shav6454 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I'm 24, she is 20. We live about 13 hours away from each other. We've been dating for about two months and already problems are arising. I'm a hypochondriac, and I have alot of anxiety (that is being treated) and I have been emotionally abused in the past. She has had a rough upbringing and her family life is less than stellar. She also has mental illness as well. It helps me to express my worries and my anxiety to her, to really anyone that will listen. I was always told talking about it helps. Lately, we have been fighting because she tells me that I pile my problems onto her and that she feels she has to carry the both of us. I was not aware that I am piling, so this is news to me. About a week ago, my hypochondria was flaring up and I wasn't feeling good. We play video games together and we were just talking. All of a sudden she left and blamed it on bad internet connection.I had told her if she wanted to play with her friends and didn't want to talk to me at the moment, that was fine. She continued to tell me it was her cconnection. Ihad a feeling something wasn't right. I went on to the game she had been playing (she appeared offline, but I could still see her in the game chat.) I grew upset because I feel as though she lied to me. And regrettably I lashed out at her. Because of this, we are currently on a break. I had been told that my behavior was spying and that I have been emotionally abusive towards her for awhile now. It really hurts me because I love my girlfriend. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. She claims I do not trust her and tells me that I need to change or else. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help? Has anyone been in a situation like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanZee Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 From your description, I would say you said something that you didn't realize upset her and she decided to drop out of the game. She didn't want a confrontation, so she said her Internet connection went out on her. As Emily Post wrote sometimes a little white lie is better than telling the truth to not hurt the person. You then pushed it (basically calling her a liar), and you got into a fight because you wouldn't drop it. Also, has this been an Internet-only relationship? Have you ever met in person? This could add to the problem because you can't see each other, you don't really know each other, and a lot of communication is done through body language and vocal intonations that are lost texting and Skyping. You both have emotional problems and this can increase the misunderstanding and misinterpreting factors. You are in charge of yourself and you have to learn to control your emotions and think about what she is experiencing too. You need to think before speaking. If she wants to stop talking to you, accept her white lie and tell yourself, she's just tired of talking to me, and call it a day. You have to calm things down, especially because you're older and should act more mature. And, by the way, you were spying on her, so she is technically correct. Try to relax and calm down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I don't understand your problem. Yes she has been standoffish. Maybe whats bothering her is the distance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Have you met her in person, OP? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shav6454 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 Have you met her in person, OP?No, we have been working on trying to meet in person. We were friends for about a year too prior to dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 No, we have been working on trying to meet in person. We were friends for about a year too prior to dating. Well, you're not "dating" if you've never met. I think you'd do well to work on your anxiety and when it's more under control so that you don't have run-away-thoughts/paranoia and mis-trust and when you've got that more under control then what you do now, you find a girl local to you so that you can nurture the relationship in the real world. You're stagnating in a fantasy relationship and its very likely that she's starting to realize that. You can do better then a pretend thing with someone you met in a game of fantasy. Get yourself off of the computer, go outside and get some fresh air and exercise which will get your endorphins kicking in and you'll feel more calm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shav6454 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 Well, you're not "dating" if you've never met. I think you'd do well to work on your anxiety and when it's more under control so that you don't have run-away-thoughts/paranoia and mis-trust and when you've got that more under control then what you do now, you find a girl local to you so that you can nurture the relationship in the real world. You're stagnating in a fantasy relationship and its very likely that she's starting to realize that. You can do better then a pretend thing with someone you met in a game of fantasy. Get yourself off of the computer, go outside and get some fresh air and exercise which will get your endorphins kicking in and you'll feel more calm.That's just your opinion. And you have a right to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I'm a hypochondriac, and I have alot of anxiety (that is being treated) and I have been emotionally abused in the past. She has had a rough upbringing and her family life is less than stellar. She also has mental illness as well. It helps me to express my worries and my anxiety to her, to really anyone that will listen. I was always told talking about it helps. Sorry, but it sounds like you use her as an emotional crutch or a therapist. You two don't see each other person but engage in this talk therapy. My guess is she feels burdened by it. What can you do? Get yourself in a good place before you decide to get involved with someone, not after. The same goes for her as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkypromise Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Speaking from someone with anxiety. When you don't feel "whole" yourself, you tend to try and find someone to complete you. The only problem is, no one can complete you. Two people should come together to enjoy each other not complete each other. Since you've never met and your relationship is still very young, try it to take her actions too personal. Things are interpreted completely different via online / text rather than face to face. I'd say work on your anxieties and problems within yourself because they aren't her problem. No one wants to be in a relationship where it's constantly negative. But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're probably awesome, just need to iron some things out in life before getting in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 That's just your opinion. And you have a right to it. A valid point though, OP. In what sense are you dating if you've never been on a date with her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.