Need Advice, Ex GF of 3 years!

[Cchance11]

Me and my ex met when we were 18. Things started off wonderful. I was full of surprises and fun dates and always made her feel special. I was happy with everything in my life and it made me portray confidence and attraction. This lasted 2 years and I went off to college and nothing was affected by this. It has only been recently, this past 3 months were I have become complacent, lazy, and comfortable in our relationship and began to take her for granted.

 

She had always surprised me and gave me little gifts here and there and was the one to initiate most conversations. I adored her but did not do a great job to display it. On may 3, our three year anniversary, I told her I was low on money from being at school. She said that me coming home and hanging out with her would be plenty. I stupidly took that to heart... and did not get anything but mentioned the aquarium which she said was too expensive. She would become hurt by this and I said I'd make it up to her. I never did.

 

I began a lazy phase after my semester and she would ask to go walk on the local boardwalk or something as simple as getting ice cream and I would say no, that it wasn't necessary. She would always reply that it's okay but now I know this had built up. I always did things my way and now I see why she ended up feeling the way she does now.

 

She went on a trip with girlfriends and asked for a break between us which I replied," ok I completely understand and I hope you enjoy your trip." Two days later she text me saying she will see me when she comes back. I saw my initials were taken out of her social media and texted, "if you're breaking up with me just do it now and save the drama"

 

She did break it off and said she was tired of paying for everything, me talking down to her (one instance that was recent due to birth control scare before her trip, I did get upset to her), and that I did everything my way. She also said me not fighting for her when she asked for a break showed her decision was justified.

 

I was in denial for a day and then it hit me all at once. REGRET. REMORSE. I felt totally responsible and called her several times, left voicemails of me apologizing, crying, begging for a chance. " I'll change, I see what I did wrong". Her only response was that it shouldn't take a break or a breakup for me to realize it. I agreed and told her this is the eye opener I needed.

 

I showed up to her house upon her arrival from work after a night shift with flowers. I approached her in the driveway and she locked her door. It wasn't until I cried she rolled down the window and I said "I don't understand, you are acting like I cheated or did something unforgiveable" she let me in the car and I calmed down and let her know things won't be my way ever again.

 

She didn't say a word and looked off in the distance **** and I left to go back home. On July 4th I received a Snapchat of her cat eating her food and I replied with a picture of me and her cat. She said "Hi" I said hi back and that I wish I was with her at the fireworks that night. She said,"stop, if this is going to work in the future I need my space" I said absolutely, okay. She erased me on Snapchat after and I panicked in tears to my room. I chain texted her about how she would have been over tonight, how I'm alone in my room unhappy. Not 30 minutes from telling me she needs space to this she calls saying, "I have no interest in getting back together, you need to move on" I was then blocked from her phone.

 

I got desperate again and facebooked her coworker I have met to try to get him to reason to her to contact me. She called that morning and said, "do not contact my coworkers, goddammit I didn't want them to know" ?!?!?! I was then blocked on Facebook and have left her alone since. It's 3 weeks NC and she has unblocked me on Facebook 2 weeks ago as well.

 

Funny thing is that she still wanted to come over my house before the trip with girlfriends, we still had fun alone and she texted me that she wanted to see me and loved me. She still likes posts from my family, and her twitter is full of relationship retweets that I suspect to be about me although most are negative. She occasionally will post things that make me think she is suffering too like "Irritated." "100% alone" "I'm no good for me" I have uninstalled my social medias for the past week and am using NC to heal myself after seeing she posts selfies on instagram and speculating her twitter. I am now off the grid.

 

What can I do to optimize my chances of getting her back after good NC period where I work on never taking her for granted again.

 

"You don't realize what you have until it is gone"

[kbbcoop77]

Work on yourself and leave her alone. If she comes back she will but it's not likely. Going to her coworkers and badgering her had a negative effect, but chances are she felt relief after the breakup and wants to explore other options. How old are you two now? Better to not be tied down so young.

[Cchance11]

She will be 22 soon and I am 21. I know she still has feelings for me for sure. Could space and time lead her to miss me and all that we had before I got complacent?

[vesper]

Yes definitely space and time

[MissCanuck]

Are you sure this isn't just your ego talking?

 

I ask because it doesn't seem you were all that into her anymore, which is what led her to break it off with you in the first place. You admit you didn't put in much effort - ask yourself why that was, really. Being complacent is one thing, but having lost interest in the relationship is something else. Take this time and really reflect on which of the two was really going on before the break-up.

 

I agree that going to her coworker was extremely inappropriate and painted you in an even more negative light. Your chances would have been much better if you hadn't over-stepped that boundary. She will remember that, and so will the coworkers who surely heard all about it. While she might be willing to overlook it in the future, she will also have to put up with them likely teasing her for having that "crazy ex." Believe me, I've seen this happen. No wonder she was upset, man. That would have embarrassed the crap out of me, and work is not where you want your personal dramas showing up.

 

In any event, yes, time and space are definitely in order here now. You need to let the dust settle and the negativity dissipate. Tempers are flaring and it's not the time to push. There's no guarantee she'll be back, but if you want to have even a slight chance, leave her alone now. You can apologize for your behaviour, let her know you would love another chance to show her what she really means to you, and then leave it at that. Show her your mature side.

[Knight2001]

leave her to it and concentrate on yourself.

block her on facebook and go NC.

dont let this drag on any longer

[cococly]

Don't stress about Facebook or any forms of social media.

 

I just hide her on my news feed, and try not to access social media.