lookingforadvi Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 Hi All, It's been quite a while since my last post venting about my issues but I'm quickly getting close to a crossroads with my marriage. We have been married for about 6 years now, together for 10. Not going to lie it's been a fairly bumpy road for the entire time we have been together. My wife has suffered from some form of mental health issue pretty much the entire time we have been together. In the beginning it was severe anxiety and anger issues, and now it's depression along with anger issues that are pretty much 100% directed at me. We have 2 young children (1.5, 2.5) and she is a stay at home mom for both of them. This was completely her decision (however in the back of my mind I have always suspected that she just doesn't want to work), and she's miserable. I mean miserable is not even the right word to describe it. I do everything I possibly can to help her with the kids and around the house. I get the kids up and dressed with breakfast on the table before she even gets out of bed EVERY DAY before I go to work. On paper we have a great life - beautiful house in an excellent community, boat, travel trailer, happy healthy children, no money issues, etc, however in reality I dread every single minute that I have to even see her. I can't even take an hour to cut the grass without her scowling at me through the door yelling that I am taking too long. I feel incredibly blessed that I am able to provide things for our family that were not even close to possible in either of our childhoods but shortchanged that my wife treats me like a piece of crap and blames all of her problems 100% on me. I honestly believe that a lot of the glue that held us together previously was our sex life. Well now our sex life is completely shot. She developed a medical issue with the second pregnancy that prevented us from having sex about half way through the pregnancy. I get it - and I was as supportive as I possibly could have been throughout the remainder of the pregnancy (and she was not at all understanding about my needs - I never asked for anything and maybe once or twice was offered some relief). Fast forward a year and a half after the birth and we are still like roommates. Our kids sleep great (in bed and solidly asleep by 7) - there should not be any reason that we can't get back into the swing of things. I'm literally down to sex twice a month, which has to be in our bed directly following a shower, with a condom on, and she pretty much just lays there so I can get done with it. I have tried many times to initiate physical contact, foreplay, etc and she's not at all responsive. I have brought the subject up gingerly a few times now and nothing has changed. It's to the point where I'm getting passive aggressive about it (I know not helpful) but between the way she treats me in general and the fact that I'm not at all sexually satisfied I just really don't have much of a string for her anymore. We have a king size bed and literally sleep on opposite sides of it not even touching each other. She went out of her way to delay starting birth control for months (accidentally "forgetting" to start the pills), and in reality I think it's because she does not want to have sex with me without a condom on for some reason that I can't even begin to figure out. I have not cheated on her and she should not have any reason to think differently. She's admitted that she's depressed and has started some medication (about 2 months ago) to help, but the problem for me is that the damage is already done and I'm just worn out by it and her. Honestly I feel like going back to work (she's a nurse) 1-2 days a week would help out her mental state a great deal. We have talked about this and she agrees, but then there are 15 different roadblocks on why she cant. Who's going to watch the kids, etc. These are all things that can be figure out AFTER she looks for and actually finds a job. I said in no uncertain terms that I am not paying for daycare if you are not working... I'm rambling on and on here but I'm just not at all satisfied with the life at home and I just don't know what to do. Our life will be completely wrecked if we divorce, but neither of us can stand each other at the moment. I'll severely take it in the shorts financially and neither of us will be able to keep the house we have now it's just not feasible. Part of me just wants to find someone to have an affair with because I have just had enough. Link to comment
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