Hey dumpees! Need motivational kick.

[Elavohra]

I know being dumped sucks! It hit you hard, kills your self-esteem and confidence. Makes you question your own worth. You feel as if you were the only one who was doing wrong in the relationship and your partner is/was perfect as f***. It's like the dumper is the only quality person you can ever have in your life.

No, it's not about looking back or getting back together after becoming a better person. It's totally about moving on forever and not thinking about your ex at all but learning from your mistakes.

 

Anyway, I want to hear from all the people out here- how and what did you guys do to transform yourself and became the best version of yourself and for yourself only. Did you get your desired results?

 

PS: I am not talking about those relationships which has involved cheating or betrayal. I have no hard feelings for the dumpers. So, please don't get me wrong and don't be harsh while replying to this post. This post is for the ones who are struggling to work upon themselves, struggling to build up their self confidence and self esteem.

[cococly]

It has been 3months since the breakup with my gf of 3.5 years. We used to travel around the world, we took 15 or so long-haul trips. We were planning to get a house in a new country, etc. We could talk everyday for hours.

 

In the first few weeks, I was in denial, I couldn't believe she was "choosing between me and the new man".

Then I tried NC, she realized I got more distant, so she fed me with breadcrumbs, confusing me.

Now we are on real NC.

 

Anyhow, I went on a long-haul trip on my own for 2 weeks. I started making one audiolog everyday. On the last day of my trip, I played back the recordings from the previous days, I can truly see I am changing, I can finally find my direction. I almost laughed at my audiolog for the promises that I wanted to make to my exgf one the first few days of the breakup It was at that moment, I realized, I am making progress in my recovery.

 

I used to get so caught up with my exgf, that I hide/gave up on my dreams, just to be with her.

 

Now I know, I am financially and emotionally capable of having a better life without her.

 

Hack, if I become successful (I need luck, but I need to start trying to begin with) in that dream, then I am sure I would know better and more compatible girls than my exgf.

 

I am casually dating other girls, I don't bother to "SHOW OFF" on social media to show my exgf, she doesn't deserve to know how I am doing.

 

Sorry for the Long post

[Elavohra]

It has been 3months since the breakup with my gf of 3.5 years. We used to travel around the world, we took 15 or so long-haul trips. We were planning to get a house in a new country, etc. We could talk everyday for hours.

 

In the first few weeks, I was in denial, I couldn't believe she was "choosing between me and the new man".

Then I tried NC, she realized I got more distant, so she fed me with breadcrumbs, confusing me.

Now we are on real NC.

 

Anyhow, I went on a long-haul trip on my own for 2 weeks. I started making one audiolog everyday. On the last day of my trip, I played back the recordings from the previous days, I can truly see I am changing, I can finally find my direction. I almost laughed at my audiolog for the promises that I wanted to make to my exgf one the first few days of the breakup It was at that moment, I realized, I am making progress in my recovery.

 

I used to get so caught up with my exgf, that I hide/gave up on my dreams, just to be with her.

 

Now I know, I am financially and emotionally capable of having a better life without her.

 

Hack, if I become successful (I need luck, but I need to start trying to begin with) in that dream, then I am sure I would know better and more compatible girls than my exgf.

 

I am casually dating other girls, I don't bother to "SHOW OFF" on social media to show my exgf, she doesn't deserve to know how I am doing.

 

Sorry for the Long post

 

I loved your long post, thanks!

Even, I began to give up on my dreams just to be with him. And eventually I got clingy. Anyway, I am glad he dumped me though it has ripped my heart and has lowered my self esteem. Makes me feel as if I am the worst person alive on this earth. But, it's good to be alone. The pain is lighter than the threshold of break up. However, I am not making progress on the pace I want it to be.

[loip9114]

I sat myself down, I looked deep inside and said 'normally you walk away from these pains don't you? Well this time, let's fight it head!' That was already a major change! I decided I had no choice, normally I would have put my game face on and pushed all my energy for the ultimate focus. And keep my eyes on the horison untill I finally got there. I would go crazy! Like absolute maniac. Drink a couple of beers, go to the club and I don't know. Depends on what some asks 'Ever stripped naked in the middle of the club? Bet you didn't did you?' Bam naked in the club. I did climb a roof of a house when I was drunk, really smart move... cool pictures though.

But this time I said, things are different! You're going to be honest, you will tell people. F*** the whole 'Hey how are you? Good and you? Good, nice speaking to you. Cheers' conversations. 'How are you doing? Well I feel like s*** I got dumped, but other than that I am doing pretty good', shocked faces. Love it. Step to your colleagues, 'Hey this happened, I'll probably not be that good for a while'. Never would have done that.

