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So a little background me and my husband met three months before we got married we believe in love at first sight, yes I know that most of stuticts show we won't last but we're trying to prove the odds wrong. We just recently celebrated our one-year anniversary we're both in the military I've recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and he has PTSD. I don't understand why after he comes home from work he immediately gets on his computer games doesnt even acknowledge me and plays them nonstop and when it's the weekend forget it I never see him. He is constantly on his games constantly playing will never spend time with me I always have to fight him to spend time with me he tells me often that it's my fault he doesn't spend time with me because all I do is watch TV but I've tried getting him to go outside with me and just go on a walk or do something to where we can spend time together he thinks that going grocery shopping for 3 hours is spending enough time with me for a day after not seeing me for a week. I just need help on how to get him off of the video games and spend more time with me I feel like our marriage is breaking because neither one of us spend time together and I don't want to lose him.

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I think your husband is suffering from PTSD and he's barely hanging on. Nagging him is only going to drive him away and make him more remote. Is there any way you play video games with him or get on your own computer and play as a team? Does doing things with you only mean he has to do things you want to do? Also, can you talk with his counselor and sit in on some sessions. You have to find a way to ease into his world any way you can. He may be hiding in his video games because he feels you've already pushed hime away.

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There is such a thing as lust or chemistry at first sight, but love needs time to grow. You married in the honeymoon period. You should never make major decisions like moving in together or marrying or having a child with someone until knowing them a minimum of one year, and better, two. You have to see how a person will treat you long term, once the high of a beginning relationship wanes.


What's done is done. You're married. When you have a discussion with him, ask him to give you his full attention. Speak with "I" sentences versus "You" sentences, such as: I'd like to have a date night with you once a week. If there's alway a particular day that's good for the both of you, then make that the date night, to be more specific. Start with that. If that works out, ask for something else, like once a week, you'd like to fix dinner together, and make it a relaxing time with candles and music you both like.


Don't use accusatory statements like "You never . . ." He does need some time to himself and with his hobby of gaming. What you need to work on with him is making sure there is a healthy balance with all of his time. You should feel satisfied with the quality and quantity of time he spends with you.


Ultimately, he will show through his behavior if he cares or not. If he doesn't care about your needs, he will ignore your requests. If he cares, he will want to please you, if your requests are reasonable. If he doesn't care, and you've pulled out all the stops with couples counseling and communication, then maybe you will realize you made a mistake and get a divorce. You can't sacrifice your happiness for someone who doesn't make you feel special.

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This is precisely why the statistics suggest marrying quickly is not wise and doesn't often end well. You didn't know each other.


Anyway, is he in treatment for PTSD? He needs to want to get help and be a better husband. His video game addiction is likely a coping mechanism, but he's taken it to unhealthy levels.


You two need to sit and talk. I agree with Andrina about approaching him with "I" statements. He is likely to be very sensitive to anything perceived as criticism so you need to choose your words carefully. Let him know that you miss him and would like to do XYZ activity together, and take it from there. See how open he is to meeting you half-way, a little at a time.


Ultimately, though, if he refuses to do even that, you might very seriously want to consider remaining in this marriage. It can't be one-sided with you feeling alone and ignored and unloved. He either cares or he doesn't.

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