kang98 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 So, I find that my husband displays some passive/aggressive behaviors at times. A little background to start. He spent almost five years working overseas, and had a maid the entire time who did everything but cook. So his laundry was always done, everything was ironed, and put away. He also had an enormous amount of closet space. (I mention this for a reason.) Fast forward to the present (four years later). We have been together for almost 10 years, but spent half of that in different worlds. Not having a maid anymore was an adjustment for him, I know. I work full time just like he does, we have three kids, and another on the way. My oldest two boys help out with the laundry. My husband hasn't done a load since returning from overseas. After my boys fold clothes, they put them in a basket in our room. Now, I don't always put the clothes away immediately, and he doesn't put them away ever, so sometimes in the morning while he's getting ready for work, he will unload all of the clothes onto the bed, and at times, like this morning, I found the basket on the floor across the room upside down. It was apparent to me that he had thrown it i out of frustration. He gets aggravated when he clothes aren't folded properly by the boys and then in turn about any wrinkles. I have told him in the past that if he doesn't like how they do it, he should do it himself. He told me to teach them how to iron, which I have not done because well, either of us could do that. He was taught to iron at a young age like me and also was in the military. We have both taken the time to show the boys how to properly fold, but they are 12 and 13. Sometimes they do it correctly, sometimes they rush. I usually end up refolding my husbands clothes when I put them away. Anyhow, even though I am off in the summer, I don't always get around to taking care of the clothes in the basket, let along ironing. Yes, I'm off, but I am taking grad classes still, manage a rental property, still handle other household chores, prepare meals, and run the kids everywhere. We've also had an extra trying summer with our oldest son (Long story.) I also do these things when I am working full time as well. So this morning while he was upstairs getting angry at the laundry, I was downstairs asleep on the couch because I had difficulty falling asleep last night. Once he made his way downstairs, he turned on the light that's directly in front of me, and then the T.V. Being a light sleeper, I am easily woken up and once I'm up, I'm usually up. When I went upstairs to try to go back to my bed, I saw the clothes and figured that may be why he wasn't so respectful of me sleeping this morning. Instead of moving the clothes and went and laid down in my youngest son's bed, who was sleeping in my bed. While he was downstairs making his lunch, I also heard him getting angry with the drawer where the Tupperware is. It's broken and gets stuck sometimes. I get that it's frustrating, but I heard him getting angry about it upstairs. Now, he was sweet to me when saying goodbye and said I love you, but I'm really growing tired of this passive/aggressive behavior, particularly with the laundry. I mentioned the closet space he had overseas, and I did that because we don't have enough here in our home. Therefore, I dread even putting clothes away because I know I'll run out of room. Most of the time my things end up staying in the laundry room or the basket, and I iron my work clothes as I need them. So my question is, what do I do about the piles of laundry on my bed right now? This is his way of telling me that he wants them taken care of, and I don't like the way he has chosen to communicate with me. I don't want to put them away. I have told him in the past that if he is bothered by something, just talk to me about it. We've also had disputes about the laundry in particular. What to do? Link to comment
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