Lost my girl to travelling

[Sonictitan]

Hi all,

 

I'm brand new to all this but i needed to reach out to someone. Basically my girlfriend went travelling 6 months ago and we were really solid before she left so said lets stay together. Our relationship was the best i ever had so i was happy to do long distance for six months. Everything was great during the first three months, so much so she said that she wanted to take things to the next level when she got home and that we were the best couple in the world because we dealt so well with this long distance stuff. Things were going so well that she even paid for a flight to Vietnam on her credit card so i could go see her. Anyway suddenly things change. And she say to me that she wants to do more travelling in the future and she stopped talking of our future so much. This panicked me but i thought well hang in there as it could just be text. Things started playing on my mind, Facebook pictures got more suspect and she stopped even texting as much. I finally got to talk to her and she was cold and hungover and said that she'd been partying for days, she sounded vile tbh. She also completely forgot i how long it was till i was due to come out. This made me feel so sad and angry as she knew i'd been working overtime to pay the flights back she bought and how much I love her. Finally i cracked and we had a skype. It actually wasn't too bad funnily enough, i said i knew she wanted to end things so she could travel more and even after all the she put me through i said i love you and i want the best for you so go for it, she broked down, she looked destroyed. She said she'd changed and didn't want to come home or get married or have children anymore and she was so sorry. I said don't feel bad move on but we must have no contact. She said she'd send me the money back and she did. Other things were said like thank you all you done for me but we have drifted apart. Its been 4 weeks i have no idea what she is doing. I miss her madly but i have cracked on went on holiday with the money put on a sold out one day festival and generally just tried my hardest to stay strong. But inside i'm dying. I don't really know what happened to her but she wants to quit her job too and sell her house so it seems pretty much she has completely changed. She's 34 btw so this is a big change for her. I just need some help getting over the paranioa of what went wrong its killing me. Any help would be great!

[Pleasedonot5]

It may just be a phase. Allow her to have the space to go through what she needs to go through and to get it out of her system. Eventually, people tend to settle down -- maybe all that talk about kids and marriage got her thinking too much and that frightened her.

 

So, again, let her have her space to experience what she needs to experience. If she comes back, let her do so on her own terms. This is tough, but you're not alone, and we're rootin' for ya.

[Keyman]

As a long term traveller myself, I backpacked for five years around the world and am on a break before heading out again, I know how she is feeling. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing.

 

It is all about looking at the world we live in and seeing how different it looks from the outside. When all we know is the society that we live in, we follow along like cattle along well travelled paths into the future, almost like we have no choice and it is all programmed. However, if we were to step out of society and go understand and live in other cultures, you can often come to understand that there is more out there in the world that just this life of meet someone, get married, buy a house, have children, retire and die.

 

Once you get out into the wilderness, you often don't want to come back. You change in your head and often people back home think you have gone crazy, but in reality, you have just evolved into a more fluid thinker, you've grown in yourself and become a person of the world and not just the place where you were.

 

I know this is hard, but I think you did well in wishing her the best. She may one day come back, but no doubt she will be looking to the next places she can travel. Thus is life as a nomad.

[DancingFool]

Nothing went wrong. The desire to travel and live differently was in her all along and it would have come out sooner or later. It's incredibly good of you to wish her well and let her go and it is the right thing to do in this case for the both of you even if it hurts. Her travels simply confirmed for her what she has known and been craving all along - that the nomadic lifestyle and different places suit her better and that's that. Some people are like that and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

She might have been a great part of your life, but now it's time to let it go and put it behind you. Keep it as a warm memory of a wonderful person that was a part of your life briefly, but that's all. She can't be who you need her to be or give you what you want. Different lifestyles, different lives.

[Sonictitan]

Thank you all so so much. Do you know the funny thing is about all this, the reason why i couldn't travel is because I'm trying to get my band signed so i can tour and so yes the marriage children thing wouldn't have worked anyway. basically a year before she met me she was in a job for ten years with the same man and house, then cheated on her. Since we were together so much good came of it for both of us and look where she is now and my band is very close to getting signed. We taught each other so much and i'm so grateful, just have to get through the heartbreak. I know it wasn't easy for either. But god i miss her, never had such a great relationship and she taught me to love again...

[Mari]

Thank you all so so much. Do you know the funny thing is about all this, the reason why i couldn't travel is because I'm trying to get my band signed so i can tour and so yes the marriage children thing wouldn't have worked anyway. basically a year before she met me she was in a job for ten years with the same man and house, then cheated on her. Since we were together so much good came of it for both of us and look where she is now and my band is very close to getting signed. We taught each other so much and i'm so grateful, just have to get through the heartbreak. I know it wasn't easy for either. But god i miss her, never had such a great relationship and she taught me to love again...

 

Just out of curiosity, it is just travel right? She's not on drugs from all this partying and now she's selling her house and quitting because she now has a pimp with drugs or something right? The change is too sudden for me, so is the crying and the whole quitting and selling the house. Drugs can create such a quick change. When you last talked to her she looked emotionally destroyed right, not destroyed in health?

[Sonictitan]

There's a lot of stuff which I'm a bit unsure of but I do think she does just want to carry on living a nomadic life. She's a good girl and I have wished her all the best. So if there is something odd out there well I hope she's just safe. She was a little all over the show yes when we spoke last but what more can I do but send her my love..