Feels like I'm a friend with benefit

[Toonarmyrule]

Me and girlfriend have been together for 10 plus years , we have twin daughters who are both 4. Since the children came along the sex has gone to once a month if that.

 

Recently I was holding my girlfriends phone and in the background there was a pop up link from a porn site , this led me to check history and she had been looking at lesbian porn. I told her that this turned me on and we should watch this together. Her response was no and she pushed me away

 

We never kiss in morning as she says I have bad breath , we never kiss full stop actually. When we do have sex I will spend 30 mins until she is satisfied. When we have sex this is very quick as I must have the world record for how long it takes for me. She hasn't went down on me for more then a year and when I brung this up she dodged the question.

 

It feels like that she doesn't love me anymore and has fell out of love with me now she has her girls so feels like friends with benefits

 

On top of this because of my insecurities I've since checked her phone and she confirmed to her sister that she closes her eyes during sex as I'm not sex on legs.

 

I really don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice on how to approach this with my girlfriend.

[DanZee]

Well, you never married her. You never made a commitment to her. She's probably tired of the situation. Has she brought this up to you? You don't say what kind of person you are. Do you work? Are you taking care of her and the kids? Do you do anything for her? Do you have a girlfriend? Does she think you have a girlfriend? You're going to have to open up a lot more if you want an answer other than this kind of a response. The folks here can be pretty critical here. Let us know more about you and your relationship other than the sex part.

[Toonarmyrule]

Well, you never married her. You never made a commitment to her. She's probably tired of the situation. Has she brought this up to you? You don't say what kind of person you are. Do you work? Are you taking care of her and the kids? Do you do anything for her? Do you have a girlfriend? Does she think you have a girlfriend? You're going to have to open up a lot more if you want an answer other than this kind of a response. The folks here can be pretty critical here. Let us know more about you and your relationship other than the sex part.

 

Ok , I work and my girlfriend is on benefits as she is classed as partially sighted. We would be married but money is an issue and more important things have came up like having kids , moving home and getting a mortgage on one income. The kids didn't come easy as we had IVF and tried for 4 years and once she was pregnant we got TTTS so didn't have an easy ride for the full 36 weeks

 

I do everything for my family and work hard to try to provide. As I'm being honest the girls go to bed very late I'm talking 9:30 - 10:00 so she goes straight to bed. I don't know what else to say. This is my first time posting I'm used to giving mortgage advice not talking about my feelings

[Knight2001]

hi,

have you tried having a sit down discussion with your girlfriend?

tell her what your concerns are and ask her what hers are. you might discover things you both didnt know.

otherwise this could spiral out of control as my relationshp did and next thing you know it's finshed.

try not to throw away 10 yrs plus without a fight.

good luck

[MissCanuck]

*brought*, not *brung* ...Sorry, grammar teacher here!

 

Now that my inner grammarian is soothed - does she want to marry? If so, you can do that at your local courthouse for a small fee. You don't need to have a huge stash of savings to make her your wife, if that's what you both want. A big wedding might not be feasible, but getting married surely is.

 

Have you changed much physically in the time you've been together? Any significant weight gain, for example? I know people are very sensitive about this, but it can affect someone's level of attraction to their partner. Her saying she closes her eyes during sex is not good. Her attraction level has definitely dropped, though it might have nothing to do with your physical appearance.

 

How old are you both? Did she have much dating/sexual experience prior to you? Any chance she actually prefers women to men? Her looking at lesbian porn might just be your usual fantasy-type indulgence, but it could potentially signal that she wants to explore that side of herself as well.

[Toonarmyrule]

Thanks for all your help we have talked and she says the comment was a joke for her sisters benifit and this wasn't meant. We have talked about being more close and will both make more of an effort when the kids are finally in bed. She says she closes her eyes to enjoy the sensation more.