PetMetropolis Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 My first post here. I'll try to keep it short as possible but please offer any advice and don't hold back. Ive been with my long term gf/ partner for 4 years. Worth mentioning that we come from different cultural backgrounds which has not been a problem in the past, but occasionally feels as though it may be contributing - In terms of her expectations, which seem to be a little unrealistic at times in my view. The main problem we have is constantly arguing. Often about minor things, or at least minor in my eyes. I find her extremely petty and argumentative, creating big problems from little things and completely losing perspective. What starts as a conversation usually ends up as a full blown argument usually with me feeling frustrated and her in tears. My mind is spinning trying to understand what has gone wrong. A few examples. We start talking about something general and then she brings up something I said or did 3 years ago and we end up arguing about my exact words, nothing major just I suggested something but didn't say specifically what or how. A pointless argument in my opinion. She is the same with her family, bringing up things from 15-20 years ago. When she's determined to argue that's where we end up, one way or another. There are small things that come up and become big problems and I feel sometimes that she is constantly finding faults with me. For example, I have dry skin/eczema and sometimes inflamed and she feels embarrassed and worries about what her family will think. Or my legs are too hairy (not common for men in her culture). Or what her family will think if they find out my parents are divorced or that I have a job (working is considered low status in her family/culture). All these things are wearing me down and making me feel pretty worthless sometimes. Feels like any excuse to create an argument. I just need her to understand context and keep things in perspective, and how small problems/defects need to be overlooked sometimes and accept that nobody is perfect. I'm sorry for my faults but what can I do? Any advice on avoiding arguments? I don't want walk away as love her deeply and her family appear to like me on the surface (don't know what they really think about me?). I also want the relationship to improve but need her to understand how I feel and stop creating arguments which is destroying us both. Has anyone worked through similar and how did you do it and how did it end up? Link to comment
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