Woah93 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months, 4 years friends prior to that, we shared everything together, and she was a huge part of my life. After about the 6 month mark I started changing toward her, I became distrustful, needy, clingy, controlling, sometimes even abusive. I don't know exactly where this came from, but it started when I noticed a disconnection, distance and coldness from her, then this mindset started creeping in... "is she cheating on me, is there someone else, has she stopped loving me... etc etc." and the more I asked the more defensive she became until all trust and safety between us was gone and it devolved into constant arguments... Everytime after an argument I would apologize my ass off with the determination to change my behavior but then sooner or later small things would get to me again. She would no longer say I love you the way she used to, took hours to respond to texts, when she said goodnight I'm going to sleep, I see her online on whats app at 3 AM in the night and this fueled so many thoughts it made me into a neurotic mess, I noticed suddenly this new guy started liking all her facebook photos too... and she hid every reference of me from her social media... I felt neglected, exploited, used, but I keep thinking if this is because of my unattractive behavior or if my behavior started because I had this gut feeling... I obsess about figuring this out, and I cycle between hating her, loving her, then blaming myself, blaming her, finding a way to fix it, giving up, I'm a complete mess. Anyway we had a holliday planned of 11 days in my town together, and 2 days before she came she broke up with me through Whats App, through text... she is still going but with a friend (girl) and now she is in the same place where I am and she is posting pictures of how much fun she is having, I wanted to let her reach out to me and keep my dignity but I gave in to the temptation and I messaged her pouring out how I felt, that I wanted us to start over, and as much as the old her was crazy about me, now she is a shell of that person, and she was icecold toward me, like I was a vague acquaintance. She would not be mad, angry, or whatever but in a 'matter of fact' kind of way she says things like "Look, I see what your saying, and I agree, things wen't too fast, now I gotta sleep though, maybe I'll message you later. I just want you to be happy you know" and basically shuts me off again. Sporadically she opens up to me and I sense that she still cares a little but then it goes back to this icecold stonewalling. So here I am at home, struggling with these obsessive thoughts, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't stop thinking about this, and meanwhile she is going with her friend to the festival we had plans and is partying, showing no sign of being affected at all. I'm just so confused how a person can shut off feelings just like that, where before it was us against the world. We looked forward to this for a long time as we don't get to see each-other physically that much due to long distance, and now that she's here, she doesn't even care. I hate her so much, but I love her... Aaah... I don't know how to pull myself out of this, I feel like I'm losing it... Link to comment
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