This world and I are not compatible

[Pleasedonot5]

Don't worry, I am not suicidal, I just can't think of a better way to put it.

______________

 

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to vent and see if anyone else has ever felt this way. I feel like I'm so different and that this world and my happiness are not compatible.

 

-I have a toxic family life. Most of the time it's ok, but it's not supportive, and there are very awful fights where I get blamed or used in them. I shouldn't be blamed for my family's marital problems. Additionally, I have little to nothing in common with them, so it's not like we have a great relationship.

 

-I have anxiety and (to a lesser extent) depression which often gets in the way of day-to-day life.

 

-I can't be satisfied with relationships. I feel I had a perfect girl and I broke up with her for my own reasons. Some things happened and long story short I haven't been comfortable dating anyone seriously since (it's been two years). It was such an amazing feeling getting together with her - that natural feeling has been unparalleled, and I've been with my fair share of women. It's not that I need her - I just wish I didn't have this super high standard to meet to be happy with someone.

 

-I can't seem to keep friends, and I have my foot out the door of my university where I'm constantly surrounded with new people... When I leave, I fear I'll be isolated. People don't want me in their life, and I don't know what about me makes them feel that way. I wish I could change whatever it is that is causing that.

 

-A girl I could see myself dating / loving one day if things were right has been riddling my phone with booty call messages (she just got out of a relationship with someone like, so she wants a rebound). It's disappointing.

 

- I feel like my attractiveness is on the decline. Like I'm still somewhat attractive, but now my right eye squints more than my left, and my hairline has started to recede slightly.

 

The thing that IS going right is my career, but I wish I had more than that. It's not enough to make me feel fulfilled, happy, and content.

 

I don't know. Just venting. If anyone has gone through this prolonged period of suffering, and wants to share, or if anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

[DanZee]

I think you're depressed, and you may need your meds straightened out. The eye squinting and how you feel seems to line up with the idea of depression. If you can overcome the depression you will find the world is a cheerier place and maybe take the girl who keeps calling you up on her offer.

[Pleasedonot5]

Hi DanZee,

 

Thank you for your reply! I've tried SSRI meds before, but they started to become a very negative thing for me. I'm currently on Xanax which helps tremendously with anxiety, but obviously does not fix my life.

 

The reason I'm more disappointed with the girl who keeps asking for a booty call, is I pictured something different with her. I don't like being a rebound, and I don't like that she only wants me as a booty call.

 

Thanks again for your reply 😊

[Pleasedonot5]

If it's no trouble, could I please get more responses? I'm at a really low point right now.

[Elavohra]

See, this is all in your head. Sometimes problems are not that big as it is perceived. When my ex broke up with me, I also went into depression and my doctor asked me to take antidepressant drugs which I didn't want to go for, so I took my depression as a challenge and I started working out which my body wasn't accepting since I was way too weak physically due to aplastic anaemia. However, I am out of depression now.

Friend , firstly, you must start practicing yoga it'll help you a lot. Then focus on your grooming, be the best version of yourself and you've to promise to yourself that you're from now on going to think positively. And I guarantee you, you'll attract what you think. Don't think about your best girl, she'll eventually come in your way once you'll start working upon yourself.

[loip9114]

Yeah I know this disconnection with the world and yourself. Could have a myriad of reasons, but a depression seems likely. Been there myself, horrid period in my opinion (I actually was suicidal at that point). Never wish to go back there, but you can get out of it.

 

Perhaps a good step is to get a sense of control over your own life. The tips I was provided was to get a good routine going. 1) Try to sleep at the same time and get the right duration, 2) Eat at fixed times and eat healthy. 3) Possibly get some exercise, 30 min walk is enough a day.

The medication is merely to reduce the anxiety, but you have to get some help or idea of what is causing this disconnect and the anxiety.

 

I am not a psychologist, but a question I'd like to ask is if you are in the proper environment? With this I mean do you feel like you're constantly wearing a mask and hiding yourself or do you believe you can truly be yourself? Because I always had this sense of wearing a mask, acting like somebody else, a facade so to speak. This really meant for me that I had this disconnect between my surrounding and myself. As people judged my mask and not me. Eventually I started gathering things around me which properly fitted me and not the facade, and slowly I could drop that facade.

So a couple of questions are:

What do you like doing?

What are your ambitions? Where would you like to go?

