Help help help

[kuruptfm]

I am so stuck. I have been with my boyfriend for just under 2 years. He is an absolute angel and he really does treat me incredibly. Before I met him I was in a very toxic and nasty relationship and my relationship now is the complete opposite. He takes care of me emotionally and physically. He gets on with all my friends. My family adore him. He picks me up from work every single day no matter the time. He doesn't get jealous over me having boy friends. He never goes through my phone. He actively posts about he on social media. He is everything I could have wished for. But there is just something missing!

I am a very outgoing, loud, charismatic, sarcastic, outspoken and funny person. I am the life of everywhere I go and I would say I can be a drama queen, attention seeker ect. He is the complete opposite. He is so quiet. He would rather observe social situations than become involved. I liked this at first as I would kind of lead things and he would just relax and laugh along. But now it is bugging me. We are so opposite. I feel like I walk all over him and in a sense bully him. He doesn't say this but it is obvious to read. I just keep dreaming and fantasising about someone who can match me. Someone who makes me laugh and has the energy and the wit to keep up with me. I know I should be careful what I wish for and if I did have someone like me maybe it would be a complete disaster:

Our sex life has gone drastically downhill. We just clearly are not attracted to eachother any more. He used to compliment me all the time and look at me like I was some mythical creature. But now it's a chore for us to even take our clothes off and touch eachother. We used to be so naughty and experiment and use toys and stuff. And I love this because whenever I would tell my friends they would be so shocked as he was so quiet and lovely, it was crazy that he was such a dominant in bed. But now it's just all fizzled out.

I know that relationships can get like this after some time. But I am a big believer in the law of attraction, spirituality and all that nonsense if you want to call it that. But I don't see why that just because "that's what happens in relationships after a while" that it should be any reason for me to settle? I am so willing and eager to just leave this settled life and go and swim in life and see where it takes me and who I meet along my path.

Half of me sees a future with this guy. He would be the ideal husband, his family would be the ideal family for me, he would be a fantastic father and a very special life parter to me. I know he would always take care of me and have my best interest at heart.

But the other half of me wants to travel and to meet hundreds of other boys before I even think about settling down. I want to see everything this world can give me. I have asked him multiple times to travel with me but he has a job (a very boring, soul sucking one) that he does not want to leave because of the salary. This is just a prime example of how we are so different

We have bickered a lot recently, and I think it may be coming from me subconsciously as I am having these feelings and they are affecting me without me even realising. I have tried to talk about it with him but he does not want the confrontation.

I know if I leave him I will regret it. His family will hate me. He would eventually find someone else and the thought sickens me of how amazing he would treat someone else and it wouldn't be me anymore. I would struggle to look out for myself as he does almost everything for me. Our friendship group is all the same so I would have to deal with my friends still seeing him which would be really difficult for me.

Since we met I go through these phases. I will be mad about him for a month, then off him again, then back again. I feel like I will always get back to this phase if we stay together.

I don't want to settle. I believe life has so much more out there for me. But I do love this guy and honestly don't think I will ever find better. I don't want to hurt him so bad that we couldn't rekindle in the future.

Please help me. Anything would be greatly appreciated

[SherrySher]

But the other half of me wants to travel and to meet hundreds of other boys before I even think about settling down. I want to see everything this world can give me.

 

This half is never going to go away and if you don't pursue it, you will end up resenting him and feeling trapped and could end up leaving and destroying a marriage a few years down the road.

You have one life and you need to get all of your curiosities dealt with. This is not only for your sake but his too. You can't pretend to be happy if you're not and you can't pretend to be ready for marriage with him if you're not. You will only end up badly hurting both of you if you force yourself to stay with him and go into a marriage when it's not really what you want.

It will be unfair to you both.

 

As for what you friends or family think, this is your life, your decisions, you can't live your life to please others. If they have a problem with it, then let them deal with it on their own. But no one should be forcing you to live a life they want you to.

Someone might look good on paper but that doesn't mean they are the right one for you. I realize you don't want to hurt him, but you will be hurting not only him but yourself as well if you keep on forcing yourself to try to remain a part of this.

Right now, you sound bored and trapped, free both of you and let it go. He can't possibly be the right one if you've got this many doubts and feel this unhappy.

[DancingFool]

Sex and sexual desire do not just die out. Sorry, but no, it's not just what happens in relationships over time. It's actually a huge neon flashing sign that your relationship is in deep deep trouble. It's one thing if it had been boring from the get go, but now..... You and him need to have some serious heart to heart talks about what is happening between the two of you. Whatever is going on, it's not just you wanting adventure, it's him too not being happy with things.