Ex gf asking for some money

[dave4443]

So we broke up 2 months ago, had the 6 weeks of breadcrumbs until I found out she was dating someone so I went into No contact, been a week since we spoke and she text me saying 'hope you're okay, wondering if you can get litter and bedding for the rats as I have no money', we got the rats together and I do feel bad as we were supposed to move in together and since she broke it off she's had to pay the rent by herself

 

It's not exactly a lot of money only a tenner and she said she'll pay back when she gets paid but what would you guys do? The nice guy in me wants to help, but I'm at the stage now where I don't want to seem like I'm still a backup option for her like I felt before so not sure how to respond

 

Any insight would be sweet

[DanZee]

Whoa! YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE PAYING HALF THE RENT? She should be taking you into court! You're lucky she's only asking you to help with the rats you bought together. Even if she's dating someone, you should be paying half the rent until she finds a rent-paying roommate, even if she's the one who broke it off Sheesh! Spend the tenner to get some litter for the rats!

[itsallgrand]

If you don't mind paying for the rats bedding, go ahead and do it. Buy it yourself though and have someone drop it off , so she doesn't use the cash for something else and so you don't see her.

 

I don't agree with the above poster. She chose to break it off, she had to pay rent, it's not like you have been living there .

 

Myself since you got the rats together and she's keeping them, I wouldn't mind buying a few supplies for the little guys.

[dave4443]

Since we broke up I still helped with the rent because I didn't want to see her struggle, and during the breadcrumb stage I did a lot more than that by helping her pretty much pay for everything so I did more than was needed, When we went no contact I moved out of my parents I have to pay my own rent now too and no I never even lived there

 

Yeah I'll probably do it that way then, just didn't want to jump in all happy and go through another breadcrumb stage

[Iggy5129]

If she's planning to pay it back why doesn't she just ask her new bf?? Seriously. I would just block and move on. The nerve of her to dump you for another guy, lead you on for 6 weeks and then only reach out to ask for money?? Wow. I would tell her to F off honestly if it was me.

 

And yeah you don't owe her the rent. She chose to break it off, she has to deal with the consequences.

[RainyCoast]

so now because you bought them together you'll indefinitely be in touch like you share custody because "the rats need bedding"?

[yatsue]

Since we broke up I still helped with the rent because I didn't want to see her struggle, and during the breadcrumb stage I did a lot more than that by helping her pretty much pay for everything so I did more than was needed, When we went no contact I moved out of my parents I have to pay my own rent now too and no I never even lived there

 

Yeah I'll probably do it that way then, just didn't want to jump in all happy and go through another breadcrumb stage

 

Um, hey, no! Certainly, do not pay her rent. I believe the other poster meant to pay only if you were on the lease, which is a legal obligation if you signed a contract, but you never moved in. Usually if you're valid on the lease, you have at least moved in. You didn't. So the contract should be null and void. Please don't give her anything. You should not feel like you owe her anything. You have your own place and should worry about yourself, not your past baggage. Ignore/block her, and you will save yourself this trouble. If you want, offer to take the pets permanently if she cannot afford to take care of them. You are neither a daycare nor sugar daddy. Remember that.

[abitbroken]

So we broke up 2 months ago, had the 6 weeks of breadcrumbs until I found out she was dating someone so I went into No contact, been a week since we spoke and she text me saying 'hope you're okay, wondering if you can get litter and bedding for the rats as I have no money', we got the rats together and I do feel bad as we were supposed to move in together and since she broke it off she's had to pay the rent by herself

 

It's not exactly a lot of money only a tenner and she said she'll pay back when she gets paid but what would you guys do? The nice guy in me wants to help, but I'm at the stage now where I don't want to seem like I'm still a backup option for her like I felt before so not sure how to respond

 

Any insight would be sweet

 

If they are pets you purchased, yes, you should pay for their food and bedding or taking them on if she can no longer care for them.

