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Losing intreast, do teenage relationships really have no chance?


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Hey, I'm a 15 year old, and recently I've been talking to this 16 year old girl who I played my cards right and got her intreasted in me

 

Really I'm not attractive one bit physically, I needed to enhance my charm/charisma and attractive personality, fun and playfully teasing, caring, venting, trusting, etc, to fit how I act and it wasn't easy figuring out these things, when I did however, after a long time, my results were clear, I could see that I had finally been able to attract someone fully who was infatuated with me, or so the story should have gone..

 

You see, this actually worked perfectly at start, she was fully intreasted in me (I'm not going to lie, since not many girls find me attractive off the ball pit like those natrually attractive guys, I'm just going after whatever girl I can get, not the popular,not the beautiful but the one who no one's going after)

 

So after playing my cards right and reaching full attraction to her and I started to grow a bond with, it went on for 2 weeks daily when we messaged each other, until the one day when both I and her were tired of each other's company and started talking like friends do, very informally and no intreast was involved

 

To both of us, messaging daily was like a chore now, we needed to do it so we wouldn't feel guilt for not caring or something similar to that

 

I'm not sure what to do anymore, all my attitude and playful flirt is having no effect on her

 

And alas comes down the question after I realized that it was from the very start and in our hormones to be immature to relationships and lack dedication, easily breaking teenage relationships

 

But do I really want to fall away from this? This is one of the only times I've gotten ahold of someone who is fully intreasted in me, I know how it's going to end, can I stop it? What can I do?

 

I'm clueless and confused, it's like our brains were designed to lose intreast after a while, I've gone up to the level of nicknames and cute text messages about each other but I can't take it further since it is very clear I'll come off as desperate considering the losing intreast scenario

 

Problem isn't me losing intreast in her, it's the other way around

 

I can't get around not texting daily since she always messages me out of thought as I said before because it's a routine and we're supposed to "love" doing it so she'd easily feel guilty for not messaging me, hence messaging me daily despite her losing intreast in me as attractive and more as a friend

 

What do you think I should do?

Edited by Cyrus8088
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Hey there, OP, a couple of questions before I address yours:

 

How did you meet her?

 

You don't mention anything but messaging, so I am curious if you two have actually gone out together?

 

You're right, I didn't

It's because the one time we did go out together (One of the essential traits I lack is confidence) so the coffee shop on sunday and the Movie theater on Saturday were a disaster, we didn't speak much at all, and if we did, it wouldn't be formal, it would be just general talking as your local best buddy

 

All my charisma,attitude and Flirting drops at these scenarios since every single one of them requires a good deal of confidence, any ideas to help me boost that aswell?

 

As for where I met her, was at the most hardest place to get to know someone, the Library, I spoke to her quietly and somehow the calm atmostphere played a very good factor in slightly increasing my confidence over time to a level where I could atleast get her number haha

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Slow your roll... Relax.. calm down... slow down.. stay in your lane.

 

You are infactuated. You see wedding bells and kids and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Here is reality..

 

In the next 10 years you are going to change, and she is going to change also. She will evolve and grow and what she likes now, she might not like in the future. You are 15 which means you are still discovering who you are and your life is currently in a small fish bowl. You still live at home, you dont even drive yet. With every new year means your world will expand just a little bit more an so will hers. And being 16 and a female she is going to change her mind about 3 trillion times a month and you might not be what she likes anymore.

 

You two are still young and changing. You are way too stressed about finding someone to marry now. Just slow down.

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I'd do anything to be part of the "Rare" minority

Any advice?

 

May I ask why? I mean that as a serious question. Why do you want to nail this all down now? Do you feel this is the one and only shot you'll ever have? Because I can just about promise you, it's not.

 

I am also curious why you mention that the conversation between you and this girl on those two dates wasn't formal, but buddy-like. That is usually considered a good thing. Being formal would be awkward.

 

You ask how to boost your confidence. Start by doing this: name three traits/skills/features you like about yourself.

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Slow your roll... Relax.. calm down... slow down.. stay in your lane.

 

You are infactuated. You see wedding bells and kids and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Here is reality..

