He gave me an STI and left me?

[lovekind]

Quite a read!

 

He was from a different state but in the process of moving to my state when we met. He would come down every weekend and we would go to lunch or dinner or even a road trip and spend the whole day. I was initially extremely attracted to just his looks but then we started talking and became even more attracted. We had SO MUCH in common! Even down to our mothers doing weird at Christmas to make us believe Santa is real.

 

Also he didn't have social media at all (like me) and when we were together would NEVER be on his phone. Extremely respectful qualities in this day and age.

 

Here is where it gets interesting:

 

We saw eachother almost every weekend and he would give undivided attention to me when I spoke. Never disinterested. When I dropped him off after a date he never ever tried to kiss me or be sexual at all.. He was touchy and feely when we were in the car/in public (holding my hand, resting his hand on my knee, arm in arm when it was cold) but that's it! Anyways i was going over seas for a couple of weeks and the night before my flight we went to dinner and ended up back at his place. We ended up having sex and I did get that first kiss. It was a really nice night. I stayed over and in the morning he was very lovey dovey. He told me to message him but I was busy getting myself ready to take off ....he double texted me before i got on the plane telling me he was thinking about me. P.s he's not much of a texter at all.

 

While I was overseas the communication was good. Calling and texting. He was always writing long messages and pretty enthusiastic. I started to get very strange symptoms with my body. Was pissing blood, hurt to pass urine.....typical symptoms of a UTI ....i thought it was because we had sex and didn't shower after and that it would pass as soon as I got antibiotics. It didn't. It got worse.

 

I got back home. And things went completely sour out of nowhere. He messaged me saying he wanted to go to dinner the day after I landed and I was really excited. I messaged him in the morning and did not receive a reply until 9pm that same day. He said he was "asleep and bed ridden all day and was flying back to his hometown first thing in the morning tomorrow" I was really shocked and couldn't understand how he could bail so easily. He also said he would be back on Sunday. So I waited till Sunday. He ended up calling me and sounded really happy and excited to be talking to me. He said "let's do dinner tomorrow night" I was happy and excited again. So tomorrow comes around. I message him in the morning to ask what time/where we are having dinner. No reply. I did my makeup/hair etc and messaged him again at around 5.30pm. No reply. He finally texted me back an hour later telling me something came up and he couldn't make dinner and that he would tell me about it "tomorrow or some time during the week". I was so ing sad and angry......this guy had literally bailed on me two times within 5 days....

 

He never messaged me. Also, in between this period, I visited the doctor and got a series of tests done because of what was going on with my body. A week had passed and I decided to message him again and ask to catch up. Never replied. The following day I went into the doctor and was shocked to find out I was carrying an STI. I asked so many questions and asked how and what causes it. SEX being the only way it is passed. Before this guy my last partner was a boyfriend and I had not had sex in 2 months. I had also been checked before I slept with this man and came back clear for everything. So it was definitely him who gave it to me.

 

As soon as I left the doctors office I called him. No answer. I wrote him a message saying to call me immediately. No ing reply. I'm sitting here now wondering what I should do? To be given an STI and this person will not return any of my messages or calls?? HELP PLEASE.

[boltnrun]

I have to presume you didn't ask him to wear a condom. Why was that?

 

Now, it absolutely isn't your "fault" he infected you, but this is a prime reason why you should always ask the man to use condoms unless and until testing is done and you are sure you both are clear.

 

My guess is, he had a flare up of the infection and figured out that he may have passed it along to you. This would explain why he doesn't want to see or talk to you; you'll ask tough questions (rightfully so) and he doesn't want to deal with it. I mean, maybe he hadn't had a flare up in a while and "hoped" he wouldn't, but you can't play that kind of Russian roulette with someone else's health.

 

You didn't say if this infection can be cleared up. I hope for your sake it can.

 

I recommend no more messages. He knows what he did. He's not going to admit it or apologize. But now you know the kind of man he is; a man who will willingly put someone at risk without any regard for their health or feelings. Pursuing anything further with a man with this low moral character would be pointless, because you already know the kind of man he is.

 

It's a shame, really. All it would have taken is a condom and/or a conversation so you could make an informed choice.

