Jump to content

Should I be concerned?


Poetry Guy
 Share

Recommended Posts

I recently caught my girlfriend in a pair of lies. They were lies over relatively little things (one was about smoking, the other about the amount of money she's been putting into an online game that we play), but they were still lies. I don't have a problem with her smoking, even if it's behind my back, nor do I have a problem with her regularly dropping money into a "free to play" game just to get ahead. That's her prerogative. However, I do have a problem with the fact that she lied to me about these things - and not just once, but many times. I tried to let them go, but I was pretty uncomfortable with being lied to and eventually called her out for it. She said she didn't tell me because she was embarrassed, which I suppose I do understand, but unfortunately it made me wonder what else she might be lying to me about if she could so easily and so frequently lie about two relatively inconsequential things.

 

Should I be concerned that if she repeatedly lies to my face about little things that she might also be lying about (or eventually lie about) bigger things?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She said she didn't tell me because she was embarrassed,
This tells me that she doesn't trust you or that she feels you judge her more then any loving partner should. Why are you asking about it so much that you've discovered that she's lied to you about it many times? If you have no problem with it as you have stated, then why are you snooping on her about it?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This tells me that she doesn't trust you or that she feels you judge her more then any loving partner should. Why are you asking about it so much that you've discovered that she's lied to you about it many times? If you have no problem with it as you have stated, then why are you snooping on her about it?

 

Wow are you uncalled for. You're throwing me under the bus, making judgments and generalizations about my character and the way I treat my girlfriend? Get real.

 

When you clearly hear somebody smoking when you're on the phone with them and ask a simple question about it only to have them lie to your face, that doesn't make me the bad guy. When I hear it again and jokingly say "Well what is that then?" and their response is that they don't know what I'm hearing, only for me to jokingly say "That, right there. What is that?" the next time only to have her deny it again that doesn't mean I'm snooping. Same with the other. You know nothing about me or the way I treat my girlfriend and all of the wonderful, loving things I do for her on a regular basis so don't assassinate my character and put me at fault for not liking the fact that I was lied to about two different things, several times. That's ridiculous.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you know she lied about paying for this game so many times?

She didn't admit to smoking so how do you know she's smoking. She denied blowing smoke and told you she didn't know what you were hearing.

 

She was embarrassed to tell you... why would your girlfriend be embarrassed to tell you something? How many times do you confront her about these two particular things?

 

According to the other poster you have posted about this relationship and its problems before. I'm going to read your posting history now and see what's been going on.

I'm not judging you, I don't even know you, I'm simply going by what is in your opening post. If she doesn't think she's been doing anything wrong, if no one has been chastising her for it, then there is no reason why she would be embarrassed. Common sense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe because she knows that I quit smoking and said I was done with it for good? That would be a good reason for her to not want to admit it/lie about it as well as feel some embarrassment about it. I told her that I didn't care if she did or not (because I don't), but as soon as I knew she was lying to me about it I cared about being lied to. Should I have been happy about being lied to? Cool with it? Sorry that I wasn't. She admitted to it after I told her that being lied to was bothering me. Had she just owned up to it when I asked her, it would have been a non-issue. Me inquiring further about something when I know I'm being lied to doesn't put me in the wrong or make me an untrustworthy, judgmental snoop of a boyfriend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What about paying for the game. Why would she lie to you about that?

 

No one called you uncaring or anything else you're on about. I said the fact that she would be embarrassed to tell you the truth is a tell about how she is perceiving you in that she doesn't trust you enough to tell you the truth.

 

Anyway... Yes, you should be concerned, but not because she lied but rather because you have based your affections on a fantasy and you've based your discontentment of a her when she is only a fantasy of who you've built up in your head. You don't even really know her. Can I ask why you haven't met her yet, why you continue on with someone that hedges on meeting you and who is lying to you and who appears to not trust you enough to place the truth of what she's been doing in your hands?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've never met or face timed her? She makes excuses not to meet and lies about other things.

 

Should I be concerned that if she repeatedly lies to my face about little things that she might also be lying about (or eventually lie about) bigger things?

 

You should be concerned that she is actively misrepresenting herself. You are falling for a fake persona. Not a real one.

People like her have enough issues and secrets and they know they are not datable. That's why they get their needs met electronically.