 

In the next 10 years you are going to change, and she is going to change also. She will evolve and grow and what she likes now, she might not like in the future. You are 15 which means you are still discovering who you are and your life is currently in a small fish bowl. You still live at home, you dont even drive yet. With every new year means your world will expand just a little bit more an so will hers. And being 16 and a female she is going to change her mind about 3 trillion times a month and you might not be what she likes anymore.

 

You two are still young and changing. You are way too stressed about finding someone to marry now. Just slow down.

 

I feel like I threw a wrong message when I replied to the other fellow, no, marriages and kids are just part of a long term relationship, not what I'm after specifically, just her

 

I'll break it down, I know I'm going to change that's why I asked if there was any chance of this relationship still striving?

Teenagers aren't mature in the least bit and are developing constantly with new mindsets and maturity, decision taking and full on the emotional state

 

I'm just here, along the ride which I am fully aware of where it will go, wondering if I could ever dedicate this relationship to the very end

 

I'm confident when I say, life partner as a whole

 

No, I'm not day dreaming about silly memories of us in the future, just that I want to be with her for as long as I can

 

But it's like a inevitable fate that we WILL be pushed away

 

College comes in, I'll be busy with my Animation degree for the semesters, I won't have time for looking for a life partner

 

Aside that, there's the un predictable course of my life just labeled as "work"

 

What am I waiting for? Just to see myself unravel into the future I so clearly see and cooperate with to be true

 

I also am fully aware she will experience growth and changes in her mind developing her as a individual, and it is very likely she will lose intreast but I'm willing to learn and keep the relationship stable as hard as I can with all the factors needed to play them in with

 

Everything related to love and attraction

 

And to be the most careful to not cross the line of desperation for it is when everything will slowly fall apart

 

Tell me, if I truely try my hardest at this, even while we grow tremendously mentally and have drastic mindset changes, will I still be able to hold on?

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I'm confident when I say, life partner as a whole

 

No, I'm not day dreaming about silly memories of us in the future, just that I want to be with her for as long as I can

Well, I chose a "life partner" at 22. I consider that far too young and regret it. I would never suggest it to anyone, let alone a 15 year old. Chances are you will feel like you "lost" your 20's (a time associated with finding oneself and experimentation) as well as the fact that you and your partner will be, almost, completely different people from where you are now, once you approach middle age. This adds to extreme uncertainty in terms of future compatibility. As far as marriage goes, well, this graph says it all:

 

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Tell me, if I truely try my hardest at this, even while we grow tremendously mentally and have drastic mindset changes, will I still be able to hold on?

 

Hold on to her? If that's what you are asking, the answer is most likely no. That's not a bad thing at all, tho it may seem like it is. You and she and everyone else you know in your age group with go thru the same things as you get older, mature, learn about yourself and life in general, get your education, travel, experience things, get a job etc ad nauseum. It's just how life works. Everything as a teen is so intense and often overly dramatic because you are so young and learning and expanding your mind every day. All good things, really.

 

If you are lucky, this girl will remain a friend for a long time, even if she's not your lover or steady girlfriend. Being a friend is a good thing. If you can save all of these convos for the next 5+ years somewhere safe and go look at them when you are in your 20s you will see what we are telling you. You'll find you are a different guy at 20+ yrs old than you are today. All good stuff, once again.

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Well, at your age, you first have to learn how to date. And that's what these early dates are about, learning how to date, learning how to treat girls, and figuring out how you have to act. I remember my first girlfriend telling me it was obvious I hadn't dated before. To this day, I don't know what I was doing wrong but she knew immediately there was something I should have been doing that I was not doing for her. Your girlfriend you're going out with when you're 19 will appreciate what your earlier girlfriends have taught you.

 

For your question, you said your real-life date was a disaster, so if there's no hope of a real-life romance, why should she (and you) continue to text? The whole point of texting is to lead to a real date. Plus there's never anything guaranteed. You might like a girl. She may not like you. You can try to force yourself on someone, but it won't work out. But I think you learned that you can ask any girl out on a date. Some might accept, and you can see where it goes from there. At your age, take it casually. Hopefully, you'll be able to win the girl you really want one day.