[KantSleep]

I feel bad for you. This guy is a creep. Like the other poster stated, I hope this is curable, or not herpes or some lifetime condition. I would lose him. Lesson learned.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry this happened, but you're both equally responsible for the use of BC. It is what it is,and what's done is done, yet the lesson here is you simply can't play a game of Russian Roulette when it comes to your health.

 

In any event, I hope you can overcome this with no lasting effects, and at the same time move forward. He's history...

[lovekind]

I have to presume you didn't ask him to wear a condom. Why was that?

 

Now, it absolutely isn't your "fault" he infected you, but this is a prime reason why you should always ask the man to use condoms unless and until testing is done and you are sure you both are clear.

 

My guess is, he had a flare up of the infection and figured out that he may have passed it along to you. This would explain why he doesn't want to see or talk to you; you'll ask tough questions (rightfully so) and he doesn't want to deal with it. I mean, maybe he hadn't had a flare up in a while and "hoped" he wouldn't, but you can't play that kind of Russian roulette with someone else's health.

 

You didn't say if this infection can be cleared up. I hope for your sake it can.

 

I recommend no more messages. He knows what he did. He's not going to admit it or apologize. But now you know the kind of man he is; a man who will willingly put someone at risk without any regard for their health or feelings. Pursuing anything further with a man with this low moral character would be pointless, because you already know the kind of man he is.

 

It's a shame, really. All it would have taken is a condom and/or a conversation so you could make an informed choice.

 

 

 

Thanks for this. I completely agree with your words and it has really opened my eyes up and made me realise we're not invincible to disease and it is actually a reality. You deny the fact until it happens to you.

[figureitout23]

I wonder if he didnt know he had it, also got symptoms and now thinks you gave it to him. I only ask that because he seemed perfectly ok for a while after you slept together unprotected, if he knew he had it from the get go he would have ghosted you right after sleeping with you.

 

Whatever the reason, this is definitely a tough lesson you had to learn about sexual health and protection. Sorry. Please be careful not to spread it to others.

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry, but this guy is an szzhole and only wanted sex. Do not text him again and block him.

 

Why aren't you using. condoms?? He could have given you something deadly!

[lovekind]

I wonder if he didnt know he had it, also got symptoms and now thinks you gave it to him. I only ask that because he seemed perfectly ok for a while after you slept together unprotected, if he knew he had it from the get go he would have ghosted you right after sleeping with you.

 

Whatever the reason, this is definitely a tough lesson you had to learn about sexual health and protection. Sorry. Please be careful not to spread it to others.

 

So this is a HUGE thing I also thought of....maybe he thought I gave it to him? This could still possibly be the reason he isn't talking to me? Out of "disgust" but surely he would have know he was screwing around with someone that had it before me?

[figureitout23]

So this is a HUGE thing I also thought of....maybe he thought I gave it to him? This could still possibly be the reason he isn't talking to me? Out of "disgust" but surely he would have know he was screwing around with someone that had it before me?

 

I mean, honestly, the only way to know for sure is to ask him and since he has cut off all contact you'll probably never know.

 

That's not a bad thing though. You and this guy both were ok with having unprotected sex after knowing one another very briefly, and unfortunately, the worst case scenario happened. This isn't going to have a fairy tale ending.

[kaboom1218]

As has already been mentioned, in 2017 OP, you can't take chances having unprotected sex with ANYONE until tested. Even knowing them longer or being in a relationship those assumptions can't be made. But sounds like you learned your lesson and what you have is curable from the symptoms you mentioned. I'm not sure if you want to share with us whether it is or isn't something curable.

 

If you either want closure, to vent, inform him of the situation or all of the above, I'd tell him via text or voice message. We don't know why he ghosted, but at least you'll have peace of mind that he knows what happened and that you contracted it from HIM. He should then get tested and let other partners know if he has the balls to even do that. Although this isn't ideal, he really hasn't given you a choice since he's gone MIA and you can't talk to him about it directly.

[lovekind]

As has already been mentioned, in 2017 OP, you can't take chances having unprotected sex with ANYONE until tested. Even knowing them longer or being in a relationship those assumptions can't be made. But sounds like you learned your lesson and what you have is curable from the symptoms you mentioned. I'm not sure if you want to share with us whether it is or isn't something curable.