What makes you energetic and motivated? This last one might be hard if you are depressed, but somewhere deep down you might know something.

 

For example, a mate of mine really loves travelling. But to situational reasons he kept pushing the dates on his journeys and even refusing some offers. Eventually this had a significant effect on his well being and he also started to get disconnected from the world. He retreated into himself and became a real 'nay'-sayer. Constantly refusing to do things.

Same went for me as well, I started to do less and less. Which only further increased the gap between the world and me.

 

As I said, I am not a psychologist, so bear with me. But I hope these things might give you a perspective, I'd gladly talk to you about these things. Perhaps I might be of some help. Simply as a listener.

[Pleasedonot5]

Lois,

 

Thank you so much for your helpful reply. You've caught me on a good day, so I don't know how accurate or indicative of my usual experiences my thoughts will be.

 

1) Try to sleep at the same time and get the right duration, 2) Eat at fixed times and eat healthy. 3) Possibly get some exercise, 30 min walk is enough a day.

 

I agree, exercise especially helps. With sleep, I've been encountering back problems that continually wake me though. I love American food too much for the diet.

 

a question I'd like to ask is if you are in the proper environment?

 

I don't think so. I don't like one of my jobs at a municipality's city hall (required internship for school that lasts through next April - kill me). I have a (usually) intelligent mind, and the environment and my boss make me feel the opposite. Conversely, I have another job at the county elections division that makes me feel valuable and fantastic about the work I do. So it's not just me - it's partially that workplace I'm stuck in.

 

Additionally, my home life consists of learned helplessness, toxicity, and very little healthy social interaction. I just signed the lease for my new apartment today, and I'm moving most of my belongings in this weekend.

 

Lastly, regarding my friend environment... what friend environment? I don't have one. I wish I had a group or community to which I could belong, or even just a few consistent guy friends. I think I'm fun... I don't know if my strained relationship with my father (and former guy friends) prevents me from maintaining secure guy friend relationships... and the ladies only tend to stick around when they're interested in more than friendship - it's like a pattern, and no matter how I respond (let's be friends, FWB, relationship, etc.) it always ends when the interest / potential in me fades.

 

do you feel like you're constantly wearing a mask and hiding yourself or do you believe you can truly be yourself?

 

I do not feel I can be myself at this moment. I don't know who I am and what I stand for right now.

 

I am transitioning to the next stage of life while my university career comes to a close (finishing up grad school). There, last year I was elected student body president by a large voter margin. I acted like a passionate elected official (as opposed to someone just using it for the perks): I stood up for individual students and collectively advanced student interests. Persuading administrators to raise the minimum wage, be more fiscally responsible and reducing retreats, increasing accessibility for the disabled on campus, and etc. That was me. Well, elected offices have terms, and mine expired, so I'm struggling with my identity. How should I act? where do I belong? The leader part is over for now.

 

Before, my identity was the motivated athlete. I was top of my high school, ran NCAA for a year at the university, and then even ran some marathons. I played the choral singer role too, singing with different teams / choirs and advancing to state-recognition. As I work more and more to start my career, I have less time to run and no team with whom to share running, singing, and general competition.

 

So, it appears I don't have these identities anymore. I'm less multifaceted.

 

I apologize if that was a disjointed series of thoughts -- the confusion and disorientation is real, haha.

 

What do you like doing?

 

Singing, dancing, deep talks about philosophy and space, politics (besides what is happening now with it, all about POTUS all the time), learning new skills, critical thinking, video games

 

What are your ambitions? Where would you like to go?

 

For the last couple of years, I have been saying I want to be an elected public servant (mayor, governor). I have potential there, though lately have been wondering what it would have been like if I went with something more intellectual, like physics, finance, or computer science. Maybe it's just POTUS and the media making me doubt my career choice. I want to be intelligent, and whatever is happening now to the world is without a doubt the opposite.

 

What makes you energetic and motivated?

 

Competition, winning, the ability to make change happen (in anything, really), contributing to the advancement of humanity. I'm such a nerd, haha.

 

Thank you for asking me about myself. I understand you aren't a psychologist, but you definitely ask the right questions.

[loip9114]

Hehe no worries, I am a nerd as well. Currently I am working in science for the advancement of humanity which is definitely nice.

 

But I like the long answers, sounds good!

