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Friends or something more


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About 2 years ago a married co-worker and I became friends. I was in a long-term relationship at the time we met. I am no longer in that relationship however he is not aware that we have broke up. There has never been anything physical except for he always hugs me when he sees me. After a year I moved companies. When I told him I was leaving he teared up and then ask me if I was getting a raise. The previous year he was going to leave the company and stayed after I asked him to not leave. So I felt very bad about leaving but when I told him it was a substantial raise he said he was very happy for me but to please come and tell him goodbye before I left that Friday. When I talked to him the day I left he told me that he appreciated everything I had done for him and that he did not think he could have made it through the previous year without me and did not know how he was going to make it through without me now and that he loved me. I didn't think anything of it because I assumed he meant he loved me as a friend being that there has never been anything physical between us. For the last year I have been at another company and we text each other almost everyday about gossip in our workplaces and how things are going in general in our lives when I go and see him at work he always hugs me and tells me how great it is to see me. He texts that he misses me and things are more fun with me if we haven't been able to talk he says he misses talking to me if he's not able to text or answer a phone call he always will text that he's so sorry but he didn't text back and gets back with me as soon as he can. A couple months back when I had gone to see him and he walked me out to the car when he gave me a hug he continued to hug me he is a good foot taller than me and he kiss me on top of the head and held the kiss while he was hugging me. He seems that he's very comfortable around me enough to change clothes in an adjoining room and continue talking to me while he changes clothes. Over the last year I feel like I have fallen in love with him. At this point I am confused because I don't know what I should do I love having him as a friend but I'm starting to feel like I would want something more but I'm okay with staying his friend what is confusing to me is I don't know how he feels about me. I just thought maybe somebody would have an idea of why I get the feeling that he has feelings for me. And if anyone has any suggestions. Please don't state he's married not really helpfhelpful.

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Sorry.... Its the elephant in your thread so I'm going to get it out there right away whether you want to hear it or not. He's married and your thoughts should be no where near wondering if he loves you or is crushing on you like you are on him. He's married... that and the fact that you're crushing on him should make your common sense tune in and tell you to quit with the texting, the hugging, the going to his work place to see him.


I would want something more but I'm okay with staying his friend
He's married... shame on you. How would you feel if some opposite sex friend of your husband was wanting something more with him?


You're platonic friends wherein you have both crossed platonic relationship boundaries and he's crossed his romantic relationship boundaries by hugging you too long and kissing the top of your head... Its no wonder you're confused and have forgone all common sense and have ceased to look out for your own emotional well being. He's married, surely you understand that when you "want more" with a married person and they are sleazy enough to give you more, all you'll get is sex. You'll end up alone on all the normal holidays because he'll be with his wife and family. He'll certainly never be the companion you wish him to be.


Distance yourself and do the mental work you need to do to get to the stage of indifference to him... mmmmm'kay.



In the meantime google "limerence" and read the Wiki link to it which will explain what you're going through mentally... perhaps if you understand your crush, you'll more quickly get over it. You certainly don't want to be in this emotional quagmire you've created for yourself for years to come. There are single men out there that you could be dating with legitimacy.

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Shame on you.... really nice and judgemental. Wow thanks for the "advice," my saintly friend.


Read again: There is a lot of good advise in that post that, if you took into consideration you would be able to over-ride your crush and save yourself all this longing you're living with. However: I suspect you're too focused on getting your needs met while not taking into account anyone else's at the moment so you're reaction is typical of someone who is hearing everything they actually know, but didn't want to hear.

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