pochoko Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 We've been together nearly a year. We've been through a fair bit. I suffered a trauma when I was working overseas, which involved physical/sexual/emotional abuse by an ex-partner which resulted in hospitalization and police involvement. I had trauma-related episodes following my return home, and despite trying to maintain normality I was struggling. My partner pursued me despite me telling him I was not in a great place but in all fairness, we have had a good relationship. I'm due to return to study in September; I'm 22. He's 33, used to be a very highly-paid and successful chef but is someone who struggles with his personal identity and career. He's been working for his father since I've known him; seems to live in fantasy land in regards to work and prospects more often than not, and has not achieved what he has wanted to. It has led to a great deal of frustration on my part trying to provide him with direction, etc... and as a result it is now a raw subject for me. He is getting himself together but it is sometimes exhausting to watch/listen to. He is making progress but I've run out of steam, really. My reason for writing is this; I love my partner but recently I feel distanced from him. I am a year on from a serious trauma, just about to go study and I am scared. Really scared. I want to do well and move on with my life. The pressure of that combined with the pressure of his lack of stability makes me not really feel like being intimate. I am trying but I view sex and men with some difficult at the moment due to what happened. My sex drive has waned. He complains in quiet ways. He claims to not have a problem with it, but will say snide things like "you just don't get turned on by me any more" or turning every hug or kiss into a chance to have it off. We have sex about once or twice every 10 days. I have also gained weight despite gym, and I attribute it to my efforts with dieting which are frequently thwarted by his insistence on buying junk food. It's difficult to constantly refuse or deny when someone is stuffing their face in front of you...I told him I am not feeling very sexy for physical and emotional reasons and I will try, but I honestly don't feel like being intimate. Link to comment
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