Help! Long Term GF emotionally cheated on me.

[pitifullyugly]

Hi, im new here and this is my first post, this is kinda long story so pls bear with me and read till the end. My GF and I have been together for more than 5 years. We've known each other since college and started to have feeling to each other. But she was confused on what she feels for me so she chose this boy she met online in order to fight what she feels about me and left me hanging. They dated for 1 year and she ended it because she said she didn't fully love the guy and she was just trying to get me off of her system but she cannot fight it no longer. So we gave our love a try, we started dating mid year of 2010 and we were inseparable since then. We live in together for almost four years, we made a life together for better and for worse, we built a business of our own while she's working as a nurse and i worked as an accounting assistant, i quit my job so i can focus on our growing business.

 

Here comes the dilemma. Her application to work abroad has been approved, its a three years contract. I supported her because i know she have these big dreams and i want her to help her family too. We made it the first year she came home without a problem we were still sweet and caring and loving to each other and still inseparable. But we fought over this one girl she was chatting with, her coworker. I can feel that there's something odd in the way they talk its like the saying "you can feel it in your bones". I told her to stop chatting with that girl because that girl is in a relationship as well, i don't want her to get involve and be the reason why that couple fight. She never mentioned that girl anymore and she told me she stayed away. And then this second year she came home. She was with me but i know she was chatting with someone on her phone but everytime i looked into her phone she press the home button. I asked her who was she talking to she said no one. Valentines day someone sent her a cake and she told me she didn't know who it came from. I didn't mind it because i trusted her and she showed me and made me feel that she really loves me and i believed it. Its her third time to go back abroad . She is preparing to study for her exam, she said she will be busy in her work and her studies so her time with me will be lessen, I told her I didn't mind it as long as she can save at least 10 minutes of call with me and as long as she is focused on her goal. Every morning i sent her a text of encouragement and every night I always told her that i will be waiting for her to come home from work, but the time difference made it worst for us or maybe her lack of effort. After two weeks she called me she said she was having a hard time with her work and her studies and she still needs to cook and wash her clothes etc and i too was giving her a hard time because we were fighting because she can't find time for me, i even told her i will go abroad for her so i can be with her and help her like i always do but she told me how about our business she can't afford to lose our business and she doesn't want me to suffer working abroad. So, i distanced myself so she can focused on her goals, we only talked when shes available. But as the days goes by we were talking less and less everyday. i confronted her what's really wrong with us because we were so distant already and its killing me, its like shes changed all of a sudden. She told me she couldn't take it anymore, she needs space to focus on herself, on her work and studies. And she wasn't sure of what she feels about me anymore. She said she needs the space so she can find herself back to me again. She asked for space until we meet again on september 2017. I loved her so much even though i know its going to kill me i gave her her freedom. I gave her the space she needs. I GO NC with her for two months cause i think thats the meaning of space. And recently she called me that someone is trying to ruin her life she didn't give me details on how but she told me its the girlfriend of the the girl she was chatting to, the one i told her to stay away from. I asked her if there's something going on between her and the girl she was chatting with. All she can manage to say was "i'm sorry", she told me she didn't plan this to happened, it just happened that she fell for this girl too. No explanation on how it happened why she didn't try to stay away i was kept in the dark, played like a fool. I was so mad at her, i told her why couldn't she wait until september and get closure with me. While i was hoping we can still fix us and try to make it work. I tried to make it work but she wouldn't let me. I was depressed for a week questioning myself what i did wrong, what did i ever do to deserve this kind of pain. But my suffering didn't end that day, the ex-girlfriend she was cheating with left me a message on facebook, she told me that her girlfriend broke up with her last week, that they've been cheating on her for months now, she told me everything and all the questions i had was clear. Everything puts into place, the cake and the secret chats, everything. I confronted my ex-GF if its all true and all she can manage to say is the f****** "im sorry". She wants to meet me on september so we can talk and she doesn't want us to be like this but i don't think i can. I don't know if im be able to forgive what she did or if i can even look her in the eye. Because that person is not the same person i knew, the person i fell inlove with was caring, loving, sweet and strong, she can't say NO to others because she doesn't want to hurt their feelings, everybody adores her. I don't know what happened to her that she suddenly changed, that she is capable of ruining someone else's relationship and even sacrificed ours just for her selfish reason.