[itsallgrand]

Since we broke up I still helped with the rent because I didn't want to see her struggle, and during the breadcrumb stage I did a lot more than that by helping her pretty much pay for everything so I did more than was needed, When we went no contact I moved out of my parents I have to pay my own rent now too and no I never even lived there

 

Yeah I'll probably do it that way then, just didn't want to jump in all happy and go through another breadcrumb stage

 

I see. So she has used you before, which adds to this particular situation. My reply was based on the idea of a one off help for the rats- not an on going help, and not paying her rent or giving her money otherwise.

 

With how it is, you shouldn't feel bad in just blocking her now. It's true you do not owe her anything. And she seems to like this idea of keeping you around as a wallet, so that would be reason not to ever open it to h r again .

[figureitout23]

I personally wouldn't based on actions since the breakup. They're rats not children. If she can't care for them anymore she should look to place them with someone else. This was her choice, not yours and like someone else said why isn't she asking her new man for money? Let that sink in.

[j.man]

Lol. Don't pay her rent. Don't pay for her rats. And I say it as someone who actually finds rats cute as ****. If she can't take care of them, tell her you can take them.

[pippy longstocking]

so now because you bought them together you'll indefinitely be in touch like you share custody because "the rats need bedding"?

 

That's just what I thought ...op cut your ties with her and the rats for goodness sakes .. people buy things together all the time, but when a relationship is done ..it's done ..walk away from her and the rats .

[itsallgrand]

Lol. Don't pay her rent. Don't pay for her rats. And I say it as someone who actually finds rats cute as ****. If she can't take care of them, tell her you can take them.

 

As a tangent. I used to think they were really gross. Until I cared for an old one who needed a retirement home. I still never got over the tail part, but he was so sweet and smart. And loved snuggling. So cute.

To be fair, the rats I had known before that weren't fancy ones...they were field rats who would really bite. Very very different from the ones people get at pet stores.

[shessofly]

How about no response at all? She can ask her new boyfriend for 10 bucks for rat bedding, or re-home them if she can't afford to care for them.

[pippy longstocking]

Many years ago I split with a man I lived with ...he moved out and left me with a huge outdoor pond and hundreds of pounds worth of fish . I had NO clue how to clean the filters etc etc ... I just fed them and hoped for the best . Anyway the pond lining ripped and water was seeping out and I messaged him , can you come and do something , they are your fish , your pond .....his reply ..they are not my fish now , if you don't know what to do then give them away !!!!! The end .

[MrComplicated]

I'm unsure of your current measure of male pride that's left in you, but whatever is left of it please do decide not to be a complete pushover for the sake of us men. She's already moved on and is asking for favours bruh...

[j.man]

As a tangent. I used to think they were really gross. Until I cared for an old one who needed a retirement home. I still never got over the tail part, but he was so sweet and smart. And loved snuggling. So cute.

To be fair, the rats I had known before that weren't fancy ones...they were field rats who would really bite. Very very different from the ones people get at pet stores.

Having a Capybara pet is seriously like #2 on my bucket list. Rats in general get a pretty bad rap given their intelligence and relative timid demeanor. That said, I've never actually owned a pet rat.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would inform "her Royal Highness" that the relationship, along with the freebies have expired.

[fabact]

Yea no rent. Get some litter and bedding and leave on her doorstep do not see her. You don't owe her rent money.

[Knight2001]

hi,

i would buy anough stuff for the rats to last them a good few months then block her. by then she will have moved on and so will you.

good luck

[No1]

I see both sides of this.

I know you kind of want to remain in touch with her. I know you still love her and still hold out hope that one day you two might get back. So this money for rat bedding is a way to justify keeping the communication alive. And if it doesnt work out with this guy, you are in a good position to come back into her life by saying "I was there for you"

 

On the other hand, you must heal and she should be on her own. She broke up with you and everything that she had with you means that goes away. Rats are not kids and you either take the rats home with you or you let her keep them and she has to deal with that with her new BF.

 

As others have said before, if you are on a lease, then you should be paying and/or actively looking for someone to take your place. If you are not on the lease.. then you can walk away.

I know you want to be there for her and not see her struggle, at the same time she chose her own path and she has to deal with everything that comes with breaking up with you. If she is struggling its because she chose not to be with you.

 

Good luck in your choice. I would take the rats and tell her have a good life.