 

If you either want closure, to vent, inform him of the situation or all of the above, I'd tell him via text or voice message. We don't know why he ghosted, but at least you'll have peace of mind that he knows what happened and that you contracted it from HIM. He should then get tested and let other partners know if he has the balls to even do that. Although this isn't ideal, he really hasn't given you a choice since he's gone MIA and you can't talk to him about it directly.

 

So UPDATE: I messaged him yesterday night again. This time I told him that he gave me the sti and asked why he could abandon me the way he did......no reply all day today. So it looks like he knew he had it and took a chance with me. Didn't really care about my health and probably thought "she either gets it or she doesnt". You all don't understand what a blow this has been to me emotionally. I cannot understand how someone could do this after all that time spent together bonding and not doing anything sexual? Where does this ing get off? I'm so dissapointed.

[IAmFCA]

there may be legal recourse. I don't know, and it likely isn't worth it, or wouldn't be worth it to me.

[figureitout23]

So UPDATE: I messaged him yesterday night again. This time I told him that he gave me the sti and asked why he could abandon me the way he did......no reply all day today. So it looks like he knew he had it and took a chance with me. Didn't really care about my health and probably thought "she either gets it or she doesnt". You all don't understand what a blow this has been to me emotionally. I cannot understand how someone could do this after all that time spent together bonding and not doing anything sexual? Where does this ing get off? I'm so dissapointed.

 

A bigger question for me is why are you trying to have a heart to heart with a guy who gave you an STI? Asking how he could 'abandon' you? You seem more concerned about that than the fact that he gave you something.

 

You still don't know what's going on in his head. Using his silence to decipher what he did isn't going to be helpful because you truly don't know.

 

Just focus on the fact that because of both of your actions you now have this and try to move forward. I know it hurts, ghosting can hurt like a mofo alone, add to it an infection? An infection giving ghoster...MAN... I might need a straight jacket. So I hear you, but again, he gave you an STD! Whether he knows he did or not, you know! That's all that matters.

 

Please use this as a lesson. Spend some time here. The volume of women who pass through posting because they slept with a man too soon, got a false attachment and he bolted, is amazing. I'd say 1 a day some weeks. Sometimes men too. Not everyone is cut out for casual sex, especially not unprotected! What if you got pregnant and he bolted? If this isn't curable, you are now forced to be more cautious about your sexual partners because you are going to have to share with them your health issues and allow them to decide whether they want to proceed. If it is curable it's still a lesson. You aren't cut out for casual sex so stop doing it. No one is invincible, wrap it up.

[kaboom1218]

OP, I suggested you inform him about the situation more for your peace of mind than for his benefit so that you know for certain that he is fully aware of the situation. And as we see he is a cowardly, reckless punk. He definitely deserves a tongue lashing and smack upside the head for how he's reacted! I know it's a major blow to be ghosted and then on top of it by someone who gave you an STI!

 

Try not to beat yourself up too much in lieu of some of the "tough love" you've received on this thread. We've all made sexual mistakes and may just have had luck on our sides and shouldn't be so quick to criticize. You do have to accept your part in the matter, but just need to learn from this very critical mistake and vow that you will never put yourself in this situation again. Always use protection! Good luck in your future dating and this will probably force you to be more cautious when getting to know guys, which is a good thing.

[lovekind]

OP, I suggested you inform him about the situation more for your peace of mind than for his benefit so that you know for certain that he is fully aware of the situation. And as we see he is a cowardly, reckless punk. He definitely deserves a tongue lashing and smack upside the head for how he's reacted! I know it's a major blow to be ghosted and then on top of it by someone who gave you an STI!

 

Try not to beat yourself up too much in lieu of some of the "tough love" you've received on this thread. We've all made sexual mistakes and may just have had luck on our sides and shouldn't be so quick to criticize. You do have to accept your part in the matter, but just need to learn from this very critical mistake and vow that you will never put yourself in this situation again. Always use protection! Good luck in your future dating and this will probably force you to be more cautious when getting to know guys, which is a good thing.

 

Thank you so much for your words. I directly messaged him and told him about the situation and that he gave me an sti and he hasn't made contact. For sure have learned from this, it was really beneficial to receive the viewpoints of everyone on this thread also. Thanks for being open minded about it all and not criticizing me negatively!