Is it too soon to be doing this?

[mrsolodolo]

Hi,

 

I've posted before about my ex who left me to move to a different country and start the career she always wanted. Our relationship was up and down, had some great moments and some very dark moments.

 

As she was still living with me she hated me, told me there would never be any trust and no hope for a future. She was confident it was over.

 

Then, less than a week after she left she sent me an email telling me that she does not want to burn bridges, that she used to love me very much, does not blame me for everything and "who knows" about the future.

 

Now, in the second week of our split, she's been sending really random emails, just as a way to contact me. I've either ignored them or sent a short polite response.

 

Last night I don't know why, but I decided to respond to her latest email with "We should skype sometime next week"

 

She responded immediately saying yes and with lots of smileys.

 

This is only 10 days after the split, Monday next week will be 14 days, we're planning on skyping at the end of next week.

 

I love her, I am clinging to hope which I know is wrong.

 

What should I do? Should we skype? or should I tell her I've changed my mind and that its too soon and we should have at least a few months apart before getting in touch?

 

Any advice please, I'm scared I'm opening myself up to a world of pain again if I stay too close to her.

[Keyman]

Yes, it is defintely too soon. You have only just broken up and should really take some months away from each other to be able to heal and move on from the relationship.

 

I do understand that you are wanting her back, but I also feel that is just the symptoms of withdrawl from her leaving. It is the same thing most people feel soon after a breakup, dumper or dumpee. But based upon what she has said I honestly don't see a future.

 

I would skype her and when you do ask her what is going on? If you are broken up, then you need to stop talking so that you can get over her. Once the discussion has taken place, you need to go NC and begin the process of moving on and getting over her.

[Andrina]

When people are apart, sometimes the memories of the bad times lessen, and you do tend to miss the lack of contact since you've been together so long. If you got together, history would most likely repeat itself. She'd end up hating you again and things would go south. Instead of taking every step to work things out, she bailed. That's not love.

 

You can't open the front door to new possibilities when you have when you have your foot stuck in the back door. You're too close to the situation to see that your fate lies elsewhere. I'd tell her you made a mistake and you need to go no contact for closure. The right woman will never leave you, not even once.

[mrsolodolo]

So today is a big day for me. My ex and I have been broken up for two and a half weeks. There's been the odd random email from her and as said above she agreed to Skype when I asked. I realised that it was too soon for me to speak with her on skype when my friend asked me "how would you feel if on the call she told you she's falling in love with someone else". So, today I was brave and sent her this...

 

"I know it was my idea. But it's a mistake to Skype.

 

It's not the same for you, I was still in love, perhaps more so as I realised how much too late.

 

I've accepted it now, and Ive been putting my broken heart back together. I'm doing really well, I'm working towards goals, I'm feeling more confident and happy and proud of the changes I'm making. I'm in a better place.

 

I don't want to risk ing it all up and opening the wound talking to you again.

 

I'm just not ready.

 

Sorry"

 

Some time later I got this back from her...

 

"It's ok.

I understand.

It's not easy for me either.

You were filling a huge space in my heart/life for a long time.

I also need to learn to be alone.

Just wanted to see your progress..

 

 

Good luck!

 

Have a good day

 

Xx"

 

I have very mixed feelings now. Part of me feels proud of looking after myself. The other part is really sad as I think I'm finally giving up the last little bits of hope I had for us. I know hope was wrong, but it was a comfort blanket.

 

Anyway, I needed to vent, don't have huge amounts of people to talk about this with. Any encouragment welcome