Getting back to where I was

[BlueMan79]

Hi guys,

 

So a few days ago I posted a thread on here, which some of you fantastic people really helped with me the problem. Basically I'd become obsessed with someone that I'd been talking with through online dating, and it was taking some getting over when it went wrong. I don't want to speak too soon, but I feel (hopefully), that I'm making slow progress on moving on from it all. It's still difficult and pretty painful but I'm hopeful that it'll ease in time.

 

Anyway, the point of this thread is this. Around November time I split up with my ex. It'd been coming for a long time, and if anything I was pretty relieved when it happened as it was a nightmare of a relationship in truth. I won't go into details over it. But anyway, I moved back home with my parents, started to enjoy life again and felt happier than I'd felt for a long time.

 

Then in around April, I kind of started to think well, I'm 27. Not really going anywhere in life. Just working, coming home, playing a few video games, watching TV and occasionally seeing friends at the weekend. So that's when I started to think that's I should really start trying to find somebody. So I tried the whole online dating thing and in the most part it's been pretty brutal. I'm determined now to have a break from it, and hopefully take back the happiness I had before I started.

 

I know that the previous life before the online dating wasn't ideal, far from it. But I was so much happier before I started all of this. I've come out of the other side as empty-handed as I was going into it, and a hell of a lot more miserable and quite possibly depressed.

 

So what do I do? How do I claim back my life? I've tried deleted the apps from my phone but I just keep going back to them. I'm checking my phone a lot during the evenings just to see if I have any messages or interest from anybody. There pretty much never is. All of the people that I spoke to in depth through OLD over the summer are gone. I really feel like this is my cue to leave it there.

 

So I could really use some advice if possible?

[Jibralta]

Sounds like you've developed a sort of conditioned response to the online dating process. I think it's quite common--more so than people like to admit.

 

I remember when I was still on facebook, seeing that little red number at the corner of the screen would make me all happy. I noticed that advertisers have started using it too, so I can't be the only one who had that response! Quitting facebook took a real force of will. Something about logging on and scrolling through all that crap was soooo satisfying and the thought of not doing it--even though it was a complete waste of time--made me uncomfortable! ALMOST like the thought of not having coffee or a cigarette (I don't smoke anymore but I remember)! So, I'd log on again just to get my fix. Totally pointless.

 

Thank GOD I never got into Instagram or any of that other crap.

 

It's a real thing. I think the only solution is to stay strong.

[SherrySher]

Another thing too, stop putting your worth and value on if you get any messages or not, it will only make you feel worse and it's not worth it.

 

Try getting out there in the real life, go to meet ups, meet friends and concentrate on life around you.