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So there isn't any hope is there? even so, I understand everything everyone said about changing and finding myself different, I know that, I'm fully self aware and I know that I'll look back at myself very differently

 

I know I'll learn from my experiences with flirting and talking, that's what it's been about this entire time, how do you think I was able to do this in the first place? A lot of failure, mediocre but not strong and now this

 

But even so I will try my hardest for this relationship to be fresh every month, filled with honesty, time apart, and grown a close bond that is hard to break, everything involved for it to survive while the extreme changes approach us withering down the relationship like a storm

 

I'm not giving up so fast on her, I'll do everything in my ability for this to last, even if it's to boost my confidence, I'd find some way to do that

 

Thank you anyway

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I suppose I am just confused why you're so insistent on making this work. You yourself said the first two dates didn't go well and that you're bored of texting each other. Doesn't seem like a great match, really, and could potentially cause you pain if she decides to go out with someone else. But, if you're still up for it, why not ask her out again? Texting all the time does get tedious. Spending time together in person is where relationships are really built.

 

But you also need to keep in mind that even if you implement all the dating rules/strategies in the world, the other person has to want it too. That's the risk element of dating. Most of us go through a few partners before we find someone who's really a fit, and nearly none of us find that person as a teen. Sometimes they don't want us, and sometimes we don't want them.

 

Don't let this one girl become the be-all and end-all of your self-perception and love life. You need to relax, have fun, and not focus so much on the outcome. She shouldn't be the measuring stick of your self-esteem and confidence. Confidence doesn't mean the outcome is always perfect; it means you can still handle yourself even if the results are not what you wanted. You have to go into this knowing that even if she loses interest, you will still have plenty of opportunity to find your happiness with another girl.

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I'd do anything to be part of the "Rare" minority

Any advice?

It's not about you personally. It's about you finding the right person an at the right time. That means finishing your education, holding a stable job, and moving out from your parents. And like people said, you both are going to change eventually.

 

And lately there have been many threads here in the last few months about couples dating/being married to people they've known since high school and they want OUT.

 

So just chill out and enjoy the relationship. Gain the experience of dating. If it doesn't work out, you have the experience to try again. You got plenty of time to explore yourself.

 

Well, I chose a "life partner" at 22. I consider that far too young and regret it. I would never suggest it to anyone

... I dated my husband at 19 years old. We have been together for over a decade and are happily married. No regrets. For someone people it works.

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It's not about you personally. It's about you finding the right person an at the right time. That means finishing your education, holding a stable job, and moving out from your parents. And like people said, you both are going to change eventually.

 

And lately there have been many threads here in the last few months about couples dating/being married to people they've known since high school and they want OUT.

 

So just chill out and enjoy the relationship. Gain the experience of dating. If it doesn't work out, you have the experience to try again. You got plenty of time to explore yourself.

 

 

... I dated my husband at 19 years old. We have been together for over a decade and are happily married. No regrets. For someone people it works.

 

I'm so glad to hear there is even the slightest light of hope, and I feel I haven't spoken much about her for showing an example of the situation

 

She's 16, a very open and careless individual

 

She loves attention and always speaks politely, picks up on my hints and reflects them back, very understanding and trustworthy towards me

 

If she has any problems she deals with, I'm the first person she asks

 

We care about each other in the bond that grew deeply very quickly

 

It's been approximately 3 weeks now after yesterday's post was 2 weeks and 6 days

 

I'll ask her out again but I'm aware there is no "try"

I'll muster up confidence and give it my all, to make it enjoyable for her and her time

 

It's more about her than me, if it's just more dates to keep it stronger for both of us, I'll do it easily

 

I'm blinded by determination in the case of commitment in this relationship, that's two different feelings, just one pushing the other heavily

 

And I'll try to be laid back about this aswell according to your advice, because that's the only way it can be enjoyable for both of us

 

And as you said, if it doesn't work out, I'm fine with that, I'll move onto another one, perhaps someone who's the same or even better than her

 

But it's the same with the future if that happens, I have the feeling that if I don't try my very hardest there's no chance of me and the other individual to have a strong bond

 

So even after this relationship which might break after this future date, I'll keep trying my hardest to hold things together and make it as enjoyable, a strong attraction between both of us

 

I'm looking for a serious dedicated relationship I know I'm asking too much, but it's not something I'm taking lightlt either

 

Thank you for your wonderful advice

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... I dated my husband at 19 years old. We have been together for over a decade and are happily married. No regrets. For someone people it works.

