Still missing her

[Missing them]

So I previously wrote a thread but it seemed to have disappeared. If not apologies for writing about this twice. This is going to be long so please bear with me. I have been broken up for two years now with my ex girlfriend. This was not her first time breaking up with me, she left two other times, one time for a week, the other two weeks but she always came back. This third breakup, two years ago, she left for good. We have not been in contact for over a year.

 

Some context before I begin. We met at work, both of us were dating other people, she was with a guy for almost 2.5 years and I was with my high school sweetheart of 11 years. We both had strong feeling for each other and she ended up telling me first that she liked me. We both ended it with our current relationships and stared dating each other. We moved in fast together. I was the first boyfriend she ever lived with. When we started dating she was in her late 20 and me in my early 30's. Our relationship went very fast, we met each other friends, families and even out families met each other. We had an intense relationship.

 

The problems started when I would get jealous of her sexual past and her flirty way with men. She is a very attractive woman and had lots of male attention. We would have fights about this and she would go out with her friends and speak badly about me to them(she told me this happend). They obviously started to not like me. Every time I was around I felt awkward, judged and not welcome to their group. I eventually told her I did not want to see her friends anymore and that she had to try and fix these damaged relationships between them and myself. She said I was the problem and I had to fix it. They never got fixed and even got worse.

 

When she dumped me again:

I did the classic begging and pleading and writing her letters and looking her up on Facebook when she dumped me for the final time. She refused to come back. I wrote her friends in the heat of the moment a very mean email stating what bad friends they were and what a bad person she is. It was very immature and obviously drove her away even further.she asked me to stop contacting her and I did. We deleted each other off all social media and temporary block on texts as well. I have never heard from her again. This was a year and a half since we spoke.

 

The last time I saw her was a year and a half ago. I was walking down the street and she was driving stuck in traffic I waved to her and she waved back, I approached the window to say hi. She did not roll it down and drove away. That hurt. We now work close to each other, just down the block and I am scared to leave my house because I don't want to run into her (alone of with another guy). I still have so many feeling for her and she let me go and never looked back. I just want to hear from her. I know I am lucky in a sense that she moved on and never looked back but my ego is severely damaged by this. I truly loved her and thought we could make it through these issues.

 

I am still going to therapy for this have dated lots of other women slept with other woman etc but no one is her. She is very stubborn and will most lily never contact me again. This is breaking me. I put everything I had into this relationship and yes also made many mistakes.

 

I have constant dreams about her, most of which she is marrying someone else or ignoring me. I want to know if she thinks about me? I want to know if she would ever give us another shot? I want to know she is happy? I want to hear from her somehow? It's been so long now I doubt I will. I just can't seem to move on. Time has made it better but has not healed it. We dated for two years and have been broken up for the same amount of time. When we were good together we were very good and the same goes for when we were bad. Looking back I was blind to the fact she was slowly removing herself from the relationship which is why it was easier for her to leave and never look back, she had done most of the healing while we were together.

 

For those of you in my situation after a long time of not hearing from them did they ever come back? Reach out again? How did you move on? I have tried everything and can't get past this. I have read on the forms lots and other forms. It has taken me two years thibking before I did my first post which is this one. Any help similar stories words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks everyone! Signing off for now