What should I do? What would u do?

[Trustissues91]

So I've been in my relationship for 8 years, we met in college, math class, we sort of just went from there great connection I love him and am in love with him. But weeks ago I have something in his phone that I always feared but never thought was true. We had already had a problem with this person way before hand, I just didnt what to believe it, with the married woman. What I found that he had been letting her send nude shots of herself and flirting back and forth with her as if it was okay and that made me feel like well maybe I'm not enough, maybe I'm not worthy like she is, that obviously she has more to offer than I do. And so with it lately I've graduated from college i have all my goals set and one of them is marriage. Tho back to the scenario in the mist of that scenario happening I met someone a new guy, kind of unexpected, it happened wen I wrote and expressed a Facebook stat and he saw it and decided to inbox me about it and at first I wasn't trying to talk to him about it but he finally got it out of me, friends is what we were trying to aim for but the chemistry started to become really big there and the fact that we have so much in common, it's insane, we have only known each other 4 a month and with we have met, and that made it even worse the chemistry I should say rather. But back to bfs scenario I so I brought it to his attention basically asking and telling him would he ever stop talking to her and he told me no and then that right there it like really opened up my eyes to who he trully was and when I menchained the word break up he just flipped and cried because he knows that he lost a good woman, and so when that happened I met the new guy, we didn't do anything we just talked but he really likes me and like him but I do not love him I still love my ex. But I don't trust my ex 100 I only trust him 50 percent. But he really wants to try to win me back while the other guy really wants to show me something different. I wanna try to work things out with my ex/bf but that if it doesn't do u guys think I should take some time to myself and and then maybe give the new guy a real shot? Or still wait it out for love?

[loip9114]

You're ex has definitely overstepped a couple of boundaries. You called him out for something and he blatantly said he wouldn't stop doing it. To me personally, that would be the end of it. No second chance. Unless you have an open relationship where this was discussed as being fine then no problem. But I believe as you called him out for it, it is not ok. So after being called out for it, he only had one true option and that was to stop. All others are in my eyes dealbreakers.

 

I do not know how long ago the breakup is, you might want to take it slow with the new guy. If the breakup is fresh, remember that you are in a fragile state. Your emotions are not fully healed from the blow of the breakup, and you need to heal those to know if this new guy is worth pursuing.

 

So yeah, that's what I would do. I would not wait for this ex, and I would take it slow with the new guy and make sure my emotions are balanced again before deciding to stick with him or not.

Your ex wanted his cake and eat it too, he over-reached and done goofed tbh. He must now life with that decision. Harsh as it sounds. Sorry.

[Hollyj]

This has noting to do with you, but your bf's complete lack of character.

 

He is a lying cheater, and not someone who can be trusted. He told you that he will not give her up, this shows you where he places your relationship. Dump him!

 

As for the other guy, let this go. You have been in a long term relationship, and need to process the split. Don't jump, from guy to guy. You will not learn anything and it is not healthy.

 

Be single and enjoy your life. A man does not always have to be a part of it.

 

Dump your bf. he will do it again!

[boltnrun]

The connection couldn't have been that great if you were going through his phone.

 

Be glad you found out before the wedding and not after.

 

You've been in a relationship for 8 years. Maybe take some time to be single to find out what it's like before jumping right into a new relationship.

[nutbrownhare]

You are still pretty young, have only just graduated and eight years is a long time to be with the same person. During that time you will both have changed and will no longer be the same people you were when you met. It's not surprising that you're both looking at other people, which can be an important part of finding out who YOU are. In a way, there are two separate issues here.

 

Regarding your boyfriend... he has a long-standing, inappropriate flirtation with a married woman which he has stated categorically he is not going to end. So you CAN trust him. You can trust him to continue this behaviour with absolutely no regard for your feelings, and it's not going to end any time soon. If you're OK with contemplating a marriage where there are three of you, go right on ahead. As for her being more worthy than you... she's a married woman who sends nude pics to a boy who's already in a relationship. Class act. Sounds like a keeper!

 

He will probably go all-out to get you back if you leave him, because after eight years of someone who stayed with him whilst another woman was messaging him with nude pics, he won't want to upset the arrangement. But please don't kid yourself that this is out of love for you. Love doesn't involve this kind of flirtation with a third party. Nor does it involve being completely insensitive to your partner's feelings. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him that if he wants to continue the connection with the other woman, then that really is his business. But he has no business doing it on your time. Then I'd say goodbye, and WALK. While you stay with him, you are ensuring that you have no possibility of starting a relationship with someone who will be faithful to you, and respect you.

 

Which brings me on to the other guy... you've only known him for a month, and you're still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. You're still overwhelmed with romantic feelings and everything about him seems wonderful. It takes a little while for the rosy-tinted spectacles to fall off, and then you're in a position to see whether you're really compatible or not. The fact is that you haven't known him for long enough to tell. You may find that when the hormone-fuelled ecstasy wears off, you'll be content with being friends - or you may find it's the start of something new. Just stay very, very honest and if you're not ready for another relationship, say so.

 

Whatever - don't try to work things out with your current boyfriend. He isn't worth it.

[DancingFool]

Cheaters always beg and plead to be taken back once caught. However, you'd be a fool to take him back. He showed you who he is and you are correct, his callous response was an eye opener. Stick with your clarity of vision and don't let his crocodile tears cloud that. In fact, do yourself a favor, separate out all your affairs, things, whatever you have left between you and then block him for good. Get yourself some peace of mind and perspective away from his bs.

 

As for the new guy, well....too early to tell anything. You need to figure if you are ready for anything or not. If not, don't string him along. Get clear of your ex's bs before you make any decisions about the new guy. In other words, take it easy with him and don't leap into anything one way or the other.