Few questions about breadcrumbs.

[mrsolodolo]

Hi,

 

So, the woman who broke up with me keeps sending me the odd breadcrumb message (its almost a month since we have split, together almost 2 years). I've got a few questions about it so instead of asking her I thought I'd ask you guys and gals.

 

1) In most of her messages, she keeps reaffirming just how much she "Used to love" me. Why is she doing this? She's clearly stated that the love faded, so why does she feel the need to tell me how much she used to love me.

 

2) In her latest message, she told me she keeps pictures of me on her phone to remind herself of the "Goodness" of me. What is she trying to tell me? ( Replied to this message with a simple "my fave's", and shared 3 photos)

 

3) I told her I needed at least a month apart with no contact, she broke this with her recent message and sharing the pictures of us

 

4) I feel she is trying to keep me close as a backup and is worried that I'll move on, hence the contact even though I asked for space, based on the above do you agree?

 

Thanks for your help.

[Keyman]

She is in another country with likely few friends, and dealing with the breakup. I am not sure if she is stringing you along as such, but with her plenty of time to herself it is making her think about the breakup and the connection with you.

 

This is not healthy for either of you as it is stalling both of you healing. You need to tell her that you are either together or apart, there is no room for being in limbo. If you are together, then be together, talk about LDR and get on with it. If you are apart, then you should both cut ties. Both go NC for as long as it takes to seperate the feelings and get over each other. This does not mean that one day you won't get back together, but for now, you need to deal with the healing and moving on.

 

As for Limbo, if you leave yourself in this space, you will just be dragging out the process and making it harder. Don't hold on in case it might happen.

[mrsolodolo]

She is in another country with likely few friends, and dealing with the breakup. I am not sure if she is stringing you along as such, but with her plenty of time to herself it is making her think about the breakup and the connection with you.

 

This is not healthy for either of you as it is stalling both of you healing. You need to tell her that you are either together or apart, there is no room for being in limbo. If you are together, then be together, talk about LDR and get on with it. If you are apart, then you should both cut ties. Both go NC for as long as it takes to seperate the feelings and get over each other. This does not mean that one day you won't get back together, but for now, you need to deal with the healing and moving on.

 

As for Limbo, if you leave yourself in this space, you will just be dragging out the process and making it harder. Don't hold on in case it might happen.

 

So if you were me now what would you do? Arrange a call with her? Send it in a message/mail? I get what you are saying completely. After last nights messages my head started going to the point where I was going to ask if I could come and see her in her own country. She seems to contact me just when I'm starting to feel proud about feeling stronger, then boom. Head spinning.

[Giblesp]

By ending it, she has the power over what was the connection with you and her. But like many people, she's not sure she's done the right thing. If you start coming across as needy and responding to the breadcrumbs, she'll get the affirmation that she has done the right thing.

 

If you take control of the situation, she might feel that she has done the wrong thing.

 

How you take control and do what is best for YOU, is this; Tell her you want her as a lover and not a friend(I'm presuming you still feel that way). She can contact you if she changes her mind. Then you walk on with absolute no contact, forever if necessary. You look after yourself, date other women if inclined.

 

This is what self respecting , strong men will do in this situation. Such men are very rare and a catch, most men will turn into needy little boys when dumped.

 

At the very least she will respect you for it, she might reach out to you romantically again. Having been in this situation and followed the above, I have had a dumper reach out to me. I turned her down as I decided that I was more interested in new women, and less interested in women who have dumped me. She really shouldn't have dumped me in the first place if she was going to come back, her loss.

 

Have a look at Corey Wayne on youtube, also check the book 'No More Mr Nice Guy.'

[Keyman]

I would think an email would be best for this and you need to be firm with her.

 

'Listen, we broke up and I am trying the best I can to move on from that. But your messages are not helping either of us. I know it is hard starting somewhere foreign, but you made the decision to move there, and break up. So, you need to resist contacting me as I do not wish to block you, but if this continues I will have no other choice.'

 

Or something along those lines.

[mrsolodolo]

Thanks, really appreciate the advice.

 

I think I will leave it where it is again now focusing on NC and my healing, but if she reaches out again I'll then reply to her in the way you guys have suggested.

[mrsolodolo]

Sorry, I don't have many people to show off to so I'm posting here.

 

We used to live together and so our landlord sends emails to both of us when he's got news or problems, he sent a mail out today about some repairs. Within minutes of him sending the email she forwarded it onto me 'pointing' it out (she knows I get the mails too).

 

I did it, I replied but exactly the way I should have done...

 

'Hi,

 

Yup, I did. Just like all the other emails he's sent us in the past

 

I did kinda ask before... Please, try and refrain from contacting me, it's not healthy for either of us, we both need to heal, grow and start our new lives with new opportunities.

 

Your love has gone, there's no trust so there's nothing I can do, there's nothing for me to fight for and I don't ever see that changing for you, so I've had to let go, which is why it's not helpful having your name pop up in my inbox every week or two.

 

I'm a big boy and I'll do just fine without your reminders, which although kind, are not needed.

 

Thanks'

 

I feel so proud, I feel happy and I'm confident I can walk away now without looking back.

[mrsolodolo]

OK, so she replied pretty much right away... I don't know what to do... Keep walking and not look back?

 

you don't have to be so cold.

 

I would forgive You everything !!! It's the same ed up for me cause I want to forgive You.

But yes I cannot risk it anymore..

If I could only have more life's than one I would !

If it was only one time I would !

 

But it wasn't !

And it killed me and it killed my love and nobody cared !!

So yes I miss all good about You and I have to live with the thought that You let my love be killed by such a stupid things !

I was happy and I wanted to make you happy too!

The best in Poland but who knows maybe even there.

 

So let me be...cause I'm in pain too and I do miss You...

How the hell I can know what the future brings..