Was I played the whole time? I can't heal

[Teo]

I am an exchange student in Korea. 5 weeks ago I started talking to a guy. he went on a trip so we couldn’t meet for 2 weeks but talked everyday on this app, line. the guy seemed perfect. about a week later he’s telling me how much he likes me and a bunch of cheesy stuff.he came back, wenton a training outside of seoul so we met on weekends. every time he stayed at a hotel. the dates went well. i was colder first then opened up to him. From the start I told him that trust is extremly impostant to me, I told him about my bad experiences. I soon found his instagram , full of pics of a kor girl. the last post of her was a week before we we met but there were some coments on new posts. I confronted him and he said it’s his ex and that’s why we started talking. I wanted to belive. then he gets cold then sweet, makes sexual comments knowing i don’t wanna do it yet. next weekend together he made it clear he wants to get serious with me and that he’ll never hurt me…i spent the night at his hotel, didn’t do it but he got touchy and I couldn’t stop him. Last week, he’s acting weird, telling me he can’t meet me cuz he has to go to his parents (in Jeju) but we can meet on Sunday evening . He was sure at this point we’ll have sex but I wasn’t. Then he tells me to meet on Friday evening cuz he fineshed and came back. We had a figt about him not wanting me to see his place. He said it’s private and only his family can come. again he’s staying at a hotel. We meet, he’s a bit tipsy. He tells me things I wanted to hear, that he’s sorry he couldnt talk more often, that there will be no more hotel, just a date night out, planned a trip.. and asks if I want to be his gf officially, that he wants to buy couple rings, and meet my mom. tells me he’s mine, and that he’ll give me everything.. said he loves me. he called me baby, angel, princess the whole time. He knew all along I had a hard time trusting him. eventually i sleep with this guy. I didn’t feel ready tho… *regrets* After the sex he’s still sweet. next day he’s telling me he doesn’t want to leave etc. But when we leave the hotel I feel uneasy, he tells me to stop thinking, promisses me he won’t leave and makes plans for Sunday. Few hours pass, nothing from him so i text him… no replay..but he’s active on ig posting.. he eve made it private. later i check the girl’s but she deleted hers (it was private before) but she makes a new one, and posts tons of old pics of him with lovey-dovey descriptions. He posts a pic with a hashtag #i wanna go to…, so i guess he never went. He also posted a pics of the girl and something that looks like a present from her saying “my gf is always good to mee. I have to be a man and show her blah blah sorry, love u”. then I finally check his kakao (the most used korean app to see he had a profile pic of her all along a,d the line profile was probably made just to talk to me, one day before… so: 1. was this guy going trough a rough time with her or got a bit bored, decided to cheat under the excuse he was gone for training and she had no idea he came to Seoul every weekend. and insted of just hooking up with a random girl on his trip he tries for 5 weeks to get in my pants and said all that for sex. 2. They really broke up for a bit (since the interactions on ig weren’t many and he wasn’t following her but then again he was away the whole time), but still kept all the pics thinking of going back to her anyway. Tried something with me and after the sex he realised it wans’t his thing and ran back to her. so her new ig is a new start? I’m humiliated. I’ve been told to tell her about it or send him a f u text…did nothing yet but i wanna do something.need closure or revange cuz I haven't been eating sleeping and going to school... Note: we didn't meet in hotels, we had whole-daye dates every weekend and 2 times i went back at night...

[DanZee]

There's an American film called Smooth Talk that is about a similar situation. Once the guy gets the girl to lose her virginity to him, he takes off leaving the girl to feel dirty and used. That sounds like your situation.

 

This guy is a player, he's not looking for a girlfriend, just people to use. In a way, he's trying to trap you with emotional abuse. The end result would be to tear down your self-esteem and get you to accept him dating other women and taking off on long trips. If he loved you, he would have respected your wish to wait until you were ready. The next step would have been to just use you for sex.

 

Keep away from this guy. Call it off. He is nothing but grief!

[MissCanuck]

Yes, this guy is a player.

 

Sounds like he never really broke up with the girlfriend in the first place, unfortunately.