I think it's over

[annajoy]

hi guys, I was hoping I could have your opinion/advice.

 

I've been dating someone for a few months. We are both in our late thirties. Everything started off really well, all that excitement and fun but day by day it all started fading. Meeting less, calling less and messaging less.

I needed to know what was going on and a few weeks ago we met up and he told me he had some personal problems in his life. I offered my support and tried to be understanding. He said he needed to be alone so I gave him space. Then days later we messaged each other and he said he's been thinking about me etc. This gave me hope that maybe he really does have some problems to sort out and that we will be fine.

 

A few more days passed with barely any contact and we have now not met for a week and a half. I think in the past 2 months we might have all in all met up 4-5 times. (surely its not normal to meet your gf/bf once a week at best?)

 

How can someone say they care about you and not want to hear from you for days. No matter how busy or stressed they are, surely if you care about someone and want them in your life then you will at least try to reassure them that you care and miss them and that things will get better. it takes seconds to send a quick message.

 

I guess I just don't understand why he doesn't break it off. If he doesn't want to be with me, then he could just say so.

 

During these past couple of times, I have not been the "nagging" girlfriend. I have given him his space and I have not messaged or called unless he has reached out to me.

 

We are due to meet soon (either at his place or somewhere out) and I am tempted to take his stuff with me and tell him that either he can take his stuff and we say our goodbyes or we can start over but he needs to make an effort if he wants me in his life. Is it wrong to pressure him with an ultimatum?

 

At the end of the day, I don't think its fair that he keeps me waiting at distance. I am loosing valuable time...

 

(maybe he hasn't broken up with me cause he is afraid of hurting me?)

[RedDress]

You say you've been dating "a few months". May I ask about how many? 3 or 4? Or more like 7 or 8? My expectations would be different depending on the length of the relationship.

 

Also, you said he had "personal problems". What kind of problems? Problems that would legitimately take up a lot of time and energy? Problems that are health-related where he just not be feeling well? Most importantly, do you know what the problems are or details about it? People who are emotionally available and want a relationship would likely want to keep you in the loop on these things/want your support (again, depending on the length of the relationship)

 

At the end of the day, trust your intuition. You don't sound clingy at all, so if you don't feel he's "all in" on the relationship, he's probably not.

[Michael19]

I feel you. I have been on the other end of that distance. Exactly the same scenario. She had been having stressful situations happen all at once and the last thing on her mind was me. I can't really offer great advice here but I know exactly how your feeling. I tried to be supportive and not be clingy. At this point like above trust that gut of yours. Communication is key in a relationship. I feel as if it was a real relationship then your partner should involve you. He is probably weighing out options. And yes it does take 5 seconds to reach out to you and say hello at least or check in. Hang in there.

[Knight2001]

do not do the ultimatum. ultimatums dont work.

by all means pack his stuff and have it in your car, but talk to him reasonably. if the outcome is not to move forward then you are prepared.