 

Now, I don't know where to start my life alone, its like im starting from scratch. I was left with a brokenheart and at the same time im broke because I need to pay half of our business to her because i don't want anything to do with her anymore. I wanted to GO NC from her. But its impossible for me if i still have a debt to pay. My Life just literally ended. I couldn't tell our friends and our family what happened to us because no one knows that we were in a relationship for almost 6 years, we made a very good acting to act as bestfriends in front of them. I had no one to vent out to because all of my friends knew her and i don't want them to think bad of her. This is the first time i talked about us. And i felt really good to tell our story even if its too late.

 

Its my 9 days of NC and i dont think its very helping right now.

 

Thank You for reading till the end. I really need to vent out because depression is already consuming me and i don't know how to fight it.

[MissCanuck]

I'm really sorry, OP. I can feel your pain through the screen.

 

Unfortunately, it seems the signs were there for a while that she was not being honest with you. She was deliberately deceiving you for months, and she showed you her true colours. This is who she is, sadly - someone who is capable of disrespect, disloyalty and dishonesty. It's not because she cannot say no to others. She can, but in this case, she didn't want to say no.

 

I don't think meeting her in September will bring you any answers. It will, however, be very painful for you to see her. I would continue your plan for No Contact instead and try to get the logistics of your business worked out as soon as possible. It hurts, I've been betrayed too in my day. Time and space away from the wayward partner really does help. A day at a time.

 

Just to clarify, was this a same-sex relationship? Is that why you couldn't tell your family and friends she was really your girlfriend?

[Andrina]

Being together that long, it will take a lot longer to mourn the end. Just know what you're going through is normal and a necessary step to get to the healing part. I agree Miss Canuck that you shouldn't meet up with her. I'd get legal documents drawn up with monthly payments automatically deposited in her account to pay her off with your business. That way, you don't have to speak to her after that's set up.

 

You're too close to the situation to see a life without her right now, but be assured it will happen. Just make sure you always pamper yourself, keep friends and family in your life for a constant support system, and have hobbies/interests outside of spending time with your future partner so that you don't make one person the sole reason for your existence. Take care.

[pitifullyugly]

Thanks misscanuck. Yes, it's a same-sex relationship. I guess i was blinded for what i feel about her that i didn't see those signs earlier. Its just hard for me because i don't have anybody to turn to, someone who can understand what i'm going through right now. She hurted me with no remorse and yet here i am, i can't make myself to tell my friends about us. I'm not afraid that they will know that i'm gay, what i'm afraid of is what will they think of her. It will hurt her when the truth comes out and i don't want that. I am tired of dealing with this alone and this is the only way i know that can help me without affecting her. As you said i'd better stick to my plan of no contact and i will do that. Thank You

[pitifullyugly]

Andrina. I don't know how long really. I think It will be very hard for me to trust myself with someone again. Thanks for the advice about the financial matters. I will do that.

And I hope someday when i'm ready, i will come out to my friends and family.

[DanZee]

Just as a general note, long distance relationships are difficult, especially for three years. Each year that goes by lowers the chance of it surviving greatly. You don't mention your ages, but I'm guessing you're young, and it's difficult to stay at home, not go out and meet new people, and so on, especially when you're in a new country. It's probably best to throttle back any relationship to friend status and then see where you are when it's over.

[Random Person]

When I was reading I said one thing "hope he doesn't want her back" because from things you told, you sound like a decent person and definitely deserve someone better. Sometimes we think things happening to us are bad but maybe those bad things are blocking bigger bad things. This could've end worse for you and I think you should be happy you're free from that relationship now.