 

Weirdly enough, my self-esteem grew! I started looking into what I did wrong and I could find very little except that I already had a low self-esteem and quite some self-hatred. So I took the emotional pain as fuel and started giving myself compliments about what I did right. And before I knew it, I gained self-esteem, got pretty much rid of self-hatred and got self-love. As I also thought, this period is not going to be fun and you can make it worse for yourself by hating yourself. So love yourself, you need it now more than ever. And it actually feels good giving myself the space to cry, shout etc. I'd normally beat myself up for that.

Other than that, I wrote down pretty much all I could think of. Read pretty much as much as I could. And did everything I could to drag myself through this. I tried trained and got quite in shape. Back to the body I had when I was 19 (only 26, but still) feels nice. I am setting goals for myself to achieve next year which are regrets I've been caring as they are things I haven't done/completed.

 

My heart got ripped out, stomped on, burned and shattered. At least that's how it felt, it still feels like a void from time to time, but somehow I did not believe myself to be all that bad. I did not start hating myself, I did not lose self-esteem. I just became extremely impatient. So yeah same, I want more progress!! Now!, but I cannot speed it up anymore than I already have. So I need to wait.

[Starlight925]

I was dumped by my BF of 2 1/2 years, without warning. We had literally never had so much as a disagreement. Talked about the future. Met the families. The whole deal. One night, we had the most slightest issue, where my family was trying to get him to help with a surprise Bday party for me, simply asking him for the name of a restaurant I'd like. They'd plan the rest. He wouldn't even return their texts, which, when I found out, upset me, so I told him. In the calmest, clearest way. After a day of movies, shopping, eating out, no big deal. He walked out....and I've never heard a word from him since. That was 5 years ago.

 

To say I was devastated is an understatement. I wandered from room to room, looking behind doors, like a child.....where IS he?????

 

I found a Divorce recovery group therapy group; although mine wasn't a divorce but merely a breakup, they welcomed me. That helped.

 

I had a few one-on-one sessions with the therapist who ran the group, who encouraged me to get back online, so I did, and guess who I saw.....my boyfriend, with a new picture, half of it cut out. Yep, it was our New Year's Eve photo, minus me.

 

So, I started dating...a lot. No one came close to matching up, and each time, I came home more discouraged.

 

A friend approached me to join a professional women's networking group, which I'd never in a million years do. Today, that group is a large part of my life. It's been amazing, and I serve on the board.

 

More female friends seemed to have come out of the woodwork, and when they started inviting me places, and I accepted, more started inviting me places. I now have the most awesome network of female friends I could ever imagine. I wish I could go back to high school to learn the lessons of developing a group of cool, fun female friends: encourage each other, be there for each other, state your issues and feelings, and then move on, and most of all, just have fun. Smile lots. You're amazed at how many more people want to be your friend.

 

And I embraced family members, even the ones I'm not crazy about.

 

I also edited OUT a lot of people: negative Nelly's, people who put me down, those who poke fun at me at my expense, etc. I was left with fewer people, and then, more people. Funny how that works.

 

You can read everything in the world: Work out, go for walks, get your nails done.....blah blah blah. The sadness hits when it hits. I found myself, one year later, thinking I was fine, crying so uncontrollably for a week, I thought I'd have to go to the E.R. It comes in waves.

 

I removed every single photo of him from social media, and from my hard drive. I put them all on a thumb drive, which I put away in a box. A few years later, I pulled that out of the box and thought, I wonder if I'm finally ok to view it....so....I braced myself. You know what? Happy memories, all of 'em. A fun day at the beach. A great trip. A nice dinner. Etc. Put it back in the box, where it'll remain.

 

Unfortunately, there's no straight answer to getting through it. No amount of self-help or googling, or youtube videos on getting through a breakup, as the dumpee, will help. The only thing that helps is the time you spend, and embracing those around you to help get you through it.

 

Oh, my dumper? Yes, I admit to looking him up. Living with a girl he met shortly after me, presumably meeting her from a site. Still, 5 years later, owning a home together. She can have him.

[SleekAvocado]

I was dumped by my BF of 2 1/2 years, without warning. We had literally never had so miuch as a disagreement. Talked about the future....

 

That is such a positive story that inspired me. I am confident that one day, I too will be able to just look at my ex and think, "yep, you can have that guy".

 

On 24th day of my NC journey and still going strong. And totally agreed on your point regarding the sadness that comes in waves. When it hits you, it hits you hard! But those will definitely lessen in the future. All the best to all of you.