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Am I overreacting or is this over?


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My guy of 4 months went on vacation for 3 weeks this month. Before that, we were both traveling a lot at different times, so for a few weeks we had only a week in between his trip to mine and another week between mine to his.

He was gone for 3 weeks and in those 3 weeks, I spoke to him on the phone once and FaceTimed once. His texting game was very wishy washy, which is very unusual for us.

Before he left, we were perfect, I thought. We went out 3-4 times per week, he always texted me every day, and always responded to me. Of course I thought his communication, when we weren't together, was lacking but I looked past it because he treated me so well and our conversations were amazing when we were together, which again, was very often.

After he left, he wouldn't text me at all, and if I texted him, he would respond hours and hours later with some closed off random comment, no trying to continue convo or anything.

I got fed up with it after 2 weeks and I said something to him. I told him what I needed from him in terms of communication. It would be different if this was a one week vacation and he wasn't speaking to me as much like usual, but not only was he gone for 3 weeks, he also didn't even know when he was coming back home so it felt even worse him not wanting to keep in touch with me.

When I told him what I needed, I specifically gave him an out of the relationship. I told him very plainly that if speaking to me felt like a burden, to tell me no because I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to talk to me.

Not only did he not take the out, he FaceTimed me the next day. For a week after that, he still didn't text me first, but I was trying to be understanding of his vacation needs, and if he needed to be more in the moment and not be as communicative while he was away, then I would respect that. But I felt some sort of change because when I would text him (not

Often because, again, trying to compromise) he would answer immediately and I definitely felt a small change for the better, but still a change.

I hadn't spoken to him in 4 days after he told me he was flying back home after the weekend. I thought, giving the benefit of the doubt, that once he was home things would slowly get back to normal because we would both be in the same city and he showed some desire to still want to be with me.

I found out today that he's been back for at least a day and he hasn't reached out to me.

I'm so unbelievably confused why he wouldn't let me end things with him 2 weeks ago if he has lost interest in being with me. Not only that but why make any sort effort if he didn't? Why is he ghosting me after 4 months of being together AND I LITERALLY GAVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO END THINGS?? Im hurt and confused and upset he would act this way with such little respect held for me he couldn't even be up front and honest

I guess my question is, does anyone have any insight? Should I tell him it's over or just leave it and assume it's over or what?

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People, especially when they are young don't like to do the hard thing. The hard thing is often the right thing. It was easier in moment to just pacify you and go about his vacation without having to worry about a break up. Now that he's home, he's taking the cowards way out.


In the future, don't ask someone who's behaving badly or treating you poorly to then do the right thing and break up with you.


After asking for what you need, assess the situation and make that call in your own best interest.


I could be wrong. I wouldn't contact him. He might come crawling around when he has the nerve to confront you about his behavior.

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Wow! You are INCREDIBLY DEMANDING! He sees you 3-4 times a week, but if he doesn't text you immediately after he leaves you, if it takes him a few hours maybe to go home and shower or straighten up his place, or go to the grocery store, or fill up his car, or something else he has to do, you're getting pissed off. You complain he's not speaking to you enough when you are together. What is there to say when you're together so often and sharing so much time together? And then he's on vacation having fun and he's not texting you back enough. And he's back from vacation for an entire day and he's not calling you! (Sometimes I'm wiped out after a trip and I have to put everything away and get food, etc.) And then you're giving him the opportunity to break it off with you. Whew! I can tell you that this is more than I possibly could handle. I'd be saying good-bye after the first week. (And I'm a nice guy.) Your boyfriend sounds like a saint that he's been able to put up with all this. With your next relationship, try to calm things down with your demands.

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I'm actually incredibly NOT demanding and very laid back. When someone is away for an entire month, the least they can do to keep a relationship alive and sustained is to communicate, I had no problem when he was here, it was when he was away. In case you were wondering, it's been 4 days and I still haven't heard from him. Is he still grocery shopping or showering? Didn't think so.

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So, you weren't happy with how he was communicating with you and told him what you needed (for him to kick it up).


Question: why would you even want him to text you more, and/or better (more engaging) if the ONLY reason he is doing so is because you were forced to 'ask' him to?


What's the point of that?


I certainly would 'not' want a man to text me more because I was forced to ask him to .... because it's what "I" needed.


I want him texting me because HE wants to, on his own, from his heart. Otherwise his texting me more means NOTHING. Other than some sort of 'obligation' he now feels which NEVER feels good. No wonder he is pulling back even more now.


You also said, when you confronted him about the texting, you gave him an "out" and he wouldn't 'let' you leave.


What's that about, he wouldn't "let" you leave?


Why do you need HIS permission to leave?


If you are not happy with, or able to accept, his texting style or how he is treating you, then YOU make the decision to leave.


You don't need his permission.


Bottom line is you need what you need, there is no wrong or right.


If you're not getting what you need from this guy or any guy, you leave and find a man who can meet your needs and vice versa.

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