Do you perhaps have any idea why you have the back problems? Are you in a seated position a lot during the day? Or a past injury or anything? Knowing what might be the cause can also possibly give insight on the solution for it. I had/have a shoulder injury which really cost me my sleep as well. This definitely has a negative impact on your life. Getting rested means more mental strength. So this might definitely be a 'simple' step in getting more connection. As for the diet, if you feel happy and good eating it, do just keep doing it.

 

About the workplace, this is also one of the things that broke me. Unfortunately I also had to do it, but just remember to keep at it you'll get through it. After that having a nice workplace is a major benefit. But currently to make it more bearable:

Could perhaps have any growing potential?

Perhaps a project you could pick up or work on which also provides another aspect of the job you do not know? That way you might be capable of getting something new, also could provide a way to get some good-will, and a learning experience. Intelligence loves learning right?

 

Also sounds good about the new appartment, a change of scenery and a place of your own might give you that bit of freedom and environment you desire.

The friend situation is a tough one definitely. That could definitely be a major impact on the disconnection. Do you possibly see a pattern in why the friendships do not last? For example the one with the lady friend is definitely a pattern. They are too interested in becoming a girlfriend, that they rather not be friends. That's definitely a pattern, can you see such a pattern in why the guys also tend to leave?

Doesn't have to be the same, but a pattern might give you an idea of what is there.

 

Being in a transition is always a time of turmoil, you're figuring out which way to go etc. So that raising questions like 'who am I? what do I want?' those are definitely questions that will come at the end of anything to be honest. As you need to decide which new path to go towards.

But I do like the answers, because while you might not really be in a position of leadership or in athletics team or anything, these are definitely still character traits for you. You gain energy from both leadership and athletiscm if I am not mistaken from your answers So in my perspective those two things are part of your identity, they are not lost. They are just not being nourished at this moment in time. So my question here would be is there a way you might think of getting those things back in your life? For example some team you could lead and train with? A gym nearby? As you mention it is difficult with your work taking more and more time. Is there chance to get a bit of time in for some exercise? Possibly at home or anything. Or perhaps is there something which you could do through running, walking or cycling (for example groceries or something)?

 

And do not worry that the thoughts are disjointed, sometimes you need to have disjointed conversations and through writing it down you get a sense of what is in your head. Which again gives you more of an idea what your situation is and where you might find some solutions. No problem, glad I could help a bit.

[Pleasedonot5]

Loip,

 

Currently I am working in science for the advancement of humanity which is definitely nice.

 

Go us

 

Do you perhaps have any idea why you have the back problems? Are you in a seated position a lot during the day? Or a past injury or anything? Knowing what might be the cause can also possibly give insight on the solution for it.

 

My back problems started about 6-7 years ago and is definitely a chronic problem, though it comes in waves. This is currently a long wave, and is not affecting just the usual places. I usually have bad upper back pain in my right upper-back and the occasional flare-up of lower-back pain. This time, I have those two and neck pain as well. I do work at a desk most days 8-7, but take breaks and pay attention to my posture.

 

I think it's a spinal or skeletal problem. I went in for a chiropractic consultation, and the doctor said one hip was raised higher and I compensate with my posture. I didn't go with chiropractic care though because of the costs and that this guy didn't seem to know much else. I need to make an appointment with a spinal specialist, I think, but need to make sure my health insurance covers it.

 

Could perhaps have any growing potential?

Perhaps a project you could pick up or work on which also provides another aspect of the job you do not know? That way you might be capable of getting something new, also could provide a way to get some good-will, and a learning experience. Intelligence loves learning right?

 

Right, it does! I'm sorry you had to go through this as well. I try my best to work on projects that relate to my interests, but I'm usually just given the work the City Manager (CM) does not want to do... the "grunt work." I have no regular tasks and feel like more of a leech than an artery, when I feel like if I had a regular set of tasks to which to default, I would feel much better about it. Or primarily working with a different department or supervisor. The morale here is so low too, so it's not just me. I'd leave if I received an offer I could pursue (otherwise I might receive a bad reference), but cannot pursue such offers because I need a GA job I work at part-time to pay for school. A current offer at our County Elections Division, I'd pursue in a heartbeat if it paid me through school, but it doesn't.

 

I'm stuck with trying to cope until then, I suppose. Just under 3/4 of a year to go at this point, so not that long in the scope of things.

