Step one..how to?

[Inspector]

So I had a heart to heart with my ex-girlfriend yesterday morning and we were able to talk things out pretty well. I am uneasy of what life is going to be like without her in it. I am not sure even how to begin this whole thing. I know what I have to do, but I am so full of Anxiety and fear of being alone that it cripples me. When someone is the main part of your life for so long how do you continue the course? The course was created with that person in mind and for the long haul and then BAM! the road ends. I really am just riddled with fear about this...

[Knight2001]

sorry, im confused - have you recently been dumped ?

[loip9114]

sorry, im confused - have you recently been dumped ?

 

Sounds like a mutual breakup to me. Not sure as well, the relationship did end right? You've decided together to be apart from each other?

[Inspector]

Yes, I have..I don't want the relationship to be over and she knows.

[ginaloribic]

OK Inspector, firstly I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I myself am in a very similar situation, maybe slightly farther on in time scale than you, I don't know. I have also potetially made some poor choices in that time also, but that's not what this thread is about. It's about you.

 

Someone gave me some very good advice the other day, which I am putting to good use. It seems to work for me, it may not for you, but I'll outline it anyway.

 

First thing, get a book, note pad or whatever and make a list. Not a big list of absolutely everything you need to do or sort out, as then it just looks like one big mass of issues that you'll never sort out. Every night, before you go to bed, make a small list of what you want to do, or achieve the next day. Start out with basic tasks. Get out of bed. Have a shower. Make myself breakfast. Go to work/school/college etc. Then each night, you can check off the list what you have done from the list. Try and complete your list each day, then you start to feel better about yourself. Run with this for a while until you start to feel better (which you will). Then start to add bigger, more substantial tasks to complete as time goes on.

 

Second tip, I imagine you have a lot of negative thoughts, feelings and emotions running round in your head? I know I did & still do now. Try writing them down. This can serve to get them out of your & (obviously) on to paper. Once you have done that, try to let what you have written stay on the page and not creep back in to your head. Then you should start to feel as though you're making progress. A few months down the line, you also have a reference you can look at and read to gauge how far you have came since you wrote them.

 

Things will seem pretty damn awful right now I know, but they will & do get better.

 

I hope this helps in some way.

[loip9114]

OK Inspector, firstly I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I myself am in a very similar situation, maybe slightly farther on in time scale than you, I don't know. I have also potetially made some poor choices in that time also, but that's not what this thread is about. It's about you.

 

Someone gave me some very good advice the other day, which I am putting to good use. It seems to work for me, it may not for you, but I'll outline it anyway.

 

First thing, get a book, note pad or whatever and make a list. Not a big list of absolutely everything you need to do or sort out, as then it just looks like one big mass of issues that you'll never sort out. Every night, before you go to bed, make a small list of what you want to do, or achieve the next day. Start out with basic tasks. Get out of bed. Have a shower. Make myself breakfast. Go to work/school/college etc. Then each night, you can check off the list what you have done from the list. Try and complete your list each day, then you start to feel better about yourself. Run with this for a while until you start to feel better (which you will). Then start to add bigger, more substantial tasks to complete as time goes on.

 

Second tip, I imagine you have a lot of negative thoughts, feelings and emotions running round in your head? I know I did & still do now. Try writing them down. This can serve to get them out of your & (obviously) on to paper. Once you have done that, try to let what you have written stay on the page and not creep back in to your head. Then you should start to feel as though you're making progress. A few months down the line, you also have a reference you can look at and read to gauge how far you have came since you wrote them.

 

Things will seem pretty damn awful right now I know, but they will & do get better.

 

I hope this helps in some way.

 

Yes, this advice is very solid. I did that myself as well and it really kept me from losing myself in the chaos. You're mind is working over-time and it is easy to lose yourself in the storm. By writing the thoughts down you can kind of get them out of your system. I would like to add, it is no problem to write the same thing again later down the road. This goes in cycles and with each cycle you'll feel better, and yeah this writing down also gives you some feedback in your progression. Which is a very good feeling to have.

Also the tasks thing is nice, it gives you something to hold onto and keep going. Try to make sure that at the start you have as little 'waiting' time as possible. During inaction your mind will start creeping up on you.

 

One more tip I would like to give you is try and get your own space. Do what you think is right for you. But make this all about you, you need your space to heal your feelings, thoughts and emotions. You need your time to get back up. Do not let anyone tell you 'just get over it' or 'just go out and f*** other people to get over it'. If something does not feel right for you, do not do it. Do what feels right for you. I see it as taking your own path at this point. Others can only give you advice, but you are the best person to judge whether that advice is helpfull or not.

 

And yeah, welcome to the forum. The people here are going through their breakups, all quite unique, so see it as a support system for advice from people in the same position. Some further down the timeline than others, so do not be scared to ask questions and spill your guts out.

[Inspector]

Thank you so much for this advice. I am so outside of my normal self right now. My gut is in knots and I can't stay focused on anything. I will use this advice..Thank you!