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Is there any chance that I could get with someone who claims they're not ready for a relationship?


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So , I've met this girl & we've been talking as friends for the past 3months non stop. She say she isn't ready for a relationship right now but she do wants to be in one eventually. We stay 2 hrs away from one another but she says she doesn't do long distance relationships. Which I could understand. But yet she steady calling & hitting me everyday of the hr just talking about this and that. So recently I went to visit her 2 weekends in row. During the visit we had a great time nothing but laughter which eventually led up to an intercourse & she finally came out & told me she's been liking me since her birthday which was 2wks prior. I'm the one that's ready to settle down but she isn't bc she's scared she might get hurt again. Is their any kind of way that I could possibly win her over? I'm really starting to develop true feelings for her.

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Greetings, now you see this is where it's get a tad bit complicated. Yes, there is the possibility of her being open to the idea of getting in a relationship with you. If that's what you're asking, now the issue is it could be months from now or years even. If you're willing to wait for her, then that's great. I wish the best for the both of you, however if you are not. Then I would take into account, that it may or may not happen. If that's something you're willing to wait on, then that's all right there's nothing wrong with it. I'd just take into consideration, that considering how she's been hurt before she might be more hesitant. Seeing how you both like each other, I'd say give it a shot try to work it out with her and see where it's headed, if from a few months you see that it's not working then. You know what to do, there is no point in beating a dead horse.

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Settle Down? Are you talking long term marriage being with her for years and planning to name the kids settle down?

Instead of Settle down, why don't you slow down. I understand your needs, but what about hers? You want things now and in your time but you give no consideration about her feelings or needs. You want long term, she needs security.


Instead of asking her to go out with you and pick carpet for your new house together, why don't you just take it one day at a time? She can not give you what you want right now. She is not ready for a deep commitment even tho you are. Sounds to me that you are scared that if you don't lock her down by committing, then you fear she might possibly meet someone else. (That's what I see). Now, you are 2 hrs away which is not bad. Why don't you keep things lite. She knows you like her, her affection for you is building. Keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about long term. If you pressure her before she is ready, you are not only to hurt her, but you will lose her.

Is there a chance she might meet someone? Absolutely.. that is a risk you have to take. But if she likes you and that builds then your odds get better with time. Just don't push her.

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Isnt it good for her? I mean if she really into you, she will find that you are one who patient and willing to wait for her heart to open again without being force her and nothing but just beside her when she need you.


I think thats why she seems to like you slowly.


You can win her by being patient and just do what you do now, without rushing anything. I am also a person who feels like not ready to commit again right now, but if the person is worthed and I have feeling for him, I want to start open my heart again slowly and do my best for the person that important for me.


Open up again and be ready again takes time. But it is better for both of you to start a new relationship between you both when you both are ready, than not ready. So the relationship itself wont hurt both of you.


Hope my insights help you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi nae13! I found this thread because I'm in this situation -- except I'm much more like the woman you're seeing.


I met a guy at a wedding in late May. We live 2-3 hours from each other. He is great, I like so much about him, but I am still recovering from a nasty break-up and am taking things very, very slowly. On our second visit, he told me he was developing feelings and really liking me, and it scared the out of me. I barely knew him and he comes on really, really strong! I have been very honest about my feelings and that I need time.


Well, it's about 4 months now since we met and he is tired of being in vague space with me. He really wants to be a couple and is doing so much to make that happen. I am still very confused and not sure what I'll do. The pressure makes me want to run, whereas when he lays off, I feel happy being with him. My feelings for him are growing with time. I say, please give her time and space. Do not rush her, because you cannot rush feelings and you cannot win her over, it will only come back to bite you later on.

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