Lunch?

[Tomthumb88]

Should I invite my ex to lunch or something? I'm moving around 3 hours away in a week. So the break up was awhile ago now, I'm not really hurt anymore and my life has grown by leaps and bounds since. I stopped reaching out completely several months back but I respond to her when she reaches out which has been monthly or so.

[Wolfshook]

Why should you?

[ThatwasThen]

Should I invite my ex to lunch or something? I'm moving around 3 hours away in a week. So the break up was awhile ago now, I'm not really hurt anymore and my life has grown by leaps and bounds since. I stopped reaching out completely several months back but I respond to her when she reaches out which has been monthly or so.

It depends? What is your motive for reaching out?

[Tomthumb88]

Not sure.. I don't feel the urge to discuss the relationship anymore but seems it might be nice to see her before I leave.

[Tomthumb88]

I guess at this point the attachment is gone but I still love this person

[Starlight925]

One word: No.

[ThatwasThen]

I guess at this point the attachment is gone but I still love this person

Then unless she loves you back and wants to be with you, meeting up with her is a bad idea. However... you will do what you feel is what you need to do whether it means it sets you back or not.

[Tomthumb88]

I kinda don't want to be the one to rwCh out though

[Starlight925]

I still don't understand your motivation. You've broken up. You're moving. Move on. Let her move on.

[Tomthumb88]

I gave her every opportunity to jointly disappear and she continues to keep a link (however slight)

[Starlight925]

I gave her every opportunity to jointly disappear and she continues to keep a link (however slight)

 

Then why are you continuing to try to keep a link by inviting her to lunch? Guilty: you.

[Tomthumb88]

I think there is unfinished business between us and I think she thinks so as well.

[ThatwasThen]

I kinda don't want to be the one to rwCh out though

 

Then don't!

 

Does she know you're moving away? If she does then she should be inviting you out to lunch...

[Starlight925]

I think there is unfinished business between us and I think she thinks so as well.

 

Then just call her, ask her to talk about the unfinished business, and be done with it already. But don't call her under the guise of "let's do lunch before I move so we can catch up".

 

Be a grownup, and tell her you'd like to talk about some things, and do that. You're acting like a 15 year-old.

[Tomthumb88]

Thanks.. just a passing weakness. She is the one that deemed us not worth putting any effort into so she is the one that would need to earn me back.

I'd be lieing if I said I didn't love her or wish we could try again but I can't be the only one. Back to living and growing

[melancholy123]

I say dont contact her, certainly dont ask her to go out for lunch. You are broken up for a reason. If you absolutely have to do something, text her saying you are moving and after that block her and start packing.

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks.. just a passing weakness. She is the one that deemed us not worth putting any effort into so she is the one that would need to earn me back.

I'd be lieing if I said I didn't love her or wish we could try again but I can't be the only one. Back to living and growing

 

Wow.. you ARE growing. Awesome mind space there, Tom!

[Tomthumb88]

I don't want to get into the relationship but the vast majority of our issues were caused by external forces and her past and depression/anxiety issues. So it keeps me from complexly cutting all ties with her since it seems with will it could easily be repaired. But, at present the is little or no will on her part so no reason for me to keep sticking my neck out.

[indea08]

If I were her, I would appreciate being able to see you and spend a casual, care free lunch with you before you move. As long as neither of you have any expectations.

[ThatwasThen]

Don't change your mind, Tom... You're doing the right thing. If she reaches out to you to invite you to something before you go, that's one thing but for you to do it is quite another. You're growing and you should be proud of the new personal boundaries you've formed to keep yourself emotionally safe.

 

Question: Is she in therapy for her depression and anxiety issues?

[dave4443]

I'd say a lunch would be nice normally, already been through the breakup it can't get worse, the fact that your moving after it could hurt her and you a lot more though

[Jeffbobo]

I'd be lieing if I said I didn't love her or wish we could try again but I can't be the only one. Back to living and growing

 

This is precisely the reason you should NOT meet up for lunch or anything else for that matter. Just close the door, keep it closed and move forward. This will only set you back.

[Tomthumb88]

She wasn't in therapy last time we really talked (2 or 3 months) but I suggested it. Having deep multi hour conversations with her that weren't followed by any change were hurting and confusing to me so I cut off communication soon after she makes it now.

I suppose i'll just eventually never hear from her again.

[Tomthumb88]

I think I'm ok and not too worried about setbacks. Completely severing ties with someone I think things might work in the future with doesn't seem logical although I see where you are coming from.

[MissCanuck]

When I moved half-way around the world a year after my long-term, live-in relationship had ended, my ex messaged me to wish me good luck and say goodbye. That was all, it was a nice sentiment, and I moved a week later.

 

Exes usually do grow apart over time. Reconciliation was not in the cards for us so we gradually fell out of contact. And that's for the best. We have both moved on. You will too.

 

Seeing her for lunch will more than likely kick you back to Square One on your healing. Based on your threads, you're still very much into this woman. Having a goodbye lunch is not a good idea in these circumstances.