Best Friend

[Wolverineluke]

My best friend since I was 5 moved to Kentucky for Dental School. He has been dating his girlfriend for around 6 years now. Him and I went to the same college, roomed together the entire time, always played sports together, and he helped me through many life events. Recently I noticed I haven't heard from him as much, and when we would talk, it would be very brief.

 

I went on a road trip and planned on staying a night with him and his girlfriend (they had ok'd it previously) at their place and to catch up. About a week before I left, he texted me saying he wasn't going to have time to visit or have me stay the night. I told him my friend (who was coming along for the trip) and I would explore the city during the daytime and let them study and then just come back for the night. He ended the convo with 'it's not going to work out for us'. I haven't seen them in almost a year, and it's very unlike him to bail last minute like that. Since then, I have seen that they have done a lot of traveling, hanging out with other couples/friends, etc.

 

I am confused as what to do. I texted him a couple weeks ago asking if he and I were good, and he never even responded....

 

What do I do? Is this just a case of growing apart? Should I confront him?

 

He's like a brother to me, I wouldn't want to lose him from my life. But at the same time, it's irritating to even think about...

[melancholy123]

I am truly sorry this has happened to you, and it has happened to me and many other people. We often grow apart from others as we grow and mature and move on in our careers and life. Your friend moving away probably is another one who this has happened to. We drift apart without meaning to, it seems to be a part of the growing up process. There may well be nothing you can do about it. You reached out to him and he didnt respond. It's sad, but he has a new life and, unfortunately, you aren't in it.

[DanZee]

His girlfriend is probably jealous of you. My wife one time met an old girlfriend of mine and you could just about see the hairs on the back of neck stand up and her claws come out. She's jealous of the girl who does my hair because the girl touches me to do her job. So I think that's what happened. There's nothing you can do until he breaks up with her. I guess you should be flattered she's jealous of you. It's not you and there's nothing you can do at this time. Sorry.

[Snny]

I just finished reading a book about a guy from the Projects becoming a Dentist (We Beat The Street, highly reccomend). It is a TON of studying for YEARS. So for his schedule becoming insanely busy is something to expect.

 

There isn't enough evidence (based on your post) to say the girlfriend is jealous and it's the reason for the cancelation I wouldn't think give it a second thought because it will lead to amosity toward her AND drive a wedge in your friendship. He already told you why he canceled and didn't place blame on his SO - and you shouldn't either. Don't even go there.

 

Like Melancholy mentioned, college changes people and relationships. It's the milestone of adulthood and causes people to have different priorities/views. It is a rarity for childhood friends to stay in close contact because people go to separate schools, spend their time within their studies and meet other people. You both can STILL be friends, but it is time to accept that he is moving on and may not be there for you as much as he was in the past. He's becoming a grown man with new set of responsibilities by trying to prepare for his future and potentially settling down with a maybe-future-wife.

 

To save yourself some sanity, try not to take his cancelation so personal. It maybe better to offer meeting up around the holidays or whenever he plans to come home to visit.