 

Just curious as to how one finds out about someone's personal habits when they aren't even in the same zipcode?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've never met or face timed her? She makes excuses not to meet and lies about other things.

 

Should I be concerned that if she repeatedly lies to my face about little things that she might also be lying about (or eventually lie about) bigger things?

 

You should be concerned that she is actively misrepresenting herself. You are falling for a fake persona. Not a real one.

People like her have enough issues and secrets and they know they are not datable. That's why they get their needs met electronically.

 

Just curious as to how one finds out about someone's personal habits when they aren't even in the same zipcode?

 

It's called spending 5 or more hours talking to each other every single night as well as playing the aforementioned game together. As a former smoker, it's not exactly difficult to hear when someone is lighting up and smoking on the other end. I found that out by having ears. I found out about the spending in the game because it's something we play together every day. There is really nothing sinister going on here as far as me learning about these things from someone that I spend a ton of time with every day. Ears and eyes.

 

I know what she looks like, we've exchanged addresses for gifts and such, and for the most part it's just as "real" as any other relationship, minus the fact that we are not physically together. We enjoy each other's company and have shared as many tender and intimate moments as two people in a LDR could. I do have my doubts about things though because I have never done this kind of thing before. For the most part, she doesn't give me any reason to doubt anything about her, but there have been a few things and I've come here with them because of my utter lack of experience with LDRs and the mild, but existent, trust issues that I have as a result of being in a relationship with somebody who lives so far away.

 

I'm regretting asking for advice here though based on a few of the comments, just to be honest. Sorry if that offends anybody. I feel offended by some of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you face timed/skyped this girl or is it all one dimensional photos and text head phone chat?

 

You don't know this girl other then what she's told you. When there are zero actions to back up those words as being truth, then they are just words. You don't know her smell, you don't know her idiocycrancies, you don't know her true personality, you don't know her friends, or her family, you don't know how she treats wait staff or other people in general, you don't know if you match sexually or generally until you actually spend one-on-one time observing her and seeing if you gel.

 

I know you don't care what strangers on the internet think or say but I fear for you in the fact that you are investing countless hours on a game with one another but you don't even know each other from Adam in a true sense.

 

I hope you don't get shredded. I also hope you are seeing others but I'm not sure how you could be when you're stuck on a game or attached to head phones for the majority of your life.

 

Anyway, good luck. I hope it works out for you and you haven't been wasting good dating time that could be used to actually meet people near you, on a goose chase.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm regretting asking for advice here though based on a few of the comments, just to be honest. Sorry if that offends anybody. I feel offended by some of them.

 

I guess I don't understand then. What are you looking for?

Your post asks "should I be concerned?" The responses you are getting are unanimous.

Responders are asking valid questions about this relationship so they have all the information because it's not a typical romantic relationship - but it is to you.

Your previous posts about this girl, you have similar concerns as well. This isn't new.

But I guess we aren't telling you what you want to hear?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess I don't understand then. What are you looking for?

Your post asks "should I be concerned?" The responses you are getting are unanimous.

Responders are asking valid questions about this relationship so they have all the information because it's not a typical romantic relationship - but it is to you.

Your previous posts about this girl, you have similar concerns as well. This isn't new.

But I guess we aren't telling you what you want to hear?

 

It has nothing to do with you people not telling me what I want to hear. Learn to read and follow context cues. It's about the accusational implications and lack of tact in a couple of things that have been said and asked. Things that almost directly insult my character or that imply I'm doing something underhanded to learn this information. Those are the things I take issue with, not the advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It has nothing to do with you people not telling me what I want to hear. Learn to read and follow context cues. It's about the accusational implications and lack of tact in a couple of things that have been said and asked. Things that almost directly insult my character or that imply I'm doing something underhanded to learn this information. Those are the things I take issue with, not the advice.

You see how easy it is to misunderstand people when you don't really know them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The way you question her about smoking was sort of condescending and like you are her parent. I don't think its the best way to bring up something with a person by teasing them about what they are doing, like in a guilt-tripping kind of way. It's like a little kid lying to a nosy, controlling annoying parent.

 

Why do you think you even have a right to ask what someone you've never met is doing?

 

I have been in an online relationship for like one year before meeting, we skyped a bunch of times but there's STILL something you can't grasp, see or even feel when you're in person right next to the person. You can't sense their energy. So stop thinking it's exactly the same as real relationships.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...