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How do I stop over thinking everything?


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I am a big over-thinker and I don't know how to control it at this point. I feel like my over thinking is going to negatively affect my current relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months. In this time, he has given me no reason not to trust him, but I still find myself constantly worrying. Every time something doesn't go the way I expect it to, I'm worried that something is wrong or that he is mad at me or upset with me and he never is. I spend too much time worrying that he is going to find someone better and leave me or that he's going to get bored of me.


I don't want to lose this guy. He's the first guy I've ever dated that has treated me right. He makes effort wit getting to know my friends and family, he's been there for me through some hard times and has done nothing wrong and here I find myself always worrying that he's going to leave me.


I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to throw all my insecurities at him and scare him away or frustrate him, but I don't know how to stop over thinking. My mind just races and I end up upsetting myself so much that my stomach starts to feel uneasy or I start to cry. How can I deal with all this anxiety and stop myself from constantly over thinking?

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What do you do when you over think?


Do you bombard him with texts? Do you ask him constantly if he really likes you and really wants to be with you? If you text him and he doesn't respond immediately, do you text him again and again until he finally responds? Has he said you over contact him?


Or...do you bottle this worry up inside?


What do you think would happen if you could stop worrying? In other words, do you think your worry and overthinking prevents him from hurting you?

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I don't ever bombard him with texts, but sometimes I will text him about it for reassurance. But I do wait til he responds and I try not to over contact him, he's never said I have. Then there are times where I bottle everything up inside.


I don't think my worrying and over thinking prevents him from hurting me. He could always hurt me or I could even end up hurting him. I just want to stop constantly thinking that he is going to hurt me. It stresses me out and I know it does upset him a bit because he feels like I don't trust him. I do trust him, I just get scared because I've never had someone like him in my life before who treats me the right way. I'm scared I'm going to push him away or lose him to someone else.

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You need to get a handle on this before your behavior drives him away.


You know logically that worrying and overthinking doesn't prevent him from being able to hurt you if he chooses to. So far, he hasn't shown you that he intends to hurt you. So, what do you do?


Do you over think in every facet of your life or just with regard to your romantic relationships?


If it's a part of your everyday life, a life skills coach may be the way to go. If it's strictly with regard to your romantic relationship you may need to dig deeper and look into counseling. A counselor can teach you skills that will help you redirect your thoughts.


For example, sometimes I feel anxious. So I direct my thoughts backward to determine the source. If it's something at work, I tell myself "There's nothing I can do to change the situation now. If I did something wrong, I'll find out about it and deal with it then. No matter what, the world will go on". If it's regarding a personal relationship, I tell myself "Most likely, the other person doesn't even realize I think something's 'wrong'. And if I did do or say something insensitive, they will allow me to apologize". I usually leave it for a day or two, then realize that I didn't really do or say the awful thing I think I did or said and the other person hasn't given it a single thought.


In other words, I use logic to talk myself off the ledge.


I found CBT to be helpful too. If I have an illogical thought I'll tell myself "This is an intrusive thought that has no basis in reality. I'm going to do something productive now". And it works.


I'd recommend looking into either a life skills coach or counseling. Otherwise you might allow your fear to result in the very thing you're afraid of.

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Talk with him about this. Keeping it inside will only make it worse. I'm going through the same thing right now. Communicating your feelings might lead to you feeling more secure, and then he may know what he needs to do for you to feel comfortable.

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Definitely Weill's method of 4-7-8 breathing and never indulging in asking your boyfriend for reassurance. You will need reassurance for other things that don't involve overthinking so save it for those (hopefully rare) times. It is not his appropriate role and he can't reassure you more than very short term.

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