 

Also sounds good about the new apartment, a change of scenery and a place of your own might give you that bit of freedom and environment you desire.

 

It does! This aspect of my life has definitely improved greatly. I best interact with my parents from afar. They are like the sun: the radiation of their energy is toxic to me if I stay too close for too long. I feel awfully guilty sometimes because they try to be good parents and maintain a relationship with me, but they are so toxic to my well-being and we're very different people. They don't like my interests; and vice-versa.

 

The friend situation is a tough one definitely. That could definitely be a major impact on the disconnection. Do you possibly see a pattern in why the friendships do not last?

 

With the ladies' pattern: it could just be the way we're wired. Ladies leave when they aren't interested in my relationship potential anymore (or sometimes, when they figure out I'm not interested).

 

With the guys: I don't know. I just don't connect with most guys like I connect with women. I don't really seem to see a pattern, just a lack of interest in being friends that may be mutual. Maybe I need to make a better effort. I've asked a guy acquaintance or two out to hit the bar and talk politics (these guys are also interested in politics), but we never followed up. I've never been the type to make plans over-and-over again, so maybe it's my own quirk. I also have been betrayed several times by supposedly good guy friends. Maybe I'm putting out a distrusting vibe. I may need counseling to resolve my issues with male friends.

 

But I do like the answers, because while you might not really be in a position of leadership or in athletics team or anything, these are definitely still character traits for you. You gain energy from both leadership and athleticism if I am not mistaken from your answers

 

Yes, those for sure, and musical expression too. Thank you for reminding me that those areas aren't gone; the outlets are. I should find new outlets.

 

So my question here would be is there a way you might think of getting those things back in your life? For example some team you could lead and train with? A gym nearby? As you mention it is difficult with your work taking more and more time. Is there chance to get a bit of time in for some exercise? Possibly at home or anything. Or perhaps is there something which you could do through running, walking or cycling (for example groceries or something)?

 

There is a ballroom dance club I'm thinking about rejoining that meets Monday nights and fits my schedule nicely. I'd love a girlfriend to go with though haha. I suppose most of us are looking for an S/O though huh?

 

Also, now that my ex is graduated and away from the school, she isn't leading the university running club anymore (funny story with that one, she essentially took that over from me and slept with the then President and close-friend of mine (I was VP and left after I found out) right after she and I broke up). She took my org and that friend group that then preferred her. She couldn't just find other friends. Had to win. Had to dominate me and take mine. Anyway, she's not there anymore. I might step up and do something with leadership there, though I do not want to be the Pres/VP of that club again, maybe just a participant who mentors the other members and competes.

 

Other than that, I do want to become more physically fit than I am now. I'm athletically built and am pretty thin/toned right now, but I'm far from where I would like to be. I already run about 3 miles everyday after my workdays, but come fall I want to ramp it up. My apartment complex has a community gym, and so does my university, and I plan on pursuing some strength training there too. Anything to make me more confident about myself and to exhaust me to keep the anxiety away.

 

Can't tell you how much I appreciate this dialogue.

[loip9114]

Loip,

Go us

 

My back problems started about 6-7 years ago and is definitely a chronic problem, though it comes in waves. This is currently a long wave, and is not affecting just the usual places. I usually have bad upper back pain in my right upper-back and the occasional flare-up of lower-back pain. This time, I have those two and neck pain as well. I do work at a desk most days 8-7, but take breaks and pay attention to my posture.

 

I think it's a spinal or skeletal problem. I went in for a chiropractic consultation, and the doctor said one hip was raised higher and I compensate with my posture. I didn't go with chiropractic care though because of the costs and that this guy didn't seem to know much else. I need to make an appointment with a spinal specialist, I think, but need to make sure my health insurance covers it.

 

Right, it does! I'm sorry you had to go through this as well. I try my best to work on projects that relate to my interests, but I'm usually just given the work the City Manager (CM) does not want to do... the "grunt work." I have no regular tasks and feel like more of a leech than an artery, when I feel like if I had a regular set of tasks to which to default, I would feel much better about it. Or primarily working with a different department or supervisor. The morale here is so low too, so it's not just me. I'd leave if I received an offer I could pursue (otherwise I might receive a bad reference), but cannot pursue such offers because I need a GA job I work at part-time to pay for school. A current offer at our County Elections Division, I'd pursue in a heartbeat if it paid me through school, but it doesn't.

