what should i do

[heyyjude]

I have been with my guy for 3 months and its been amazing. We have always been on the same page from the beginning and I havent felt insecure at all until very recently.

He has never been the greatest at phone communication, even from the very beginning, but I didnt think much about it because we saw each other very frequently and I knew that I could always count on, at minimum, his answering me back whenever I sent him a message or something.

The last few weeks both of us have been traveling, and not at the same time. He went away, then we had a week together before I went away, with another week together before he went away again.

While I was away, i felt as if I was the one pushing the conversations on, he didnt initiate at all but I assumed it was because I was the one on vacation and I would understand if he wanted to give me my space to enjoy myself and contact him when I had a minute.

He is now away visiting family. I expected the same, for him to reach out when he has a free minute because he is the one on vacation, but all he is doing is sending me snap chats.

When i send him a text, he very rarely answers which is so strange and not familiar to me with him because hes never done that before, but he will send me snap chats. When I tell him to call me, which i dont do very much because I dont want to come off as clingy, because im not, he does.

Additionally, he doesnt know when he will be coming back home, I am going away next week and he might not even be back when I get back home after the trip. Hes that kind of traveler, that never books a return flight home from the start and just plays it by ear. Im not against this at all, in fact i think its pretty cool. Im not that kind of person, and I would love to know when I will actually see him next but Im not annoyed with that part of his personality at all.

I guess my question is, what do I do when I need more communication from him because I am feeling insecure for the first time but I dont want to continuously message him without responses and feel stupid? Ive already sent something to show him im not happy right now and he has yet to reply and Im starting to feel the most insecure yet

[vesper]

Hes that kind of traveler, that never books a return flight home from the start and just plays it by ear. Im not against this at all, in fact i think its pretty cool. Im not that kind of person, and I would love to know when I will actually see him next

 

Yes, I know someone like that !!!!!!! lol

 

I guess my question is, what do I do when I need more communication from him because I am feeling insecure for the first time but I dont want to continuously message him without responses and feel stupid?

 

Face to face meetings are always better than texts emails phone calls etc. Just wait till you can have a face to face meeting with him and forget about social media, texting, calling, and emailing. Let him enjoy himself. There may be some miscommunication and its hard when you are long distance, just be patient and let him come to you with any updates about his plans. Are you picking up on a pattern with him of disconnecting/connecting and any other clues?

[heyyjude]

Ive just been noticing it during this trip that he isnt answering me when i text him and wont initiate himself either but will send me pictures and videos via snapchat

[vesper]

Don't worry! At least he is communication. Maybe he just has a preference on to which avenue he wants to talk to you.

[j.man]

I have to admit I'm very "out of sight, out of mind" when it comes to travel away from my partner. I don't mean that quite as literally as with other contexts, but while I definitely think about my lady during that time, there's really not much replacing the face-to-face interaction. If we're talking months at a time, then yeah, I'll generally try to work in a "Skype date" or two during the week. But, by and large, if we're talking my lady going to a conference somewhere or me traveling to visit folks for a couple weeks, we've always pretty much been about "See ya when you get back." We do happen to travel pretty regularly apart from one another, so it's good we click on that level.

 

That said, that doesn't have to be you. And if you are the type to prefer regular communication and, as you admit, he's the type to do the more free-spirited traveling routine, I'd put some serious consideration into whether he'd be compatible with you in the long-run.

[catfeeder]

Given only 12 weeks into dating, I'd be careful not to create a 'need' that's not necessary or helpful to you.

 

Sure, it's 'nice' to hear from someone on vacation, but it wasn't that long ago when friends, lovers and family felt thrilled by an occasional postcard from travelers--and that's IT--and BF has chosen his own electronic version of this. So I'd consider phone convo's during such an altered focus to be reserved for the married or heavily committed, and then you won't talk yourself into feeling ripped off. Long exits are for putting our own focus back to the places that held it well enough before you met the new lover, especially given that he's already demo'd that the methods of communication you view as bonding are reserved for him as a means to make plans and keep in touch about them, and little more.

 

New guy has made it clear up front that he's not going to be answerable or accountable for his choices away on his own, and you can either turn that into a heavy assessment of whether that means you're incompatible, OR, you can consider this new relationship on 'pause' while you move your focus back to productive avenues in your own life.

 

Neither choice is 'wrong,' but I wouldn't torture myself with an attempt to hover somewhere in the middle. As you've noticed, that's not a great place to be--and it won't buy you any satisfaction. Just the opposite--it will move you into demonstrations that are only likely to show new guy why he may need to elect the incompatibility decision for both of you.

 

Head high.