Pushed me away for good and stressed out?

[WillowWandered]

Hello everyone,

My ex (29) and I(26) broke up with me suddenly first via phone, stating that he "wants to go separate ways" so I calmly agreed and asked if I could get my stuff back to which he replied "not tonight, how about Sunday?" We have been in a relationship for over 2 years, and I recently had cancer which I recovered from (he insisted on taking me to all of my appointments etc, but I noticed right before the break up he was becoming distant and increasingly irritated). He normally doesn't get into relationships because he has communication problems, but we were trying to work on them. He also started a new job where he was also really stressed out, and when I was in the hospital he was sitting there doing work a lot. When I met him in person that Sunday, he said he was "depressed, wasn't talking to anyone, stressed out and didn't prioritize a relationship and he didn't make me happy" . He looked like he was on the verge of tears. I know he struggles with depression and letting people on, but I didn't know what to say or do. He said this is something he has to do alone. He only gave me back some of my things and said that he probably has more of my stuff then hugged me for a long time and tried to kiss me multiple times. He was also wearing an item I had given him, but didn't give that back to me. I randomly ran into his friends a week after who didn't even know he broke it off and hadn't heard from him. The break up was a couple of weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. I just don't understand why he is pushing me away, only to kiss and hold me? I've never had a break up like this, can anyone reveal any insight or relate? Is he gone for good? I didn't beg, and I just walked away to give him space. Thank you.

[DanZee]

Well, it sounds like something someone who is depressed would do. I can tell you that when I was in college I got terribly depressed and my girlfriend thought I was getting ready to break up with her so she broke up with me first. My depression kept me from saying anything about being depressed, but she had been hinting at a breakup anyways, so that just helped her pull the trigger.

 

So I would say that quite possibly he is depressed, perhaps even bipolar. I would call him to see if I could get my stuff back, ask how he was, and see if there's anything you can do for him. For me it took two years to clear up my depression, and that was the last bout of it I had, but by that time, I was out of college and she was with another guy who I was a friend with, so that was that. It could take him a long time to snap out of it, or he might need medication and counseling to get out of it. But you might have a chance to get back together if he snaps out of it sooner than later.

[WillowWandered]

Thank you so much, DanZee! I just wonder if I should back off for a while since he said he "needs to do this alone". I know he loves me, but he seems so stressed out with his job and my sickness that I feel it is best to maybe back off for a while until he sorts himself out. Does that seem like a good idea?

[WillowWandered]

Also if she had been single, would you have thought about trying with her again? Not that I'm putting my life on hold, just a general curiosity.

[DanZee]

I think you should give up on him. There's also a chance he's just BS-ing you too because he just didn't know how to break up with him.

[thorough]

I think you should give up on him. There's also a chance he's just BS-ing you too because he just didn't know how to break up with him.

 

I'm thinking that as well. I have been there w/quite a few guys where they will pull anything out of the bag (life, anxiety etc), just to leave. Even if he is telling the truth (after my experiences I really have doubts), you deserve better. Even if you do stay together, that'll just be an emotional roller coaster esp if he isn't getting help for his depression. If you keep in contact, he will end up hurting you again and again. One day everything will b good and the next he will be pushing you away.