Can we be more; what do I do?

[Shockscream]

I seriously hope this is in the right place. Anyways:

 

I (M28 ) met a woman (33) online a little over three months ago. We have talked and talked -- every day since then with one exception -- and we've met twice. During this time she has left her husband after being deeply unhappy for a long time.

 

Initially our relationship was simply fun. I admit there was a mild sexual component but it was talk. I knew she was beginning to feel something. I felt some of it too but I was afraid and I pushed it aside. I've never been good at feelings or telling people when I like them. I buried it. And I made the mistake of telling her to enjoy herself on a date with another man.

 

She did.

 

She has confessed feelings for me. On planning to meet up again she confessed that she'd need to not indulge in those feelings for me because of this other man. In that moment I had the crashing realisation of my depth of feeling for her. And now I'm told that it's too late.

 

I need to know if we can be more. I've not experienced this in a long time. I am terrified of it all. I'm terrified that if I keep pushing and fighting it'll just mean she leaves completely. I can't not know this woman. I've not let anyone in the way I have her in almost a decade. She means a lot. More than I realised. More than I should allow.

 

She tells me the distance between us would make it hard. She's right but I know we could make it work. And then there's the other person. I don't doubt her feelings there.

 

I've lived a controlled and ordered life. One of logic and rationality and realism. She tells me I should apply those now. I don't think feelings are logical. And I don't think I can go back to living like that.

 

I simply don't know what to do. And thus I'm asking anonymous strangers on the Internet for advice. So do you have any?

[figureitout23]

This may be a case of wanting what you can't have and falling for the idea of someone.

 

 

She left a marriage which im assuming means she was still married when you originally began to talk then when she ended it, instead of pursuing things with her more aggressively, you 'allowed' ( I say allowed not as in you let her, I'm not insinuating you control her) her to go out with another man, she connected with him, and now you're back to square one.

 

What kind of distance are we talking?

If you've only met twice in 3 months and you 'allowed' her to pursue another man I'm going to assume it's a ways. Am I right?

[Shockscream]

It's about 100 miles. About a 2 hour journey.

[DancingFool]

It's about 100 miles. About a 2 hour journey.

 

That hardly counts as distance. I'm afraid that you've gotten swept up in a bit of online fantasy with a woman who is not dating or relationship material. You say that she has left her husband....do you even know this for a fact or would the husband be shocked to find out she is "gone" and even more surprised to find out she is cheating? Either way, until she goes through with the divorce, heals, etc., she is not dating material or someone you should be involved with. Address your own issues and seek someone who is in a healthy place in life and ready to make a good partner for you.

[figureitout23]

That hardly counts as distance. I'm afraid that you've gotten swept up in a bit of online fantasy with a woman who is not dating or relationship material. You say that she has left her husband....do you even know this for a fact or would the husband be shocked to find out she is "gone" and even more surprised to find out she is cheating? Either way, until she goes through with the divorce, heals, etc., she is not dating material or someone you should be involved with. Address your own issues and seek someone who is in a healthy place in life and ready to make a good partner for you.

 

Agree. it seems you fell for the idea of her and 'unavailability' of her and the more unavailable she becomes the more you want her. You deserve better than that and it may benefit seeing someone to figure out why youre pursuing situations such as this one.