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Should I break NC to send an apology ?


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Hi enotalone members


Me and my ex girlfriend had been in a relationship for 8 months (5 of which was LDR). Everything was good, but the last 2 months was stressful and boring (I can feel it too), so we decided to break up (it was mutual, silent and without fighting). The next day she admitted to my friend that she still loves me but the distance put a stress on her.


After few days I came up, asked her if we can work things out again, she declined and said that her feeling for me wasn't there anymore (wow, so fast). I posted a status on facebook (I didn't mention her, nothing blaming or mean stuff, just a "let it out my chess" so I can feel a little bit better) and some guy did bad mouth (I know, I messed up). She said that I was immature but she didn't hate me and she still respects me alot, I have gone NC ever since (4 weeks until now).


The guilt is eating me inside out, should I break NC to send an apology ? just a short and straight to the point text, nothing more and I don't expect her to text back positively, will it violate her space ?

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She said that I can talk to her normally, just don't bring up relationship stuff and don't text her too much.

I haven't text her for 4 weeks.

Then I'd say you wouldn't be violating her space. Just don't bring up your relationship in your letter of apology... just say you're sorry for what you said/what you did/whatever and that's it.

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You're trying to use the apology as an excuse to contact her again. You can post you apology on FB, but don't text her.


I don't know whether she still follows my fb or not


He didn't even name her, blame her or said anything explicitly bad in his FB post! What should he apologize for, exactly?


Because some guy did bad mouth to her, she finds it offensive and I feel guilty for that.

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Why would YOU feel guilty for something someone else sent. If you were not the one to offend her, then you should not write her an apology.


Completely agree with this, If you were the one bad-mouthing her and you feel bad about it. Then I would send an apology, NOT for her, but for yourself and to get the guilt of your chest.

If it was someone else, well then don't. Because you can only control your own actions not those of others. Then leave it be.

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People say they want to send an "apology" during no contact, but what they aren't admitting (to themselves or to others) is they really are hoping their ex will see the "apology" and be motivated to get back together or at least to start communicating again.


Most of the time these "apologies" don't go the way the sender hopes they will. It can be pretty crushing when the ex ignores the "apology" or just says "thank you".


I think the "apology" IS bringing up "relationship stuff", because it relates to the breakup.


But, if you're determined to send this "apology", realize it very likely won't go the way you hope it will.

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I come to the conclusion that I'm not emotionally stable enough to send her any kind of text, it could reset my healing process

I will stick to NC and keep disappearing, that's for the best.


Thanks guys


Few weeks after the break up, she viewed all of my instagram stories usually just minutes after I post them, then she deleted my instagram, our photos and videos on facebook. Does it mean that she hates me and wants to get rid of me for good ?

She still follows all of her ex bfs, but she deleted me specifically, that hurts like hell.

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So I just hit the send button, don't know if it is the right thing to do.




First and foremost, I always respect your decision and I’m not trying to change your mind by writing you this letter. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what happened. There are many things that I wish I had done differently.


What we had was amazing and started for all of the right reasons, but I know that we rushed ourselves into an unfortunate circumstance without solution. In retrospect, I can see why we broke up. This summer when you were lonely and eveything in your life was not going the way you wanted, you needed somebody to lean on in the time of sadness. I aware that I didn’t do my job as a boyfriend, who you can trust, to whom you can turn to relieve your stress and frustration.


Last week I had a conversation with an old friend. What she said made me truly understood what did you feel. The words I had said hurted you deeply in a way that I have always regretted ever since. I wish I have opportunity to make it up to you, maybe a cup of hot chocolate and a long walk with more jokes (which are actually funny I promise), maybe taking you to see your favorite movie in a rainy sunday afternoon, or maybe just simple as me giving you a flower and saying “I’m so sorry”. But with the difficulty of distance, all I can do is writing you this letter of sincere apology.


About the status that I posted on facebook, I can see that I was immature at the moment. I acted out of desperation and that was an indecent thing to do. There were some inappropriate comments that maybe you found offensive, I privately inboxed them and talked to them and eventually they wanted send you their apology for their behavior. But I want you to know that the status I posted, I didn’t mean anything harmful to you.


There isn’t a day that goes by that doesn’t remind me of the great times we shared - The early walk by the beach, late night conversations, we doing your homeworks together, the silly stories I told to make you laugh, the songs I sang to you with a voice of a pig giving birth to farm tools. But I know that was just memories, things happened from the past that I shouldn’t cling to.


Accept this as an apology from an ex boyfriend who's learned to let the one he loved go.


I don't expect her to reply, and I don't know what I am feeling right now.

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