Am I ready to see my ex?

[Jy1986usa]

Long story short - My ex broke up with me 8 months ago and broke my heart in the process. I kind of figured I would never see her again and thought she despised me. Well we play in the same fantasy football league and this years draft is in a couple weeks and she is going to be there. So apparently she is at least ok being in the same room with me. I don't know much beyond that.

 

Here's the thing. I'm still not fully over her and am still dealing with some depression over the whole experience. So the answer is probably obvious even to myself. NO! I'm not ready and shouldn't go. I probably shouldn't even play this year because just hearing about her and talking to my friend about the possibility of me seeing her again has caused me anxiety and sadness.

 

But at the same time I know I'll be super depressed if I don't go as well and know they're all having fun and I'm at home miserable. I want to be over this. I dont necessarily want to even be in her life but I don't want to be the guy that can't get over her and can't even show up to a bar for a few hours and be around her.

 

I think the smart thing to do is to not go and probably not even play this year. But I have this weird, possibly irrational thought that if I'm going to have a hard time with it anyway why not just go and see what happens? Maybe it could be good for me and a step towards moving on. I don't know.

 

Does anyone have thoughts on this? Has anyone been there and can tell me how they handled it? Thanks...

[shessofly]

Honestly it does not sound to me like you are in a good place to deal with seeing her. If it were me I would not go. In fact, there were things I normally did that I did not do when I was in the process of getting over my ex - and I didn't care one iota what anyone thought about me not showing up somewhere. My heart and my healing were my top priority. So I guess you figure out which pain will affect you the least - the pain of not going seems like a one night thing, while the pain of going and seeing her could cause a setback and last for weeks. Good luck whichever you choose!

[kbbcoop77]

My thought is if it's gonna bother you than don't go. My last breakup was hell and seeing her during that first year did me no good. It was only after I committed to complete no contact (over 2 years now) was I able to "detach" and flush her out of my system. This is all about YOU and your healing. Nothing else.

[Carus]

If you can get into a good mindset by the night then go...

 

The more you face your fears the less you will fear them ~ Exposure Therapy.

 

If you do see her there, keep it brief and upbeat. Don't bring up the relationship..! Treat her like anyone else at that event..

 

If you find yourself going into a tailspin you can always quietly leave...

 

If you cannot do this^ then definitely don't go.

 

Stay Strong

Carus*

[loip9114]

I will have the same dilemma soon enough as well. To go to a party where we might meet up. I am not certain she would even really go, but it could happen.

 

For you, I'd advice not to go. You're clearly still affected by the breakup and that is fine. There is no need to feel sh*tty about that, you just need some more time.

But I would also advice you to consider it a bit, as Carus said. Sometimes you have to face your fears, BUT you need to be certain you can handle it.

I would say, focus a bit more on yourself and getting healed. It is a couple of weeks from now, a lot might change. Therefore, make this decision on the day itself. If you are really feeling it, then go. Have fun and be alright. If you see her but she doesn't see you, I'd leave it and not engage. Any conversation yes, keep it short and upbeat. And go home when you want to go home.

 

If you do not have the strength to do it, then definitely do not do it.