 

I'm stuck with trying to cope until then, I suppose. Just under 3/4 of a year to go at this point, so not that long in the scope of things.

 

It does! This aspect of my life has definitely improved greatly. I best interact with my parents from afar. They are like the sun: the radiation of their energy is toxic to me if I stay too close for too long. I feel awfully guilty sometimes because they try to be good parents and maintain a relationship with me, but they are so toxic to my well-being and we're very different people. They don't like my interests; and vice-versa.

 

With the ladies' pattern: it could just be the way we're wired. Ladies leave when they aren't interested in my relationship potential anymore (or sometimes, when they figure out I'm not interested).

 

With the guys: I don't know. I just don't connect with most guys like I connect with women. I don't really seem to see a pattern, just a lack of interest in being friends that may be mutual. Maybe I need to make a better effort. I've asked a guy acquaintance or two out to hit the bar and talk politics (these guys are also interested in politics), but we never followed up. I've never been the type to make plans over-and-over again, so maybe it's my own quirk. I also have been betrayed several times by supposedly good guy friends. Maybe I'm putting out a distrusting vibe. I may need counseling to resolve my issues with male friends.

 

Yes, those for sure, and musical expression too. Thank you for reminding me that those areas aren't gone; the outlets are. I should find new outlets.

There is a ballroom dance club I'm thinking about rejoining that meets Monday nights and fits my schedule nicely. I'd love a girlfriend to go with though haha. I suppose most of us are looking for an S/O though huh?

 

Also, now that my ex is graduated and away from the school, she isn't leading the university running club anymore (funny story with that one, she essentially took that over from me and slept with the then President and close-friend of mine (I was VP and left after I found out) right after she and I broke up). She took my org and that friend group that then preferred her. She couldn't just find other friends. Had to win. Had to dominate me and take mine. Anyway, she's not there anymore. I might step up and do something with leadership there, though I do not want to be the Pres/VP of that club again, maybe just a participant who mentors the other members and competes.

 

Other than that, I do want to become more physically fit than I am now. I'm athletically built and am pretty thin/toned right now, but I'm far from where I would like to be. I already run about 3 miles everyday after my workdays, but come fall I want to ramp it up. My apartment complex has a community gym, and so does my university, and I plan on pursuing some strength training there too. Anything to make me more confident about myself and to exhaust me to keep the anxiety away.

 

Can't tell you how much I appreciate this dialogue.

 

Well at least you have something to look into, that's already something. I walked around with a ripped cartillage in my right shoulder for 2 years, before we finally knew what it was. It will always remain weakened, but it is no longer keeping me down from sporting. Which is awesome! So hope you will find something that helps you get it under control.

 

As for the job, yes. I had to stick it out till the end as well, really took it's toll on me psychologically. Took me a while to recover afterwards, but now 3 years later I am in a position I really love with people who are really great colleagues and nice future prospects and freedom in projects. So while it might be tough now, it can definitely get better. Use it to learn what you do not want, and strife for what you want. I think you'll know what you can learn.

 

As for the friends, perhaps it is really useful to look into with therapy or reading about it. Anything to improve it a bit. Perhaps you can find a pattern. I hope you find something to gain that part. A good social circle can help so much. I do not have a lot of friends myself as well, but the ones I have I can call at any time and we'll help each other. Neither do we have to see each other a lot, but if we do it is great. You do not need many, just a few really good ones.

 

Really s*cks about your ex, I unfortunately also lost mine recently. Neither has the year been kind at first to me, lost quite a couple of people due to disease and death. That's why I am here at first. But things seem to turn around now. People are offering me opportunities left and right at this moment. Projects at work, goals to strife for in sports, even an extention of my current job (more hours on another project), plus a lot of personal self-growth. So I might just remain in this position to get the best out of it. While I lost gravely in one department, I have gained a lot in others. My work, friends, sport, self-growth, and many others things are going for the better.

So believe me, I've been down and out, honestly thinking 'F*ck it all, it will never get better. Only worse', but it does get better. If you keep moving and fighting you'll get there. You have some really good plans in your head. And with these plans, I believe you can get there as well. While you might not have the most motivation at this point to actually do it, try to push yourself. Not too much, but get some small things done, and you can grow it bigger and better. Eventually you'll find your place.

 

I am glad to hear you appreciate it! Wish you all the best!