I've been married for 23 years. Base on what you've said you're what? 29? How can you mourn the loss of your 20s when you're still in them or barely out of them? Major life-choice reflection doesn't typically occur until time is running out (middle age), and is a pretty significant factor for the spate of people holding off for divorce until the kids are out of the house. I'm not saying this will happen to you. I'm just saying what I'm talking about doesn't typically happen at that life stage. Divorce in late 20's/early 30's (median duration of 8 years for first marriages that end in divorce - you made it past that, yay) and divorce in middle age are usually for vastly different reasons.

Edited by Unreasonable
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  • 3 months later...

Update: Despite of whatever you all said, the relationship between us is relatively stable even up till now. Either it be good or bad, I just wanted to prove to you all that it's possible, I CAN have a stable relationship, even if I was a teenager.

 

I crossed my doubts and now I am sure, my manner of thinking isn't to "give her the best affection" but to keep her attracted by keeping both my personality, aspects of it and confidence straight in line.

 

Infact I do the very opposite of showering her with affection, I'm mindless to her but still act towards her in a careless attitude without desperation

 

And with all those factors combined she's fully infatuated with me. I'm not meaning to brag since it is completely normal to have full filled and strong relationships but coming to this point where she clings onto me with her life and anything more precious is pointless and also would do anything for me, I've come to realize that it doesn't matter what you all think or have experienced. I know my way around what a person wants, what they don't want, what annoys them and how to prevent them from losing interest

 

Something I doubt some of you bothered to look at as it is essential to have if you want such a reaction in your relationships

 

I'm going to spend my life with her for as long as I can, and I will.

There's always an answer to a question and there's always a way out of any situation, enter their mind, no matter the age, you just have to look for it.

 

Thanks and regards.

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You burned too hot too fast. Social media and texting makes this way too easy. It wouldn't be a chore if it never was excessive in the first place. That's not really teenage specific. It's also not teenage specific to fall out infatuation phase, that happens with most all relationships, but if you burned too hot too fast, it can end before you have fully bonded, which makes infatuation not really important.

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You burned too hot too fast. Social media and texting makes this way too easy. It wouldn't be a chore if it never was excessive in the first place. That's not really teenage specific. It's also not teenage specific to fall out infatuation phase, that happens with most all relationships, but if you burned too hot too fast, it can end before you have fully bonded, which makes infatuation not really important.

 

I completely understand what you're trying to say, and it seems I forgot to mention that

 

I'm not overdoing anything, we've spent tons of time apart (Mainly because of me knowing whatever you just said)

 

These breaks always fuel the relationship between us and the bond grows increasingly

 

I'm still relatively (as childish as it may sound) mysterious to her and always keep things vague in whatever details my life contains but despite of that I know more about her than she knows of me, she's fed me her entire life related details and all the information about herself to a point where I feek guilty for being too vague but also realizing that I need to do that inorder to keep this relationship stable

 

Burning hot too fast will end, yes.

But have you ever wondered, what if you could extend infatuation timings? What if you can keep things from becoming stale and still get that reaction?

 

I've used this sense of nostalgia, unknown feeling, fresh takes and lost in the smallest of worldly desires to extend it as far as possible

 

Because this reaction of hers I described to you lasted for months.

However it is inevitable that I will run out of these easy tricks but I shall see what I can do inorder to keep her interested as long as i can in the future

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My parents met at 15 married at 18 but they were divorced by the time they were 24/25. The human brain is not actually adult until you are around 25 .

 

I met my husband when I was 22 and he was 20 . ( we married when he was 24 and I was 27 )I've been married almost 24 years and been together about 29 years. But I think we are the pretty rare exception .

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My neighbors met in their early teens and have built a successful family with tons of kids and careers and friends and family and they have been married over 20 years. My friend just told me he thinks the husband may be gay. So now I dont what to make of that... maybe he is bi and they have sorted all that, and thats why they make such a great marriage - friends, love, and solution-oriented.

 

Life throws many curve balls. Self respect will help you find and retain a stable relationship at any age.

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