting to myself that something must be difficult. For example, I might say, "Sure, I've found it difficult to let go of [him] in the past, but that's because I wasn't ready. Well, I'm ready now." And so, it becomes so.

 

We can't trick ourselves about another's choices or behaviors without running into a brick wall at some point, but we can certainly use whatever tricks, bribery, ammunition, or anything else we can think of to move ourselves forward if that's truly where we want to be.

 

Another thing that's helped is to decide what kind of payoff I've gained by keeping myself miserable. For instance, "Do I believe that letting go and allowing the hurt to lift would rob me of some possibility I'm holding onto?" Then examine that: "How has holding on moved me any closer to gaining what I wanted?"

 

When I could see that holding hope is NOT the same thing as achieving the hope, I oped to let the hope go--and if something good will ever occur in the future, it'll occur without me ruining my own happiness for it.